Repeated Attempts, Life Coming Together

I have attempted suicide three times in my life, each time with an overdose. the first time i chickened out, the second, i threw everything up, and the third my friend came at just the right time to drag me across the street to the hospital. ive always had a depressive personality, i was bullied severely in school, had very few friends, and my relationships so far have all been some form of abusive. last november, my boyfriend broke up with me when i refused to quit school and marry him immediately and i attempted suicide a week later because i had literally no one else to turn to until a friend who had moved away showed up to surprise me. now ive been in a relationship for six months, and am only now realizing how incredibly selfish my boyfriend is. he makes decisions for the both of us based on his "future" regardless of what it will do to me. he even admitted that he doesnt really consider me in his decisions. hes all i have, my family is fragmented and has alot of mental problems of their own, so losing him means ill be left all alone again. as the days go by and i get more afraid, all my old suicidal tendencies are coming back. i have dreams about it, and theyre honestly the best dreams i have, as scary as that sounds. ive never met someone with as little regard for the feelings or opinions of other people as him, but for some reason i love him dearly. and i worry that its only out of my intense loneliness. at this point, i dont even know what to do.
abushby abushby
22-25
Dec 10, 2012