Trying To Break My Anger Cycle

I am trying to break my anger cycle.

This morning I totally lost it over not being able to find the brown sugar in the pantry.

Why are they so thoughtless?  Don't they know I can't waste time in the morning looking for things?  Why do they shed chaos all over my superb organisation? etc

I was thought stacking, which is what I do when my anger is building.

I exploded.  I knew it wasn't my husband's fault that the brown sugar was in the wrong place but he got the brunt of my ranting.  

Now I am calm again and I am reflecting on what I need to do to break this cycle.

Number 1. is I need to stop thought stacking.  I need to think positively at times like this.  So I can't find the brown sugar!  I could have honey instead.  I could make a little sacrifice (not likely to happen when I am in the build up phase and looking for comfort foods.)

Fortunately, this outburst was short lived and quickly forgotten.  Or so I would like to think.  In reality, I know that my husband will be walking on eggshells for a while.

I really need to address the issue of frustration in my life.  I need to find ways to deal positively with my annoyances.  This weekend I will go and buy a heap of storage containers and organise the pantry properly, something my husband has been wanting me to do for ages.  Next time something is not there that should be I will substitute and look for it later.

And I will try singing a little song, like Taddle Daddle.

Sweet, calm, smiling.
perseverer perseverer
56-60, F
11 Responses Feb 2, 2012

You've got the first step down- you are aware of your actions. Deep breathing helps...

Thank you, flockofturtles, for your wise counsel.

A superb domestic vignette, perseverer, beautifully constructed. <br />
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I hope You have been able to keep singing through your various travails of late.<br />
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And Thank You for introducing me to the mind-mechanism of "thought-stacking". Now I am aware of this process and recognise it clearly in myself, I will do my best not to engage in it any longer. *It doesn't help*!

I have the same problem as you when it comes to sudden bouts of anger. Actually perseverer,I learned that Anger is a Spirit which is not of God, but of the Enemy. Proverbs 29:22 A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression.<br />
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Regardless of the reason for anger, the Bible has answers on what causes anger, examples of good (righteous) and bad (unrighteous) anger and how we should deal with it as Christians. Our earnest prayer should be that God changes our heart as we allow Him to mold us into a vessel fit to carry His gospel to the world. It's hard thou cause every person gets angry at one time or another.

Thank you for sharing this reflection, crafted. I feel that I have failed to appreciate the impact of my emotions on others.

OnlyOneChiquita, yesterday I did an anger management seminar and I immediately identified with the anger cycle. In a nutshell we were taught to recognize when we are in the build up phase and think of ways to stop the negative thoughts we tend to have at such a time.<br />
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Today I came to my classroom and found three of my new chairs were missing, immediately I felt angry. I still have lot to do before the children return on Monday. But I thought about what I learned yesterday and investigated without accusing anyone. But even so, I knew someone had taken those chairs out and noone was owning up. And I had to find replacements. It took me half the day. I was meant to be organizing my curriculum for my special student who is intellectually disabled and autistic. So now I will have to come up tonight and work all night to catch up on the time. I had planned to go with my family to the 20/20 Cricket game, but now that is impossible.<br />
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So you see how frustration builds up! If I am not careful, I could explode over something really trivial. So, I am trying to keep my mood up by singing and by thinking about how much I love this school and don't want the staff to be scared of me. I hope that helps!

Shepherdess, you are a sweet heart and I love you! Thank you for helping me to feel less monstrous!

If you figure it out, I hope that you will share it with the rest of us. My daughters (and their friends) have a habit of taking my hair brush and my make up off my dresser. Despite the fact that we have several other brushes in the restroom and having their own make up bags. <br />
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Every time it happens, I totally lose it. <br />
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After the fact, when I calm down and reflect on my behavior, I am horrified.

A little ranting and raving over not being able to find the brown sugar is just human. NOW, if you turned around and said to the kids and hubs, "I wish you never were born" with an evil looking grimace, THAT would be different. See the difference? You're OK Mom, it's just life!

Thank you both for your comments. Neeran, today I became especially aware of the self talk I go through. In this story I was trying to convey, through my own experience, how unfair and how irrational it is. And while I need to battle with it every day, it does not hurt to pause for a moment and become more aware of what is happening and hopefully avoid those outbursts that can cause so much damage.<br />
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SouthernPlains, I value your wisdom and want to assure you that I value my blessings to the utmost depth of my being, which is why I do not want to spoil the relationships in my life by anger. Breaking the cycle is what I am trying to do. Believe me, no-one is more painfully aware of the trivialness of the triggers than I! Everything you say is so very true.

Yes, It' happens regularly, No matter how we tried to calm ourselves down.