I Am Responsable

 

I am responsible

I feel guilty and I am responsible for my partners drinking and her unhappiness.

When I moved in and our relationship started she was hurting after her divorce and I did everything I could to make it better I gave her massages made her special meals did small little things to make her feel better and good about herself, everything I felt would make me feel better, I helped get her out of debt and she seemed to be a happy person but then I change I had nothing left to give and she just seemed to want more. Just kept taking never seemed to give much back maybe I was just greedy. Don’t know why I tried I know by now I am never good enough.

 

In spite of my mother being distant and not loving me or ever saying that I feel guilty about my mother about not taking care of her about leaving her to go do my stupid cycling and now not having a job and enough money to take her away form that guy she married who treats her like ****. I was not good enough for her either.

No matter what I do it is just never good enough

Blind Blind
36-40, F
1 Response Aug 18, 2007

That is what is so hard sometimes.But to be a true giver,you can't think like that. When you give of yourself you can't be thinking,what am I going to get back. That doesn't mean you let people take and take.You need to know your limits.Sit down and talk with her. If you need to move on,do so. Don't stay in a relationship that isn't going to grow. Sounds so easy when someone else is giving the advice. As for suicidal thoughts,don't let them get to you.My maternal Grandpa just committed suicide a yr and a half ago and my paternal Uncle did when I was a kid.So when I get similar thoughts,I find myself thinking that maybe it is in my blood or something. Then I wake up and kick myself in the *** and tell myself It is my own choice to make and am I really going to be that selfish to my family,and my 6yr old,after all,I (and my family) know hard that is to go through.Don't get trapped in thinking you are useless and no one needs you here. That is pure nonsense. You are here for a reason. Peace to you and your mind,J