TO Hell and Back!!!!!

MY NAME IS ANONYMOUS AND I AM A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC DRUG ADDICT. MY EXPERIENCE WITH DRUGS BEGAN OVER SOME TWENTY YEARS AGO AT THE RIPE AGE OF 18. AT THAT AGE YOU ARE SUPPOSE T0 BE OUT ENJOYING YOUR LIFE, AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT THAT I WAS DOING. YOU SEE, IT WAS GUY THAT TOLD ME THAT HE LOVED ME THAT STARTED ME ON MY ONE WAY TICKET TO HELL. IT STARTED AS A CASUAL THING . I COULD USE MY DRUGS A STILL MAINTAIN A HOME, STILL DO THE THINGS THAT I ENJOYED DOING BUT THEN IT SEEMED LIKE ALL OF A SUDDEN I WOKE UP ONE DAY AND ALL OF THAT CHANGED. I HAD LOST MY CHILDREN, LOST MY HOME, AND MOST IMPORTANT I HAD LOST ME. I LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AND THERE WAS THIS PERSON IN THE MIRROR LOOKING BACK AT ME THAT I DIDN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE AN ND IT SCARED ME TO DEATH. I BEGAN DOING THINGS TO GET MY DRUGS THAT I WOULD HAVE NEVER DONE UNDER NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES, SUCH AS, SELLING MY BODY, LYING, CHEATING, STEALING. ALL OF OF THESE THINGS LANDED ME IN AND OUT OF JAILS. I MANAGE TO LAND MYSELF IN PRISON FOR A TOTAL OF FOUR TRIPS. AND AS I SIT HERE AND TOTAL THE NUMBER OF YEARS THAT I DID IT ALL ADDS UP TO TWELVE YEARS. SO YOU KNOW IN THAT PERIOD OF TIME I WAS WATCHING MY CHILDREN GROW UP FROM TOTS TO TEENS RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES. I BECAME DEAF, BECAUSE I COULDN'T HEAR THE CRIES OF MY CHILDREN FOR ME TO COME BACK TO THEM AND MAKE THINGS THE WAY THEY USE TO BE. THE WEIRD THING TO ME IS, THAT OUT OF ALL THOSE TIMES THAT I HAD GOTTEN ARRESTED IT DIDN'T EVEN SEEM THAT WAY TO ME .IT WAS AS IF INSTEAD OF BEING ARRESTED, I WAS BEING RESCUED, RESCUED FROM MYSELF BECAUSE THINGS HAD GOTTEN THAT OUT OF CONTROL. I NEED FOR ANYONE THAT'S OUT THERE READING TO UNDERSTAND THAT AN ADDICTION DOES NOT JUST ROB YOU OF PHYSICAL AND MENTAL THINGS, BUT THAT IT ALSO TAKES AWAY FROM YOU SPIRITUALLY. I NEVER REALIZED THAT THERE WAS SO MUCH EVIL IN THE WORLD UNTIL I DOVE HEAD FIRST INTO SA TANS WORLD. HE HAD A HOLD THAT WAS SO STRONG ON ME THAT HE HAD ME THINKING THAT THE ONLY WAY OUT OF THIS LIFE OF MISERY WAS TO KILL MYSELF. WELL I ATTEMPTED THAT A FEW A TIMES, AND AS YOU CAN TELL I WAS NOT SUCCESSFUL IN THAT AREA EITHER. SO NOW I'M THINKING THAT I HAVE ALLOWED MYSELF TO GET SO LOW THAT GOD NOR THE DEVIL WANTS ME AND I WAS JUST DOOMED TO LIVE THAT LIFE UNTIL I DIED, OR SOMEONE KILLED ME IN SOME TERRIBLE DEATH. IT WAS AS IF I WAS NOT LIVING THAT I WAS JUST EXISTING. I USE TO WALK THE STREETS AT NIGHT ALONE CRYING WISHING THAT I KNEW OF AWAY TO END THIS LIFE OF MISERY. AFRAID OF MY OWN SHADOW, PRAYING ASKING GOD THAT IF HE COULD STILL HEAR ME TO PLEASE HELP ME AND THROW ME A LIFE JACKET BECAUSE I WAS DROWNING. WELL HE HEARD ME TODAY I'M GOING ON FOUR YEARS CLEAN. I'VE GOTTEN MY CHILDREN BACK, I'VE GOTTEN ME BACK. TODAY I'M GLAD TO LOOK INTO THE MIRROR ,BECAUSE THE PERSON THAT LOOKS BACK AT ME IS ME THE REAL ME.    

goodnightsleep goodnightsleep
36-40
1 Response Mar 28, 2009

Congrats for the Four years of daily miraclles,GNS ! Thank you for sharing your life,your experience ,Strength n Hope with us,it inspires me and I'm sure others,too.<br />
Have a wonderful day of freedom.<br />
Love n Hugs