My Worst Critic

My worst critic: ME!

I have always been the type to really be hard on myself - I do expect perfection - from myself more than anyone else.  I get so frustrated with myself when I don't live up to MY expectations.

Lately, this has become worse for me.  I have reached an age (many of you have already read this in my other stories) where I am re-examining my life - looking back and looking ahead.  I am proud of many of my accomplishments (which I am having to remind myself of because I am dwelling on the negative a lot) - I finished college in 4 years with a double major (all I think about is the fact that I could have gotten better grades ), I was a missionary in a Juvenile Prison Facility (all I think about is all the weight I gained "eating" the kids problems), I went to graduate school and graduated with a 3.85 (all I think about is the fact that I changed my graduate assistantship from Career Services to Financial Aid and the fact that it was a huge mistake - I hated working in Financial Aid) - and this is just the beginning.

Do you see my problem?  I can't seem to give myself a break or give myself credit where credit is due - every accomplishment I downplay with some part of it that wasn't PERFECT.  So, now I can beat myself up for this too - that I am beating myself up - and I am 43 and haven't learned that perfection is unattainable!  A vicious cycle - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!

So, reading this, I hope that some of you that are struggling with Perfectionism or thinking you should be further along in your life - I hope that I make you feel better!  (LOL!)


I guess I should give myself credit for knowing my imperfections and realizing I need to give myself a break - but what has taken me so long???  (You see, I did it again!  I did that on purpose - I had to lighten the mood somehow!)

AnalyticalAly AnalyticalAly
41-45, F
4 Responses Mar 15, 2009

What happens to the self under the Christian faith? It is an important question as the self is the only thing we own. It is the only thing we will take out with us when we go out of this world. It is the thing we have to live with while we are here. You can'��t blame some people for not wanting to live with themselves forever. The self is not a good companion.
Modern psychology says three things about the self. Know thyself, accept thyself, and express thyself. I would have to reject this view of personality of the modern psychologist. What is the matter with these three things?
First of all they say, know yourself. But, you cannot know yourself studying yourself in relationship to yourself and others. You have got to know yourself in relationship to something beyond yourself, higher than yourself'�'God. You have got to know the purposes and that plan. The Christian faith teaches that you are a child of God and your destiny is to be made like the son of God. Second, they say accept yourself. But how can you accept an unacceptable self often full of conflicts, confusion, fears, resentments, self-preoccupation and guilt? To tell a man to accept himself under those circumstances is to tell him the impossible. You cannot accept yourself because yourself is not an acceptable self.
Third, express yourself. But you get a dozen people together, all of whom want to express themselves, and then what have you got?
What is the matter with these things? They lack one thing, and that one thing is the thing that the Christian faith would put into it: Surrender yourself, give back to God the one thing you own, lose it in a higher purpose '�' a higher will. What will happen to that self when you surrender yourself to God? Does He say, '��Now that I got him, I wipe him out?'�� Did God create us to annihilate us? Then what kind of a Creator would He be? The more I belong to God and His Kingdom, the more I belong to myself. Bound to Him, I walk the earth free. Low at His feet I stand straight before everything else. I lose my life, but I find it again. I am never so much my own as when I am most His. So the self is not wiped out. It is cleansed and because it will live with God, it can live with itself. And if you can live with yourself, you can live with others. I cannot only accept myself, but I can love myself. Christianity teaches self love. '��Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.'�� You can love yourself because you love something beyond yourself.
I accept myself because I have been accepted by Him. I cannot reject what he accepts. I cannot despise what He loves. If He loves me, I love myself. So you find yourself in the place where you can take the second point of psychology, accept yourself. We do now. It is wonderful to be able to live with the self you can accept. Then third, you can express yourself. Why? Because Paul said, '��FOR ME TO LIVE IS CHRIST.'��
When I express myself, then I express Him. So I can express myself. I'��m a witness to what He is and what He does for me.
It is a wonderful thing then to lose your life in a will, a purpose, a higher purpose that your own, and it comes back to you again. The self is not wiped out. You now know yourself, you accept yourself, and you express yourself. These three things can be acceptable because in front of all three of them, you surrender yourself. Yourself in your own hands is a problem and a pain, but yourself in the hands of Christ is a possibility and a power. If you will surrender yourself to Jesus Christ today, you will find yourself again no longer a problem but a power, no longer a conflict but a conqueror. It is wonderful to be His because when you are His, you are your own.

i am the same way! sometimes i'll try to remember some of my accomplishments in order to feel better about myself, and then i'll start underscoring them with things i didn't do perfectly then. it's a nasty cycle!<br />
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and i think you summed it up really well--the only person who i hold to impossible standards is myself! i make myself nuts sometimes. but please remember how awesome you are and that only good things will come of being kind to yourself. that's a lesson i'm still learning!

You are so very right and being okay with that is what I need to work on. You are also right that we have more privileges than most and we should be grateful for them. Thanks for the reminder!

people make mistakes to learn from them.<br />
ofcourse everybody thinks that they could have done better, but any accomplishment is something to be proud of. <br />
we have a lot more privelages than most people. we should at least be greatful of that. <br />
the things that you do perfectly, good for you. but the things you don't do so pefectly in, don't worry. you can't be perfect at everything.