I Have What More Do You Want........

 

I have tried to get some help before but I always seem to say the wrong things and then they just disappear.

 About a month ago one night the darkness was clouding my mind I was sitting holding a gun to my head working at finding some courage to pull that trigger……..i started surfing the web for suicide and I came upon many sights all with hotlines that I can phone but most overseas not an option then I can across Samaritans and I found link to my country .There was also numbers I could phone but that helped me nothing I only have a mobile phone and I don’t have airtime or money to buy time so I can phone the net is my only communication  I kept searching hoping to find someone or something that can help me ,I eventually found an e-mail address and after hours of procrastination I sent a mail and sure enough they replied with we can help you just phone us then I mailed back and explained they moved me onto another person whoa asked my situation I explained briefly he then moved me onto someone else and they told me to come see them. I exploded I just explained in the previous mail Don’t live even close so that’s what I replied and they never got back to me again I sent another mail asking what happened but still no reply…….I found another sight with e-mail but they just trough the bible at me repent and be healed ………I came across a suicide forum and tired to find some help there but there were all hurting so bad I ended up helping them and not find the help I so desperately needed…..I stopped when someone I was talking committed suicide it broke my heart and sent me spinning right to the bottom. I then cam e across Ep and I was lucky good ppl responded ended up sending me a resource I can try and find some help ….I sent them a e-mail once again they responded positive we can help just phone so I explained then they said send us your number so I did then I got a reply please phone this number !!are they not listening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!icant phone so I replied and still no one has phoned …………..

 My friends said they could only help me so much that I needed to find help they think i am making excuses but i am not i have reached out i have done the hardest thing i have ever had to do............... ask for help....so here I am I guess I am on my own………………   

Blind Blind
36-40, F
3 Responses Aug 20, 2007

My brother shot and killed himself about four years ago<br />
<br />
SUICIDE is a permanent decision to a temporary problem....please remind yourself of that when these thoughts arise<br />
<br />
I too am here for you and fel fre to contact me. It just sounds like you need someone to talk to and you need healing. I suggest finding a spiritual healer in your area. Some one who will pray with you, show you how to mediditate for relaxation and clarity and someone who can talk to you about cleaning out your body. Toxins in the body can cause or add to your depression so cleansing is a great way to start. Cleand your soul and you body and you will start to feel better. You are phenomenal you sut don't know it yet. Drink lots of water, eat fresh veggies, eat food high in fiber for cleansing. cut out all JUNK. Go for a jog...get a good amont of sunlight. <br />
CONCLUSION:<br />
Things 2 Research in your area: Holistic health centers, spiritual practitioners, benefits of detoxing, benefits of meditation, uplifting blogs<br />
<br />
;)<br />
Infinite Love

I also got your story a bit late however I am here to help in any way youthink I could.If you for example need somone to talk to I'm told that I'm a good listener,and I do understand I have to battle suicidal thoughts everyday,maybe I can help.I would really appreciate it if you could accept my help,who knows maybe we could help each other,either way you're not alone.

This message is getting to you a little late. In truth, I literally stumbled upon your story by selecting a random story and this is what was given to me. From reading your plot I think it's safe to say that you mostly need someone to just talk to. You can't make phone calls, but you have internet. Well, if you still need anything, even if it is just conversation; I've been told that I'm good for things like that. You tried to reach out and ask for help, now I'm going to reach out to you. Sometimes, the best way to get through something is by laying it all out on the table and choosing the right cards. If it helps, I have an understanding of what you are or were going through. I have battled with your same thoughts in the past and continue to occasionally. Only, instead of a gun to my head it's a knife to my throat or wrist. However, I've found a remedy, and now I hope you're interested enough to get it too.