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Maybe I watched too much tv as a kid.

But I have always had this impossible dream in my mind. Of a family that likes each other. Of a mother and a father and some kids. They laugh together, and the tough times only make them stronger. Because no matter what's going on, they care about each other.

I feel like my eyes have been opened for a few months now...to my own home life. Then I turned my eyes to others' lives. To the people around me, and to all of the EPeeps who let me be privvy to their situations. And so, so many of us are in this same situation. And it just makes me sad. I begin to wonder if marriage is an outdated institution after all. If anyone could really be happy with anyone else after time takes its toll.

Is anything really permanent in this life?

Because if love can't last, what is there to live for after all? Everything stems from love. If not, it doesn't mean anything. What is understanding without love? What is generosity? Sacrifice? Without love, they're only a means to bitterness and resentment.

I was watching a video on youtube that a friend sent me. Different ways to pull teeth. Just a joke about the Little Bird and his new hobby.  And this one...I've watched it three times now. Just looking with longing at the family pictured here. Kids are happy, connected, tuned in to mom and dad and siblings...Mom and Dad are so easy with each other, everyone is laughing. God, how I want that. Their interaction is effortless, and the affection between them is almost tangible.

 


The cynic in me wonders what happens when the camera goes away. Does Dad sleep in the guest room? Is Mom having an affair? Is that older kid a bully? Maybe one of the parents has a drinking problem. Everyone has issues. That's part of life. But is it possible to be with someone - long term  - where there is mutual respect and understanding and love and compatibility?

I want to believe in something concrete. I want to see someone who has been married for a long time who can tell me that they've enjoyed the ride. Or that it gets better. Or what makes it get better. I want someone to tell me that this is worth it. Or how to make it worth it. Tell me that I'm faulty, or that my husband is. Just let me know that there is hope for something more. Not even hope for me specifically. Just hope that someone, somewhere could find happiness that will last more than a season.





onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 81 Responses Jul 18, 2010

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I think its a valid question, with all the divorce today. But I think Aw all still dream and hope. I went to a wedding today of a young couple they are so on top of the world! Full of hope and blue skies! Just like I was and of course the dark clouds come and go. We take the good with the bad. Hope for the best.

I worked in an assited living building for the elderly. I have seen true love last for years and years, even if I only got to witness it at the end of their lives. I've seen couples who once one dies the other was never the same, and some who died shortly afterwards. I've seen couples who fought and fought and fought, but never went to bed angry and even in those silly old folk arguments, you can feel the love between them. I even witnessed one woman who lost her husband to cancer, and a year later she was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal pancreatic cancer. Dr's said she had 3 weeks to live. What was the first thing she said to me the first time I saw her? With a huge smile on her face she said full of glee I get to go home and be with my husband again! I am so excited! She died 2 weeks later, never once wavering in her joy to be with him again.



True love exists, soulmates exist. And once you find yours, and not settle for anything less, you will have what your looking for.

Hi. I am not married yet, so I cant tell you what you have asked. However I can tell you what my mum has told me about her marriage. She was not happy in the beginning years of her marriage, I suppose everyone is 'shocked' to see the other side of their partner, that they are not as perfect as we think. There is always things that irritate you from his habits, and my mum said "You will get used to it until you feel numb".

I know what kind of family you have in mind, and I dream of that too. However there are things that we expect that are not realistic, I guess. I dont mean love is unrealistic. but just the way people express love most of the time is not what we expect.

Eventhough my dad irritates my mum a lot, but I know he does things to help her, and care for her when she is sick. I know it is not perfect but I guess it shows more than anyone who might not even care.

i would love a family. love, life, laughter and happiness with someone too share with. too bad, it didn't happens to me. i am a single mom with one child. that makes a family.

i think i have problem with my family.i love my dad, mom and sister so much that i think i would die if i lose them. However, except for my sister, i talk very little with my father and can't keep conversation with my mom more than 10 minutes on the phone.Now i live far away from my home and only come back to home 2 or 3 time a year. Recently, I have read a story and at the end, it asked me: How many springs can you meet your parents? it made me think a lot, maybe it's only 10 or fewer. So is there the number i can meet them. i was really scared. The most important i think i haven't done is i have never said " i love you" to my parents. Why am i not a kid? it would be more easier to say so.

You sound loving and selfless just hoping and praying for an answer to lifes unanswerable question. If you find the answer, please let me know.

As you can see, I'm pretty young to have an opinion on this, but your story got me thinking. I come from a broken family and I vowed that one day, I would have a stable, loving environment to go home to. I think it's silly to expect happiness 24/7. People are fickle, unexpected things happen, hard times come about, but in between those moments, there is (or there should be) love. There should be a bond that is strong enough to withstand those moments, and a willingness to compromise or step into another's shoes, and I think that is a very realistic thing to achieve. Every family will have their quarrels and their bad moments, but that doesn't mean that overall they are dysfunctional. One of my favorite quotes is, "Without darkness, we'd never see the stars." I remind myself of that every day.



Your writing is beautiful. Stay positive and work for what makes you happy.

I've been married for 43 years and have a son, age 26, and a daughter, age 21, who would be good in your cast for a family unit.

I just wanted to tell you that happy families do exist. And so do happy marriages. My parents have been together almost 40 years, and they were the most amazing parents in the world.



They went to hell and back with me when I was dealing with my BPD. But they were right there with me every step of the way. I can't imagine having better parents.



So...yes, good relationships do exist. And they can last.

i guess i was one of the lucky one's ...i had it all ..a loving husband ...two great kids ..

and a career ...fast foward ...into my new life ....my sweet husband is heaven ..my son is overseas ..and 13 yr old is killing me slowly ...we did have it all at one time ...but nothing good can last ..because without change we don't live ... we just stand still.....hugs and prayers

. . . and how do you know this family is not blended?? What say i bet they are. . . . .

I read this and had a very deep connection to what you are saying. My mother and father kicked me on the streets when I was 18. I had no money, no where to go, and no way to go back to college. I struggled and moved into my boyfriends family house. I know it sounds weird, but they invited me in. I have been watching the way they interact and it just amazes me. They joke around everyday, rarely have fights (and if it is it is with the 14 year old boy of the house). They do things together, they are just so connected. The whole family is! I have talked to them countless times about how they are so bonded and they just laugh and shrug. I believe there is hope out there. Besides, the situations that we have to live through are to help us learn. Don't grow up and be like those who hated or knew they did wrong. Learn from their mistakes and make a better life for you and your family. I know I am going to. I am completely in love with my boyfriend and I know he is about to propose. We have been through thick and thin and we have never left each other's side once. I had to sit with him in the hospital for 10 hours after someone had tried to kill him. We have lived in close quarters together for our whole relationship and still get along perfectly. We have our disagreements, but who doesn't. Just change your situation for the better <3

It can happen if you let go of the idea of perfection. You can't make things perfect every minute. People can ruin their happy lives by being too concerned with what's perfect as much as by ruining the happy with their flaws. It's all a balance. Love is always there, sometimes it's just harder to feel or to find.

Love is a crazy thing,but true love never gives up. There's been times i thought i would, but we have pulled thru it. There's been times i would like to ring her neck,and i no it gos both ways. Have you ever had a friend you got mad at for just a week,and then you forgave them and moved on being friends like nothing ever happen. Well the same thing happens when your in love. Love in a marriage means you have found your very best friend. Even in bad time she on one end of the house you on the other not talking to each other dose not mean the marriage is over. I love my wife and i would like to allways think it is for ever. I know couples who have been together for 30, 40, 50,years and you can still see them glow with love. Yes there is lovers out there that stay together tell death has parted them. I don't think i want my marriage to have been effortless, if there were sacrifices made they were worth it. Just like colormevibrant said hope and forgiveness gets us a long way. Yes love can be long term. God bless you.

I know that in our society, many people don't take marriage as seriously as they should. The second things get hard they give up and get out. But, I don't think that's how it should be. To have a good marriage and a good family takes a lot, a lot, a lot of work. And to make your marriage work you must be fully dedicated to making it work. I know quite a few people who have actually been married for 30+ years and are still married. However, I'm sure in the past they have went through many hard times with their marriage and their family. But, they worked through it, they leaned on each other, and they leaned on God and that is the only reason that they are still going strong today. So, the reality is that no family or marriage is perfect but people can successfully be married to each other until the day they die.

i really believe in family i still have both mother and father and i think its wounderful infact if i were in a close comunity i woould love to be responsible for alot of children because i love being around children teaching them right from wrong and also i have noticed with my own children you get more of a response if you jive more love than punishment and i just love learning from children i also love to encourage them every day by watching them and seeing things that they do every day i would tell them how smart they are how kind they are caring loving and creative and beautiful because its true and if its said enough they will believe this and this is what they will become ive seen it many times and of course i would love to have a father in their lives.

People always joke around saying stuff like, "Hahaha, don't get married! Stay single!" especially men. When I was a kid, I never understood that, because I thought marriage was the highest goal in a romantic relationship. It seemed so contradictory, and I never understood it.



The past few months I've really been thinking that I want to get married someday, have children, be a great husband and an even greater father. I can relate to your story, and I hope someday you're part of a happy family. :)

I too had a dream of a better family life. When he and I were both from a disfuntional family. With the after effects of that, it would be amazing if anything when right. Now that we are empty nesters, I found that love it not from people, (you may not like this part) it's from God because he is love. We even divorce for a short time and when we got back together had to find where the love comes from or it wouldn't have worked then either. But we did find it, not in a church, not from friendly advice, but from God, himself. I acturally learned how to talk to God, praying is mostly just a form that everyone follows, but talking to God and having Him show you where the answer is very personal. I found love for God and myself. Then I found I can include others and it wouldn't take away any of it.

Try it hopefully you'll find what I did.

I like the idea that the biggset gift to be gievn to my kids are my good realtion with their daddy ^__^

this is a delightfull video and so nice to see mom and dad with their children haveing fun.

There are alot of happy couples in the world today but it doesn't just happen, it's not like the luck of the draw. Both adults have to do their part and work at it and quite frankly it's the best gift one can give to their children also a good example for them to follow.

Hello,



I like you appraoch of seeking true love.



I believe that my whole life happiness and attachment strated afetr marriage, my husband is someone who can understand & care without i could even say. I am totally in love with him & I feel that i am lucky to be his & he is mine.



I think that if two people really decide to marry then they should strive to keep their relationship as the best cause this is the only heaven on earth

Thank you for all of the comments...



I know about loving friends. I have some incredibly beautiful souls in my life that I have loved for many years..I wouldn't trade anything for them. I was specifically looking for something that

Aquarius mentions. That there are tears along the way, but it doesn't always *end* in tears.



Just something to keep hope alive in myself for a better tomorrow. : )

It also caught me what you said about love. love between friends, isn't that a powerful thing? That kind of love is the kind that can last a life time. People always say the best thing is when you're in love with your best friend because it's a kind of love that becomes a part of you. It lives with you in a way that love when you meet someone and date before you're friends does.

My parents constantly yell. They're so loud I can hear them in my room when they're in the basement. My relationship with my younger sister has been pretty rocky for the past few years. However, I would not hesitate to say that my family is the happiest family I know.

After arguing, my parents never hesitate to say "I'm so sorry. I love you." "I'm sorry too, I love you so much." They've been together for 20 years and when I ask why they fight, they say it's because they care enough about what the other person thinks that they argue. They're both pretty hot-tempered, so it usually leads to raised voices.

My sister and I are 5 years apart, so it's hard empathize with her sometimes, but I'm always trying. And she knows that. She tries to meet me halfway. And doesn't that count for something?

My Grandfather and Grandmother had a happy life together. They operated a restaurant and a rockshop and lived life. They enjoyed each others company until they passed away.

Serious thoughts, concepts and possibilties.

I can say that I've learned alot about love for my mother and my siblings. Ive at least always loved my mother and my siblings. Thereve been times when it was hard for me to love them likewise at some periods of time but we always got through them somehow and it was most likely because of my mither who was always shiwing that she loved us and let us run relatively free and waiting until we needed guidaance in something. I think its the affection you show which teaches your children that its oj to show who you are likewise in glad and sad times, first then can you ride out the storm together.

Ya when I grew up I wanted to be just like Donna Reed reruns. Is it ever too late?

i will have to reread this post as it is so amazing. But consider this: if love can't last what is there to live after all? How about love for yourself? Love for the people in your life? And the living creatures around you? Those are enough reasons for me to live for, they have been good reasons to me when all else has been long gone and all hope lost. Hope my advice serves you.

I wanna hear that kind of story too. That even problems, situations and issues come, they still manage to resolve it, that love and good things above all is important.



I just learned when I watched tv this morning from a celebrity couple, that the formula for keeping the love alive is 3P. Prayer. Patience. Partnership.