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My Problem

I care too much about everything.  I don't know what to do about it.  I want to know what I did wrong and why I was bad and what I can do to improve myself.  It's exhausting.  I am so tired of trying to fix what is wrong with myself and hating myself for tiny things.

Tonight my fiance told me he wanted to go visit a friend for a night since we are staying at my parents' house until we get married this Saturday and he felt cooped up in the house.  I got so upset and cried and kept asking him what I did wrong to drive him from the house.  He would answer that there was nothing I did wrong.  The fifth time I asked he began to laugh.  Then I got more mad because he was laughing at me crying.  I was so upset that he wouldn't tell me what I did to drive him away.  The truth is that he just wanted to hang out with his buddy.  I am so driven to perfection and so driven to make everyone happy that I have become a miserable mess.  I feel anxious and unworthy to marry this man.  Part of me knows that this is not true, but parts of me feel like I can't be married to anyone until I am the perfect spouse.  So, as the days get closer to the wedding, I dislike everything about myself more and more.  I feel so on edge and so close to completely hating myself.  I need help.  What happens when my husband finally does get tired of my irrational fear over making mistakes or of upsetting people? 

bobob0109 bobob0109 22-25, F 4 Responses Jan 12, 2010

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My negative feelings about myself started in childhood. I had ADHD but wasn't diagnosed till I was grown. Early on I just did not "get it" sometimes and would feel so stupid. I really wanted to be liked and get approval and i would mess up so much.Sometimes I would turn inside myself (Icall it making myself totally unaware of what was going on around me) Other times I would agonize over all the things I did wrong. If anything around me went wrong I would automatically asume it was my fault. So I've felt guilty about one thing or another as far back as I ca remember. I have a little demon inside that will rear her ugly face and lash out at everybody, but afterwards I would get so depressed and just beat myself up, over and over. <br />
There are some cruel people in the world who just love to find people like me and I startted growing a pretty tough skin. Sometimes I would lash out at people who were truly kind and did not deserve it.<br />
I guess you live and learn but it does not make it much easier. Take Care.

i know how you feel. i'm there too. i feel my husband is too good for me. well anytime im happy about something i feel i dont deserve it. when im abused i think i brought it on myself. im afraid to laugh for fear that it might bring tears later. my body hurts with all this pent up emotional stress. but for all of us i do wish happiness. the kind that we look for, then find and think we dont deserve it. especially the kind that come from gratefulness. we are grateful you see. we are grateful for our husband we appreciate the good things that happen to us. but we dont appreciate ourselves. maybe thats what it would mean to love ourselves. thank you so much for sharing with me. i was afraid to sleep right now. and i went looking for what to do because i beat myself and was in too much pain and fear to sleep and i found your posts. i hope you feel better, breath better smile easier. enjoy your marriage. give yourself that wedding gift :) i'll pray for you all before i close my eyes. thank you for helping me.

I think is right, I don't know how much the Pamprin works but may make it easier to get through that time of the month, I think there maybe something about taking the pill, but I don't suggest to stop taking it, If I were you I'd talk to my doctor and tell him or her what your going through right now. <br />
I was like you said, trying to be perfect, but by the time I had my first child three years after I got married, I found out I wasn't perfect but I was going to try to be the best Mother I could be, and I knew I had to relax and try not to get so upset about things so I could be that good mother. But it's not easy. You'll have lots of ups and downs, but that's life. Either except it or be very miserable and don't. And it takes time to have all the things that others have taken years to accumulate. It seems like everyone is in such a hurry and in being in a hurry, you miss out on so much, just take time to smell the Roses. And don't try to keep up with the Jones's. My daughter in law spends the money faster than my son can bring it home. She thinks she has to have everything new. They have had 3 cars in 5 years and she gets new phones all the time and has her nails done and tanning and she changes her hair color more times than she changes her mind. And she doesn't send Thank You notes. I don't think she's thankful for anything. Just appreciate everything, your husband, your family, his family, the least expensive gift as mush as the most expensive. And pay for patience for yourself and knowledge for your children, Pray for your husbands safe return home. Never go to bed mad at each other and you will have more wealth than any of your other friends, see if they are still married 25 years from now.

I was much like you as a young woman, and unfortunately it went on for years after I married, making life miserable for my husband and my children. My husband was strong in character, though, and because of him, I think, the children turned out fine. But I spent a lot of time crying and not being happy because I had low self-esteem, comparing myself to others, and always wishing I could be a better wife and mother. If I had relaxed, learned to love myself (because of understanding God's love for me), I would have been a most excellent wife and mother. I also think I had PMS and it had not yet been discovered. A friend my age said she used to take Pamprin in those days and it helped her moods at that time of the month. It was such a simple remedy. Love yourself. Obviously so many people love you just the way you are. If you love yourself, you will end up loving others and giving of yourself freely to them.