My Story

I don't really understand it. The thoughts are there alot of the time, but then they do go away, sometimes they are strong, wereas other times they aren't so bad. The hard thing is though when it comes down to it, the main thing I think of, is we're gonna die anyway, and if things feel so helpless, then why carry on? I have attempted and the things that people will say to you is 'I bet you regret it' and 'promise you won't do it again', the answer that I will give is 'yes, I do' just to stop them worrying, but then I feel guilty when I do feel really bad, and I don't wanna break the promise that I made to them, but if that's all I living to do, then whats the point? After a while I had to stop promising people these things, but I just hate the fact that the thoughts are there and theres nothing I can do to get rid of them. I know there are thousands of people that go through the same thing, but it's just so difficult, and I hate it. I know I don't want to die, I think I'm too scared of it, for things to just stop, but it's when the thoughts are there that I don't think like that, it's just I don't want to live feeling like this, and wouldn't it be better to die when you wanted rather than when you don't? Why build up a life that's only gonna end, why make youself happy, when the only thing thats gonna happen is your gonna end up dead. When my friends say, 'just think possitivly to all the good things that are gonna happen', theres just nothing there, apart from the end, the bit in the middle just seems a waste of time, so why prolong it? It's difficult to think why people would want to, and when I see other people really happy and enjoying themselves, the first thing that comes to mind is, WHY? I know it doesn't do well to dwell on these kind of thoughts, but it's just hard, as I'm sure some of you will only know too well.
sezy sezy
18-21, F
1 Response Aug 8, 2007

Hey I know exactly how you feel. I think the same thoughts a lot.