A Second Chance At Having Life That God Bestow Upon Me

I'm going to jump right into my experience, and I hope after I post this, it will change someones life. I quit high school in twelfth grade at my second attempt. Through my twenties I went on a journey to fine who I am, and lived homeless all through those years and even into my early thirties. As a youngen I spoke very softly, and had no idea how to raise my voice. I have always had faith that there has to be a God, and through the homeless years I believed a little more from what I've seen. I started seeing signs that God would send me, I've always been very observant, and have seen what others haven't. I believe everybody has a purpose for being upon this Earth, it's just you need to believe, have a open mind, and have faith that he will only lead you on the fact that you have a reason from God to enhance the future of this planet. I realized God wanted to teach me to sing from the signs I saw, and in through those years, I learned to raise my voice and manipulate my vocals in many ways, even to this day I still learn new things with my vocals. I'm not saying I was taught just so people could hear me speak, I can sing as loud as the famous tenors. And sometimes I think maybe I'm able to get louder. I can't do my best at this time, the last two years, I've been confined to my bed from a stage 4 bed soar, and have lost much stimuli,.I met a woman that I new was from a dream, and we did get married. We tried having a child for up to about three years, and even had ourselves checked out. It was funny, I took a ***** sample to the woman's clinic in Lafayette, Indiana, set it up on the reception desk where two women were sitting. I told them “this is my seaman sample for the lab”, oh man, if looks could kill, they both look at me, and I could see the words in their eyes, saying “you expect one of us to touch that”. I lift with a smirk upon my face, it was funny. But everything was fine, except Sherri (wife) had a problem with bulimia. The doctor did give Sherri techniques she could use to levitate our chance to conceive, which she did conceive two months before my accident. I got off work one day from second shift, and went to a bar after. Where I had seven, eight beers and five or six shots of Wild Turkey (it was my favorite whiskey). Just as the bar was closing at 2am, I bought a six pack and went driving on the back gravel roads; for some reason I liked to do this. I was going down one of the roads doing around 75mph. I was driving a '93 Ford Ranger Splash 4X4, like the ones on Bay Watch, but mine was baby blue. I saw a stop sign come in view, and I really wish I had the next few seconds over, and have the thought over again. Instead of slowing and stopping. I got right to the stop sign , pulled up on the hand brake, and tried drifting around the 90% corner from gravel to pavement. That's the last thing I remember until about eight hours later, which I found myself in a very bright room, and hearing people shouting orders. I have to say, when I'm in pain, I do not like anyone touching me. I was lying on my back and they were trying to turn me over, where I started throwing my arms to get these people off me. And then I heard a woman tell me “Richard please calm down, we need to turn you over to check your back for glass. I have heard a lot of women say no man knows the pain of child birth, bull ****. Women may have a higher tolerance to pain than men, but many of us know that pain. As I, when they went to turn me over I passed back out from the pain. The next time I came to reality, I found myself in a recovery room from a seven hour surgery. And I would love to meet this one nurse again; she came in, held my hand, trying to comfort me, and made sure I got what I needed as for pain. I was in Methodist Hospital in Indianapolis, IN around the time of the time trials of the Indy 500. Another nurse came in just after my mother came in to be by my side; this is her youngest child of four that at my age of three, had to over come her fear of water to keep me from drowning. I had fell in Wildcat Creek in Tippecanoe County of Indiana; my mother over came of not being able to swim, to save one of her loving children. A different nurse came in and said the had to keep me in recovery, they had a race driver have an accident and wanted to make sure they have a bed for him. Oh no, this nurse just said something that my 5'1” 110 pound mother something she was not going to take. My mother saw me as just important as this driver. I don't know what she said, but it wasn't 20 minutes later I was in a bed. I had found out that when I went around that corner, my truck slid sideways into a small ditch next to the road. The truck rolled, they said, eight or nine times; I didn't have my seat belt on and was ejected out of the truck. And this was one of those stories if my seat belt would have been on I would not be writing this story. The back of the drivers seat went out the back window, and the hood came down just at about half way down on the seat; it would have broke my neck. I had broken five ribs, collapsed both lungs, severe head concussion, broke T10 vertebra, and crushed T11 that shredded my spinal cord. I am very lucky even from having these injuries, I had laid in the field for over two hours when a newspaper lady doing her early farmers route found me. I also have never even met this angel either, and I'm glad it was a very cool May morning; it slowed down my circular system. Keeping me from having more brain damage than I have. There are some memories from my younger days that I don't remember, some were even good friends and I couldn't remember their names. I also have a problem sometime with short term memory. The accident happened in Warren Co. and they took me to the hospital in Williamsport, IN and had to life line me to Indy. Williamsport hospital even by the community call it the band-aid hospital. When something serious happens most of the people take the chance to make it to Lafayette. Because the hospital could not stabilize me, and I had to get to a facility that could give me proper care. They had put a chest tube in each side to inflate my lungs, and in the surgery they put two rods about eight inches on both sides of my spinal column, connected three plates to the rods, each plates had two hooks on each that was inserted in between stable vertebra's, and then a two inch screw to keep the metal from moving. I would normally stop here about my story, but I have things shown to me that others need to know. I always, like I said earlier have had faith that God was there, and through this time I was shown he is real. Jesus was 33 years old when he was crucified and rose from the dead three days later. My accident was 3 days after my 33rd birthday, I also went on a spiritual journey while in the hospital. I say spiritual journey because I was close to death, but I did not die and have an out of body experience, see myself from hovering over my body, and bright lights shining from above. No no, this was very different. I was lying awake in my hospital bed and closed my eyes just for a moment; when I opened them back up I found myself in complete darkness, I actually thought how could the Sun go down so quick, but then I realized that even with the Sun down it wouldn't be so dark, and quite confused. And then from my peripheral vision I saw a very dim light shine to the left of me; so I looked over and there was a open door that had a corridor leading away from it. I say corridor because through the door the corridor led to the right outside the door, and the wall looked very rigid like within a cave. I also got a better look at the dim light which was flickering and glowing red and yellow colors. I have been to many late night outside parties with boom fires, and always memorized by the fire; it's almost hypnotic, which I new there was a fire down the corridor. As I watched the door I saw a shadow rising up on the wall, and felt it was coming closer. It started with a evil presence and as the shadow shown larger on the wall, the presence got stronger. Suddenly the evil changed into fear; the fear of water from almost drowning at 3, and fear of the night. At the age of ten I was in bed in a room me and my sister shared. It was quite through the night when I was awoke from something I can't really remember, but I was woke up by something. And when I did I setup and saw a white mist form; it didn't look like anyone specific, it was just that it looked, what people would say, a ghost. But I don't believe in ghost, but I do believe in spirits. As the fear I rolled over on my side and covered my head with my blanket hoping it would go away, but it did not. I felt it come around my bed, and then something I cannot explain or maybe no one else could. I heard music, and not just any music, it was like an orchestra right there in my bedroom; I mean it was very loud. I thought my mom had maybe turn her music up loud, but my mother listen to country music. After this night I could only sleep with my head covered and some light what so ever, even just a little night light, and this fear stayed with me well in to my late teens, and I still have the fear of water. I only like to be in water that I can see the bottom of. The shadow had stopped but I could see it, and my fear was not the same I felt through my life, this was very very strong. There are no words I can think of to describe how strong it was, it was almost felt like the fear of the whole Earth; maybe saying that is a little to much; it's just not the ability to describe it correctly. I had to get away; no one likes to be submitted to fear, unless it's controlled fear like at an an amusement park. So I was just not going to lay there and be consumed within this evil soul I felt in that cavern. I tried moving and sit up, but I couldn't move, someone was holding me from behind. I could feel their arms around me, and the more I tried to get away, the tighter the hold of the arms got. Then I thought “is this it, after all I've been through that God has given me away out, lord I thought you wanted me for something special, learning how to use my voice, has it all been in vane”? So I laid back and waited for eternal pain and suffering, my soul was lost. And I felt shame for all the things I've done wrong, and all the secrets I had within my closet that altered lives in many ways, and as I laid my head back. As soon as my head laid on the one holding me; the door disappeared. I shut my eyes, and the fear diminished. I felt a very powerful calm and love come over me. And I felt myself rising but very slowly, like my care was to be as safe as a new born baby in its mothers arms. It started getting lighter around me with the arms even holding me lighter. And then I felt the arms no more, and felt myself enter back into my body. I really believe I was at hells gate, but not to go through, but to know that I was headed that way. And even today; fifteen years later, I remember the feeling of entering back into my body; I would say it was like falling and safely caught, not knowing you were safe. I have thought quite a lot about you held on to me down there, who could hold on to me when this evil came to me. Make your own conclusion, but I only know one who has been to hell and has returned. But like I said I didn't into hell, I was at the gate of hell. But the signs are not over, God made sure that I knew without a shadow of a doubt he is real, for after the hospital they took me to RHI (Rehabilitation Hospital of Indiana). My first roommate was a man named Mr. White, and with everything that fell in place I had thought of this man Mr. White. It wasn't the man, it was the man's name “White”. White is considered a sign of good, like good guys wear white, bad guys wear black. Also a thought about Moses came to me, when he went up to talk with God I don't know what color his hair was when he went up, but when he came down his hair, beard, and mustache was white, so white that it shone so that he had to put a cloth over his head when with the one he was to lead to the promise land. The next day they brought in a very elder gentleman that was a priest, and if it wasn't for his wisdom and prayers I would have been in there more than I was. But you wouldn't believe what his name was, anybody remember the cult that Jim Jones had and all the people to follow him to death, yes his name was Jim Jones, and yes a little freaky. God still was not done; I had to stay with my mother for a couple weeks until I could find a place of my own. My wife and I had a falling out (but that's a different story), and my mother lived next to Tom Camp, who of course was a priest. Actually if anybody knows Jeremy Camp, this was his dad. I met Jeremy when he still was in high school. And to be honest, for awhile I was jealous of Jeremy. I felt that thy Father wanted me for something special and was related to my vocals, and when Jeremy hit it big, I felt cheated, I had been searching for more than a decade to fill my place on the Earth, and it was like this kid passed cutting in front of me in the waiting line of life. But I know Jeremy is only following the path that God had for him, and should feel happy for him. It's like today I would love to see how many people he brought to the Lord, for that bringing people to our Father is, I would say, the number one goal of anybody who puts his trust in God. But that's the story of my fork in the road of life that God showed me I better change, or the next time I find myself in that dark place again will be eternal!!!
ricusjason1964 ricusjason1964
46-50, M
May 16, 2012