I Cant Take It Anymore

hi, im 12 years old and im living in hell
my parents obviosly love my brother more
hes 26 he started using drugs at  a young age around 17
then we move from the beautiful california to arkansas
a place where theres nothing to do so kids my age smoke weed, have sex and drink
my parents blame me for a lot of things
i mean all they do is blame me for being a piece of **** and stress me out
i only try to make my life better, school stresses me out alot and coming home to my parents verbal abuse [i think there is different kind of verbal abuses but i dont know what you would think] just makes it worse. everything i do is wrong. my dad blames me for sitting on the computer all day and doing nothing, then he gets into a big, dumb lecture about how "kids are just sitting on the computer all day man"
really i cry almost every night because im so stressed out. nothing i do is good enough for my parents.
my mom hates me to
ill come home with a B and my mom will ask me why its not an A in school. in the meanest way possible.
lots of stuff happens to me, only i know every single detail, yes i have sat and talked to my parents about this crap but all they do is blame me for over reacting. i havent told them about my thoughts of suicide. tried to drown myself in a bathtub. i couldnt deal with it. over dose on pills. there was 1 pill left so yeah i need someone to talk to because honestly i cant stand life anymore and i just want to die. thanks for listening
ie

Stress500 Stress500
13-15
1 Response May 12, 2012

I know how you feel, and I understand. I know how their treatment makes you feel.<br />
<br />
I know there's not much I can say to make it all better. I can't change your parents. I can't change your brother. I know I can't change Arkansas. I was born there! I know.<br />
<br />
But in every day, find one small thing that makes you smile. When I was your age, I used to go outside with a book, put my back up against a tree and read a book.<br />
<br />
I'm not going to defend your parents. The way they talk to you is hurtful and wrong. But maybe I can help you to understand.<br />
<br />
To be a parent is to live in fear: fear of making mistakes, fear of not being good enough, fear of not doing enough to prepare our kids to be adults. I think your parents are dealing with their OWN insecurities.<br />
<br />
Your father is worried because you're not outside playing in the sun, playing with friends. He's worried about your health, worried you're becoming withdrawn and worried most of all that HE somehow is to blame, that HE didn't do something right, that there's some way that HE failed.<br />
<br />
Your mother is worried about your grades because she's wants you to go to a good university, get good grades, graduate, get a really great job, and live comfortably without having to worry about how you're going to pay your bills and feed your kids. She's worried that if you don't take school seriously enough, you won't be successful in life, and she's worried that it will be HER fault. That SHE wasn't a good mother. That SHE didn't teach you right.<br />
<br />
Your parents put it all on you and make everything out to be YOUR fault, when the truth is, and they'll never tell you this, they're suffering too.<br />
<br />
For your brother who uses drugs, they shower HIM with love because they blame themselves for his drug use, for his weakness. They believe, deep inside, it's THEIR fault.<br />
<br />
Adults don't have all the answers, and sometimes, we're just as lost and scared and confused and overwhelmed as you are. But we're adults and our children look to us to be their leaders and we have to pretend we know what we're doing. We have to pretend that it's all under control.<br />
<br />
I'm truly sorry for what you're going through. But please don't give up. Your parents are going about this all wrong, but I'd be willing to be that they love you and that they're more proud of you than they let on. I know this is so hard, but the troubles you're going through won't last forever. You'll come though this and you'll be stronger, and you'll know more, and when you have your own children, maybe you won't handle this kind of thing this way. And maybe when you're older this will all make a bit more sense.<br />
<br />
Just try to understand that you're not the problem. Your brother's weakness has left their self-confidence in their parenting shaken and they're taking it out on you. You're only 12, and they world has SO many good things left to show you. Yes, there will always be hard times. But there's good too. And while there will be times in your life where you'll again wish you were dead, there will also be times when you'll be so glad to be alive.