I Battle With Weight Issues

Constantly At War With the Weight Scale That Is Chained to My Ankle

By: bonni3bunny

Written on November 20th, 2008

Everything started back in elementary school, around the fourth and fifth grades. I started gaining an excessive amount of weight and continued well throughout my life, even now.

My mother loved me dearly, even to this day, but in her own ways that i have only just begun to comprehend. She constantly nagged me and breathed down my neck about my weight the whole time i was growing up. Back then i viewed her constant badgering as her way of insulting me. She was scream at me every time i would come within a foot of the refrigerator and now i understand why.

She had also had a weight issue when she was young, and felt that i didn't deserve to be subjected to constant bullying. I got so desperate to end her complaints that i began starving myself.

That is when i started to develop my eating disorder.

I wanted so hard to look beautiful and to fit in with everyone at middle school and high school that I would drive myself to not eat for days and to only drink water. I even remember a time in art class that i broke my pencil in half because I was so hungry. I would constantly chew gum and if my stomach would start growliny loudly i would swallow bits and pieces of the gum I was chewing. That's how bad I was.

I eventually lost a whomping sixty pounds and was very happy with how I looked...but I was tired of all the stomach pains and dizzy spells that I had to endure every day. So, I started eating again.

That's when I started binge eating.

Thus, I gained all the weight back. So I developed a plan where I would starve for a couple days, then binge eat. Very unhealthy.

As of right now, im the biggest I've ever been and I'm not happy about it. I was cleaning my closet out the other day and came across a pair of my old skinny jeans. I've decided that I want to lose all of this weight, and for GOOD! But the healthy way this time. I don't think I can even go a few hours without eating anymore :).

By: bonni3bunny

Age: 18-21 , Female

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4 responses

Zecopolitico

I was a big fat guy in my late teens and throughout my 20s. I hated being fat and know how you feel. Have you ever heard of Dr. Kessler? He was the former head of the FDA. Anyway, I read this article he wrote about junk food. Essentially, it is as just as addictive as heroin! For me, what he said really resonated with my problems with food. With heroin its just the drug, with food.... well the addiction is multifaceted. Meaning its more complex. Sorry not trying to depress you, I'm just saying food addiction well, its tough to get a handle on.

I lost 100lbs over 5yrs and slowly changed the way I looked at my addiction, in a way I severed my love affair with it one step at a time. One of the first things I did was start exercising. Yeah I know easier said then done. But, once you get those muscles going you'll feel better. Then I started to tackle the actual addiction. One food at a time. ie. I could drink 24 cans of coke in a day. Not good eh? So, I tackled that one first and so forth. Ya just gotta start tackling it. Being thin, trust me, you will like it and u can do it if you really want to. Kessler had to avoid fast food joints because the smells, for him, were sooooo addictive and enticing. For me it was the convience store. For awhile I couldn't step foot in one.

You can do it and the feeling you get when you put the thin jeans on.... WOW blows your mind away. When I lost the weight and I went into a clothing and the woman said u must be a medium. I almost wept with happiness. You should google Kessler and read up on what he says. I blame corporations and how they make money off making people fat! Where's their moral responsibility in this. I never go in any fast food joints anymore and you have to realize that your not alone in your struggle. I still struggle with it and so does Dr. Kessler. But there is hope and You can do it. Good Luck eh!

May 13, 2012
1 like
rubyetuesday

I empathized with all of you and myself. I have always had weight issues that started when I was a kid. I suffer from binge eatting and my weight going up and down. I was within 20 lbs of my goal and had a medication change for my bipolar disorder and gained 40 lbs in two months. You wouldn't think that is possible but it is. I'm going down again but it is a major struggle. Bonnie if you would like I would be happy to be your friend. I work on my weight constantly and would enjoy having a buddy.

Feb 3, 2012
1 like
tjo1065

wow thats good that you are trying it the healthy way this time s for myself i have gained alot of weight and I knew that I was getting huge but I just didnt want to get on a scale to weigh myself but I did one day and i had weighed the most I have ever weighed (455lbs) now im just in a rut of eating whatever i want and not worried about my weight it became to stressful

Apr 19, 2011
2 likes
DislocatedSun

I know tottaalllyyy what you mean by it.

I'm glad you are being healthy about it.

Goodluck with it, you sound like you can do this :))

Oct 4, 2009
2 likes

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