Who Am I?I'm divorced with 4 grown up children and 7 beautiful grandchildren. They are my world and hardly a day goes by without me seeing at least some of them. Most would say it's a nie place to be and it is. The only (problem?) is that I need to start my 'part2', move on and find who I am now I'm no longer 'Rick the husband" or "Rick the father". It hit me a while ago while I was tidying out my youngest son's room. He was the last to move out of the family home and I decided to clear out his old room and use it as a home-office. I pulled out his old Playstation he'd left behind, the one me and my 3 sons had played games on together for years. I thought it would be fun to switch it on and have a quick game. We used to have our favorite racing game that we all used to play and try and beat each others high scores and fasted times.I held the controller in my hand and it wasn't untilit asked me for my name that it dawned on me. I had ALWAYS been "Dad" on the scoreboard but as I instinctively started to type it I realised I didn't need to anymore. I was just plain old Rick now. Then I realised I wasn't sure who I was anymore, I'd always seemed to be defined by my many roles.
That was a few years ago now and since I've finally started to figure out who I am. Just that letting go is holding me back now.
I met my now ex wife when we both 17 so my whole adult life has been as husband, father and provider. Don't get me wrong, I've moved on from my marriage and we are still good friends. It's letting go a little of my family I struggle with. Am I being selfish in wanting to pursue my own dreams? My own needs? I do feel that way most of the time but I know they don't NEED me . . . maybe it's just that I still need THEM?
deleted 26-30 5 Responses 5 Nov 19, 2011