I was in one, well at least I think I was. I feel embarrassed thinking back about it but at the same time it was what I wanted and still wish for. I was 12 years old, being the youngest of 5, I was lonely. I was in a gothic phase haha I skateboarded, loved bands, razored my hair. I met someone on a website everyone was using at the time. The guy messaged me giving me his number and what not. We texted constantly, I was so interested. Then there were times where he wouldnt text back so I wouldnt text him for days and he'd be upset about it. So im thinking, you dont text me back after a few messages so why should I text yo anymore. I assumed he had a ssignificant other because why else would he be short. We exchanged pictures and I was really attracted to him. We showed alot of affection, but the playing hard to get was becoming a problem. I was only 12, he was the first person I've ever been interested in. The fact that he played hard to get made me want him even more, I was emotionally attached. He had eventually asked me to be his significant other but I rejected because I didn't want to do the distance. Btw, we lived an hour away from eachother. I found out he was four years older than me. I was so used to being around older people and was able to mature so it didn't really bother me. He wasn't aware of my age though, he never asked. We had lost contact, but I think it was because I refused to be with him when I really wanted to. He was still all I thought about and so 6 months later I texted him. We kinda caught up, & surprisingly I was bawling like a baby. I felt so stupid for rejecting when he was all I wanted. I had told him I still felt the same because I couldnt take it anymore. He didnt respond the way I was expecting but told me he'd be in town soon. Well that day came and we met for the first time. I was immediately attracted and all of a sudden shy. Im never shy around boys. I get along with them very well. He treated me as if we've been a couple for years. I knew there was something still there. He was my first kiss, my first everything. I did not want to let go, I was so in shock that he was real, he was next to me, in person. It felt right! I had got in trouble but I found a way to talk to him. I seriously cried at night because I missed him so much. He was kind of pulling the same crap, like not texting back for a few hours. I hated that. I felt so stupid, I was thinking omg he doesnt like me he played me. There were often times he'd text me every boyfriend would text. Like it was real! I got the chance to visit him, and it was crazier than before. I kind of questioned myself, about the relationship. He was insecure, he knew himself there would be other people interested in me and was afraid I'd leave him for another. Then again what guy doesnt. I entered high school, I honestly was only interested in him regardless of the other thousand kids at my school. He got upset with me about something and we lost contact. Ive never been so devastated in my short life. I cried almost everyday believing it was my fault. I finally got the courage after a month and texted a long closure. Two weeks later I heard from him, apologizing to me. I was so happy and mad at the same time. I made him pay, & then he was being distant so I broke it off. He went all suicidal it was scary. I didnt want to but I felt like I had to just to wake him up. It didnt last very long and we got back together. Things were so perfect, I trusted him more than before. We talked everday and lasted a year. A few days after the anniversary, I didnt get a response from him, at all. I was thinking he'd come back or I'd hear from him but I didnt. I was in a sport at the time so I didnt really realize how long it had been. He wasnt on social networking either. He totally disappeared. I thought about the situation over and over each day. He seriously had no reason to leave at all, things were perfect! I thought about showing up at his house but I was scared to find out something I wish I didnt. So I decided to wait. Its been months, & I couldnt decide whether to move on or not. He was and still the one I think about everyday. A year has passed and a few months, today. I still havent heard from him. It seems stupid to wait but I need some kind of closure! When I said in the beginning I wasnt sure if I was in a long distance relationship is because, we didnt fully know eachother, & there were times where I felt like I had to catch his attention. My family had no clue. Everybody else did because of course I trusted them. I feel pretty stupid, I didnt need to find someone online I have my whole life ahead of me to find someone. I definitely have options. Im way better than that, I finally realized. But then I reminisce and then everything comes back to me. I think because he was my first everything, so of course im attached. Even being 16 now, he still is the only one I truly cared about. If he were to come back, my dreams will come true and I would die happy. It kind of reminds me of the notebook. The whole point is, if you really like someone the distance is worth it. That feeling when you finally see them after what feels like forever, is amazing. There has to be 100% trust. Dont keep it a secret, be open about it. Try to visit often. & be with someone your own age. I honestly encourage anyone who relies on the internet, to go out there and meet people in person, put yourself out there and try to find someone. But if you prefer online, thats okay too. As long as your happy. I wish you the best of luck, & yes long distance relationships can work, as long as you both are committed. Even though mines is still a mystery, Ive learned alot.
flowerchildx flowerchildx
18-21, F
Aug 26, 2014