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All the Time.

It basically boils down to this: my relationship with myself is an all or nothing ordeal.

I expect perfection from myself in most every aspect of my life, and if I'm not perfect I feel like I'm worthless. Failure and rejection is not something I can take lightly, and so much effort is spent trying to understand what went wrong. I suppose this would be a good trait to have, if only I didn't obsess over these failures for so long.

This trait manifests itself in my actions a couple different ways. Firstly, such introspection leads to me be very hesitant of trying new things, because odds are I won't be good enough at them. And then if I do happen to will myself to take that first step, anything besides success is catastrophic for my self confidence.

Probably the best example of this is my love life. I take the rejection personal, that their disapproval must automatically mean there is something wrong with me.

For someone who likes to think himself intelligent, you would think I'd be able to shake off such a ridiculous notion.

deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Feb 10, 2009

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Remember that story I was hunting for? Found it.

WMYTIN:<br />
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Awesome avatar pic of B. Russell, BTW. Great story.

YAY!

failure is a learning experience, learning to love yourself little harder but sooooooooo worth it!

I love your post and can relate on so many levels, especially with the not trying new things due to failure. Thank you for sharing. :)

This is an excellent post. Thank you for sharing. <br />
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I can most certainly relate to trying to figure out what went wrong. Of course, I rarely if ever yield any results or worthy answers.

Being brave Is good and all but I've found that It's an almost impossible improvement. I think the best Idea Is to just try to have fun and lose yourself. I too have that problem with perfection and shyness. I try to knock It out with some form of drug to reduce your inhibitions. It doesn't take much, but it does take practice you just have to try at every chance you get to be that little bit more brave, daring, and crazy. Besides those are all things that will attract other people to you and allow you to have more fun. Also try to be open minded about things you don't like. Ex. I've always said I hate dancing, partially because I suck at it, but I really do enjoy holding some cute girl next to me and trying the best I can to have fun.

First of all could you just understand that you are not a robot. All humans are imperfect. All humans are prone to making mistakes. That is how some of our greatest inventions were come by and one of our greatest strengths, really!<br />
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Secondly, you have got to realize that you were not put here to be perfect. You were put here to learn how to Love everything about yourself...yeah even the parts you don't think are that great. And then to use that Love, Compassion, and the rest of that good stuff to help the rest of us. Each of us was meant to be each others keeper so to speak.<br />
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Thirdly, If we humans were not so moved or unmoved by our own self pride we could see this simple little truth. If you want to start perfecting something try using some of those efforts by teaching someone to read, helping a neighbor shop, cook, or swim. Whatever makes a positive difference in their life and yours... DO IT. <br />
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Fourth, Why are we always judging ourselves by someone elses' standards? Who gave them all that power over your life? Could it be maybe you did? Why, because you thought they were so all that? Well they could not have been all that great because they are just human, too! Last time I looked no one down here looks like the Creator or Christ, so why would you give this person or anyone else that much power over your life? What are you really trying not to do?<br />
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You are not perfect but I bet you are Magnificent and you don't even know it. Intelligence is over rated if you can't get past your shoelaces with it. All the greatest pieces of art, music, and buildings have imperfections, sweetie - but are considered Magnificent, Greatest Wonders of the Modern and the Ancient World, beautiful and ageless.<br />
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You are one of the Greatest works of the Creator and if the Creator thinks enough of you to wake you up every morning with all your wits and senses in place and give you another chance at life ... who are you to argue?!<br />
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Add some Love and Compassion to all that intelligence you have and your Magnificence will be complete. But will you be able to accept it? I truly hope so.<br />
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Peace Light and Love to You.

WMYTIN, CBM et al.:<br />
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This one is a toughie. The correct answer as per Dr Phil, advice columns in magazines like "Glamour" and FHM etc, and as per people who are training to be astronauts is that we must NOT allow fear of rejection to stop us from making progress in our love lives.<br />
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But how can it NOT feel personal if you are rejected after putting your heart out there? Ha? One useful thing to remember as you lick your wounds is that attraction/ couples are also a question of timing and circumstances, being there at a time in your lives when each of you needs, wants, and can accept what the other can provide.<br />
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It's harder for men, because most cultures expect them to make the first move. FWIW, I suspect that the "love radars" of human beings are not as accurate or helpful as we think. I've accidentally scored people who were so incredibly out of my league that it was a shock for me to discover their feelings for me. And at the same time, I've felt dejected and bewildered when people who were more "attainable" just didn't like me in "that way".<br />
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So be brave! You don't know who is out there secretly panting for you and waiting for you to notice her. I think maybe CBM could give a girl's perspective? I'm sure that even she -- she, the model & EP megastar, and French to boot -- knows what it feels like to like a man secretly but be completely unsure of his feelings.<br />
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good luck --<br />
Andrew

Yeaaaah cyanide, you're a TERRIBLE person. k? They obviously know the intricacies of your friendship, the inside jokes, the boundaries. Pay attention to their judgements.. <br />
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BAHAHAHAHA.

the mint person saying "you are a stupid idiot and being mean to yourself" well you are a stupid idiot minty for making a mean comment like that.

Definitely more qualified than MY shrink....lol