Me And My Mental Health Problems



I've had mental health problems since I was eight years old.

I saw a child psychologist first, who did jack ****, and then at 12 I took my first overdose, on being released from the hospital I was prescribed Valium, antidepressants and Tamazepam for sleeping. At 14, I took my first life threatening overdose, where I was in a coma for four weeks, and I was starving myself. I was given my first antipsychotics, Chlorpromazine 400mgs. At 15, I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act, section 3, for starving myself I had dropped weight to five stone, approx. 70 pounds. I was taking between 90 to 100 laxatives a day, making myself sick 20 times plus.



When I was sectioned, I was force fed four and a half months via a nasogastric tube. I went up to seven and a half stone, during this time I was restrained - tied down - and finally heavily medicated to make me compliant. After this time, I decided to medicate myself, to kill the pain, I never took soft drugs. I started on speed, to lose weight again, and I built to a drug habit of £500/US$800, sometimes a bit more. The main drugs of my choice were speed, heroin and crack cocaine. I injected speed and heroin together. I also on top of those would add LSD, placed on my eyeball under the eyelid, Ecstasy, crystal meth, pink champagne, and I also daily used to inject Ketamine all to kill my mental health issues. At 16, I started getting voices, and then basically took loads of drugs until I was 25, when my mental health problems went off with a literal big bang.



I then at 25 I couldn't get the street drugs I had previously relied on, and I was coming off speed, when I slept for three weeks solid (apart from the toilet trips). Then I was in Boots the Chemists, I was hearing really bad voices - I was completely delusional - when a member of staff asked me what was wrong, and I said "What the **** you looking at, *****?", and then smashed the store up completely.




The Police were called, I was then put on section 3 Mental Health Act, where I was admitted to an acute ward at Fairmile Hospital. They tried to medicate me for four days where I repeatedly told them to **** off. I was isolated where I spent approximately two and a half tears in and out of isolation for non compliance with the treatment regime. Then I was discharged for about three months, on my release I was on depot meds (injections) fortnightly, I didn't go for six weeks, at this time I was delusional again. I believed that the Devil was coming for me, I put tin foil on the windows and doors, and in every crack, nook and space I could find. I slept in bed with a kitchen knife to protect myself from the Devil too. I was sectioned by the Community Mental Health team, with help from the Police, at home, and I was again on section 3 again, and I spent a year and a half in and out of isolation for non compliance of the treatment regime.



Over the next few years I took many overdoses, I took from 13 years old until today three or four life threatening overdoses, the last being 800 Chlorpromazine where no-one was meant to be around, I was found by the Police, and I was in a coma for six weeks. My family were told that, if they were religious, they should call their Minister or Priest, as I was hovering on the edge of death. I then after six weeks became conscious again, I had to learn to walk again, and I spent three months in the general hospital. I was then back on section 3, I spent another year and a half in hospital, where I would escape regularly, the Police, dog teams and helicopters would be sent looking for me, and after four months I was back on isolation.



I was in and out of hospital, until this year I was placed under section 2 of the mental Health Act for assessment, as I had tried - unsuccessfully - to throw myself in front of a train, when I was detained by thew Police. I again wouldn't comply with the treatment, and this time i was pinned to the floor and medicated via IM injection. I am on tablets to this day, and I still have a deep and serious mental health problem.

I have had the following diagnoses since I was 8: (1) Depression/ Eating disorder/ Self Harm (2) Drug Induced Schizophrenia (3) Borderline Personality Disorder (4) Psychotic Depression (5) Schizo - Affective Disorder - a mixture of Bi Polar disorder and Schizophrenia I sleep very little, my partner is suprised at the lack of it, I rarely at the best of times sleep more that three hours a night (and not consecutively), and at worst can run for weeks at a stretch as little as one hour a day.



I believe that because of the traumas throughout my life, but particularly in my early years (between 6 and ten years) I have Multiple Personality Disorder.
roadofdarkness roadofdarkness
36-40
3 Responses May 25, 2012

I never messed with the hard drugs, and i know that while all that you went through doesnt seem that bad, really, i know to the suited professional your a complete mess and just tear jerker for anyone who hasnt been in the rough. Eating disorders are one of those things, like a best friend worst enemy, entertainment facination, and I haven't embraced one. what happens is the absurdity of the lifestyle led blends into the new one revolvant around medical involvement, the help becomes the dependance, and then, the diagnosis the fasination, addiction, answer, excuse, leaving more dependance on diagnosis and treatment, less on the practioners, doubt wonder and frustration could replace trust, but the only constant is the mental illness which is the friend, companion, addiction and relief. As long as your not seeking out cops as a reason to get back on track if you slip up, turning back to excuses, your doing good, rright?

I totally agree with you...it's a darkness that is always there...waiting for the moment that your guard is down to take hold of you and constantly try to push you over the edge. A battle that is ongoing and at times so overwhelming that the thought of ending everything is the only sense of relief that you feel. No can appreciate the level of pain that one feels and how a mental illness affects you unless they too have been there and done that.<br />
I am so sorry to hear that you have had a difficult life and at times we tend to reach for anything or take anything to stop the pain that torments us inside that no one else can see or understand.<br />
I have no real answers for you my friend I wish I did. The only thing that I can say is take each day at a time and always know that there will be bad days as well as good.

thanks honeyxx

My heart is bleeding for you, my friend. I could cry. <br />
Hugs to you.

you so kind life with a mentel illness is hard and difficult