It Should Be Punished

I tend to think emotional and verbal abuse go hand in hand. I dealt with it from my family and in a couple of relationships I was in. Anytime I had a feeling of any sort I would be told I was imagining it, making it up, they even called me crazy. My family went to the point of hospitalizing me everytime I voiced or expressed any opinion. They would say belittling things and the minute I stepped up to ask them to stop they would tell me I was being too sensitive and call me a crybaby.

Emotional and verbal abuse is just as damaging as physical and sexual abuse. Words eh? Funny little things. They can build a person up to the point that they feel anything is possible, or tear them down until they are broken inside and feel hopeless. It is kind of like large buildings, it only takes a short amount of time to make them crumble to the ground. Yet it takes so much more time to build them up... Who was the moron who said: "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." They obviously had no real experience with thi

college101 college101
31-35, F
11 Responses Dec 29, 2009

I have skimmed your posts, and I am being urged to share some things with you that may help you: Emotional abusers do embed a deep stain upon our hearts. Fortunately, you can reverse the damage that has been done to you. You can do it all by yourself. First, you have to focus solely on the truth. The truth is hard to see, but if you truly want to heal, you will stop lying to yourself right now, and you will STOP talking to yourself like you are a piece of ****!! People lie!! THEY WERE WRONG TO SAY THOSE THINGS, AND YOU WERE WRONG TO BELIEVE THEM!! This is a very hard habit to break... at least for me. I always believed in everyone else- everyone but me. I changed. I turned to God. I turned to Him with my whole heart and soul. He is changing me everyday... everyday, I improve, learn something new, or re-learn something I had forgotten. I make the choice to live instead of die... every single day. I was in a bad place for a very long time. I still have a long road ahead of me. Retrain your brain. The mind is a very powerful thing. Trust yours,elf, learn to love yourself, talk yourself up and never down. Focus on positivity and eliminate negativism from your environment. I mean, you are an adult now. They planted seeds (LIES) in your mind and in your heart. You have watered and nurtured every seed they planted your whole life, and it is time for you to stop. This IS your life. Take it back. Don't waste anymore time feeding those demons. You need to starve them until they die. Once you do, you will find a lot more light and a lot less darkness. May all your dreams come true.

I had the same experiences as you have and could never put it into words. My mind, soul and heart are all so shaken and for so many years that I stopped trying to make sense of it all. Thank you for sharing your story, it has helped me see that I am not alone. I just wish I could stay present.

And yes, I DO AGREE, IT SHOULD BE A TREATED AS A CRIME!!! I does leave the abuse victim wrecked and messed up in many subtle ways; you may be only aware of it subconsciously for many years, sooner or later though, it will come to the surface !!!!!( I guess in my case, I internalized it for too long, and was too willing to forgive my family and try to forget it, but hey ,THEY NEVER CHANGED!!! and now they really showed their TRUE colors and betrayed me and my husband in a truly unforgivable and despicable way!! (Please read my other article " We were Wrongly accused of not feeding our Son" and see what you think of this, I would make any one SICK!!!!) Thank you for sharing your story, I do empathize with you, college101!!!!

wow - your response grabbed my attention. Your parents sound like mine, they are themselves looking for attention and using you so they remain the victim. That is my mother described exactly. She is so evil, hypocritical, she is the biggest liar and cries to get her way. She has humiliated me in front of people, she has made my brother beat me up, she has talked about me how awful I am to my other family members and they believe her. I had no way out other then to move far away and you want to know something I'm sure you understand, they still try to mess w/my head to make themselves look like the neglected old people that they are now. Nobody in my family now speaks to me ... they say things to me like, "get over it" "they are still your parents" "you will always be lonely because you don't know how to forgive" OMG - I just shut the world out for so long, I want nothing to do w/my family. Example, just today I learned my niece got married, nobody told me. What's wonderful is now I know it's NOT me.

Whatever my "sister" told the rest of the "family" they will not speak to me or my husband, and it became especially bad after my brother passed away recently. They all have my phone number, and email, so if they wanted they could contact me to set things straight. I think a lot of the negative things being said about me is coming from an aunt and one of my cousins,who is a total jerk, and she always has been. They and my "sister" play of each other because they are all the same way: very judgemental and condeming of other people, cruel, arrogant, and rude. They say I "sucked my mother dry emotionally because I had so many issues" blaming me for things that happened 30-40 years ago,well did they ever consider the fact my mother was emotional and verbally abusive, and had an explosive temper and mood swings, she blamed me for being placed in a special education class in preschool to 6th grade ( for distractability and claimed I had "disruptive" behavior) What kid would not act up and be unable to focus in school when their mother is constantly screaming at them, putting them down and even threatening a 4 to 5 child year old (my age at the time) that she was going to "punch my face in" with a raised fist and look of pure out of control rage on her face!

My mother denied all of these things, and whenever I would try to talk about childhood, she would get real defensive, rude, and cut me off, claiming that I could not remember these events, and that the human brain is incapable of recalling deep memories ( that remark mostly comes from my sister, who think she is some kind of "expert" on the human mind and emotions) ! My mother never apologized even once, and never seemed to care or understand about the damage emotional/psychological abuse can cause. She also would call my brother stupid and even poke fun at him ( just as he did to me), telling him he was going to end up as a bum on the street, because he had some learning disabilities, and had difficulty in school. I think my brother suffered from depression and very low self-esteem,even as a child, but she again was in denial, and did not get him proper help or care. I think she feared that a psychologist or doctor would have reported her and her behavior to DCFS/ Child Protective Services about me and my brother.

Your story caught my eye; I put up with the same type of **** and abusive crap most of my life!! As a child, teenager, and even in my young adult years, I was rudely belittled and insulted, screamed and yelled at by my parents and my sister( who is just a mean-spirited *****!!!) When ever I gut upset or showed ANY feelings or emotions they would get mad at me and tell me I was overreacting, too "emotional" a Prima Donna, and my mothers ( and even my brother and sisters response to my ex<x>pression of emotions) favorite phrase was "OH , SOMEBODY LOOKS CROOKED AT YOU AND YOU FALL APART!!!!!" or LIFE DOES NOT GO YOUR WAY AND YOU START BOOHOOING!! Many times she would cover her ears or even walk right out of the room, giving me the cold shoulder when I was upset!! My father would just completely ignore me or threaten to slap me if I got too upset ( ofter he would and that only made me feel even worse!!!)That kind of treatment left me feeling very confused about my emotions and feelings; even today I have difficulty expressing and understanding my own feelings. ( I explain more of this in my story " It seemed like No One cared" and" Locked in my Bedroom")

Been there, I love this site because I meet people w/the same experiences as me who also write it the way I couldn't express it for myself. Thank you for sharing.

So true.Im still hurting from the things that were said to me as a teen

I agree. Physical abuse bruises heal, emotional ones tend to scar for life. As a victim of both, I believe the emotional abuse is worse. It is hard to recover from broken spirit.

Thank you for sharing that, I felt the same for years. Do you have friends who tell you to "get over it" or a family member. Sometimes I just break down and cry and I'm 45 years old and still feel the pain and people who haven't experienced what we had they don't understand. So I keep quite about my issues from know on because I don't want to look to them as someone who is seeking attention from the past. I'm really hurting - this is the greatest site on the net. I'm so glad I found Experience Project.

So true princess *hugs*

if your told often enough that you are useless, can't do anything properly etc, you are going to believe it and there goes your self confidence..... that is abuse.

"Death and Life are in the power of the tongue." (The Bible)

I'm with you on this..Physical, mental and emotional abuse is a crime. & should be treated as such. It can kill a person as easily as a gun..horrible indeed. Good post here, bless you.

Thank you for sharing your story and it's my hope that more people do the same and maybe we can do something about this abuse. Hugs