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My Worst Critic

My worst critic: ME!

I have always been the type to really be hard on myself - I do expect perfection - from myself more than anyone else.  I get so frustrated with myself when I don't live up to MY expectations.

Lately, this has become worse for me.  I have reached an age (many of you have already read this in my other stories) where I am re-examining my life - looking back and looking ahead.  I am proud of many of my accomplishments (which I am having to remind myself of because I am dwelling on the negative a lot) - I finished college in 4 years with a double major (all I think about is the fact that I could have gotten better grades ), I was a missionary in a Juvenile Prison Facility (all I think about is all the weight I gained "eating" the kids problems), I went to graduate school and graduated with a 3.85 (all I think about is the fact that I changed my graduate assistantship from Career Services to Financial Aid and the fact that it was a huge mistake - I hated working in Financial Aid) - and this is just the beginning.

Do you see my problem?  I can't seem to give myself a break or give myself credit where credit is due - every accomplishment I downplay with some part of it that wasn't PERFECT.  So, now I can beat myself up for this too - that I am beating myself up - and I am 43 and haven't learned that perfection is unattainable!  A vicious cycle - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!

So, reading this, I hope that some of you that are struggling with Perfectionism or thinking you should be further along in your life - I hope that I make you feel better!  (LOL!)

 

I guess I should give myself credit for knowing my imperfections and realizing I need to give myself a break - but what has taken me so long???  (You see, I did it again!  I did that on purpose - I had to lighten the mood somehow!)

AnalyticalAly AnalyticalAly 41-45, F 3 Responses Mar 15, 2009

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i am the same way! sometimes i'll try to remember some of my accomplishments in order to feel better about myself, and then i'll start underscoring them with things i didn't do perfectly then. it's a nasty cycle!<br />
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and i think you summed it up really well--the only person who i hold to impossible standards is myself! i make myself nuts sometimes. but please remember how awesome you are and that only good things will come of being kind to yourself. that's a lesson i'm still learning!

You are so very right and being okay with that is what I need to work on. You are also right that we have more privileges than most and we should be grateful for them. Thanks for the reminder!

people make mistakes to learn from them.<br />
ofcourse everybody thinks that they could have done better, but any accomplishment is something to be proud of. <br />
we have a lot more privelages than most people. we should at least be greatful of that. <br />
the things that you do perfectly, good for you. but the things you don't do so pefectly in, don't worry. you can't be perfect at everything.