Silent Treatment

Mum used to use the silent treatment on Dad.  It drove him wild.  After he passed away, I got the same treatment.

I have noticed myself doing the same to other people when I get angry.  Rather than lash out with abuse, I clam up.  Partly because I get wound up so much that I can't think clearly enough to say what needs to be said.

I think I'm getting better at expressing how I'm feeling, but it's a slow process.

Koala1964 Koala1964
51-55, M
7 Responses Feb 20, 2009

I agree that communication is key if you're in a close relationship with someone.<br />
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I'm not in a relationship currently, but I would indeed do my best to let that person, whom I had allowed to get close to me, know what I'm thinking... but without trying to sound offensive.<br />
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It's not always easy though. Some people can take almost anything that you say and turn it around into something entirely different, something far removed what what you intended to say. I think that's one of the reasons it's tempting for me to remain quiet.<br />
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May your life improve, CDeBonville (((Hugs)))

I usually need a bit of time to think of a suitable reply too.<BR><BR>If you felt perhaps that Mum was doing the same, I should mention that it was one of the things raised by one my brother-in-laws at the funeral. He said that no matter what the brother-in-laws were being told by their wives after a drinking/smoking session in the billiards room on a Sunday evening, it was not nearly as bad as what my Dad endured... sometimes for days.<BR><BR>I'd forgotten about it until he (brother-in-law) mentioned it.

When I am upset, I need to withdraw and think. Then to work out what has happened and how to deal with it. It's not a case of giving the other person the "silent treatment". I need time to recover and work out an appropriate response.

Thank you for reading :-)<br />
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I can relate to the idea of "what I think doesn't matter". The one time that I felt I could advise my mother about anything, she said she felt that she had to trust this friend of the family to know better.<br />
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It was when she was buying a new car. I was working in the corner of an auto workshop, selling spare parts. I'd hear the mechanics complain bitterly about what a lemon this particular model was (Holden Camira); I told my Mum this and it had no effect. Later, it was agreed by all who drove the car that it really was a piece of s**t.<br />
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One of my sisters went out with Mum later and got a Toyota Corolla. Ok, it wasn't the most patriotic choice, but she needed a vehicle that was going to keep going no matter what, and it was easy to drive.

Or if u do say something it could ruin u instead of help you....

I do this as well, but it's because I have been taught through my childhood and other relationships that what I think and feel don't matter.

I can kind of sympathise with that.