Everything started back in elementary school, around the fourth and fifth grades. I started gaining an excessive amount of weight and continued well throughout my life, even now.
My mother loved me dearly, even to this day, but in her own ways that i have only just begun to comprehend. She constantly nagged me and breathed down my neck about my weight the whole time i was growing up. Back then i viewed her constant badgering as her way of insulting me. She was scream at me every time i would come within a foot of the refrigerator and now i understand why.
She had also had a weight issue when she was young, and felt that i didn't deserve to be subjected to constant bullying. I got so desperate to end her complaints that i began starving myself.
That is when i started to develop my eating disorder.
I wanted so hard to look beautiful and to fit in with everyone at middle school and high school that I would drive myself to not eat for days and to only drink water. I even remember a time in art class that i broke my pencil in half because I was so hungry. I would constantly chew gum and if my stomach would start growliny loudly i would swallow bits and pieces of the gum I was chewing. That's how bad I was.
I eventually lost a whomping sixty pounds and was very happy with how I looked...but I was tired of all the stomach pains and dizzy spells that I had to endure every day. So, I started eating again.
That's when I started binge eating.
Thus, I gained all the weight back. So I developed a plan where I would starve for a couple days, then binge eat. Very unhealthy.
As of right now, im the biggest I've ever been and I'm not happy about it. I was cleaning my closet out the other day and came across a pair of my old skinny jeans. I've decided that I want to lose all of this weight, and for GOOD! But the healthy way this time. I don't think I can even go a few hours without eating anymore :).