Control

Have been controlling my emotions and reactions most my life baecause I felt it was inappropriate for me to express them had bad reactions and then just ended up expolding.Now I cant seem to control nothing no more this makes me mad at myself and just makes things worse.

I stuff my face with food i dont want or need yet I cant stop I see my body ballooning my clothes dont fit and I feel like S*&^%.I want to need to stop But to pathetic to stop.What is goign on with me I have so much to be tahnkfull for yet I am selfdestructing?I have been searching to beloeng meaning purpose but nothing.My reasoing seems so irrational.I hate who I ahve become what I am and I cant change it nor can I keep livinglike this.Whats the point.

At the moment I feel so overwhelmed lost and pathetic about my inability to cope with my life and I feel even worse for talking about it ashamed pathetic complete failure! What am I doing? 

Excuse the spelling   

Blind Blind
36-40, F
2 Responses Aug 13, 2007

Thank you for all the encouragement and understanding.

Yes thats how i feel and right now I dont know what else to say.