When Family Lets A Person Down

There should be something to be said for a man working all of his life to provide a nice home and lifestyle for his children. When he has always been a good support system for his family members. Reliable and responsible. Trying to do the right thing to the best of his ability and with little regard for his own happiness. Sacrificing his own needs at his own expense for years.

Today I found out that the man I love who is going through a difficult divorce is going to be a grandfather. His pregnant daughter refuses to speak to him and some of his other family members are taking sides with his ex. refusing to recognize what he has been put through for the last years. The saying that blood is thicker than water is a farce. He is left out and has to weigh everything that he tells his family. What is wrong with some people?

Because I am a woman who has worked hard for all of my life, I find that when men get taken advantage of as being providers and taken for granted as cash cows, I get quite annoyed. Why should a person be of less value when they refuse to be taken advantage of by people that are old enough to make their own lives? What about all of the years that one has worked and been reliable? Does this mean nothing at all?

I think back on how I provided everything for my own two children Struggled to keep food on the table traveling to art shows and working myself like an army mule to keep them in nice clothes and a comfortable life style. Is it that easy to forget what a parent has done instead of what they can no longer do? Do we become a given instead of human beings who deserve some credit for the years of sacrifice at the cost of our own happiness?

My daughter does keep in touch with me and I am happy about this but my son seems to have his head up his behind lately. Does not return my calls and ignores me. All this does is makes me feel like all of my years of effort means very little. One of the reasons that I am finally making my own life.

I will always love my children as my love cares about his also. What we are now doing is keeping close the people that are showing support and love for us. It is so true that when life gets hard, one finds out who will stand buy us. Life doles out hard lessons at times. These lessons can do two things. Make us feel uncertain and fearful or make us more determined to make new lives and follow through being true to who we are in life. It can be a brutal awakening but also one that makes us stronger. We choose to remain strong and focused on our future.

Any adult child that blocks a caring parent from their life is doing a foolish act. Any sibling that refuses to acknowledge a brothers pain does a huge amount of hurt to a person that they should owe some consideration for as a sibling. I never was blessed with siblings but now I wonder if this was a blessing or a curse? Any sister of mine that would contact me just to pull information out of me  to go and blab it to an ex who has been so hateful is not worth calling family.

This story is my way of blowing off steam. I am hurt for my love and I am hurt for myself. Just talked to a good girlfriend whose daughter has cut her off from any contact with her and her grandchild. I know the pain this causes. Life is full of enough hard times and pain but when it comes from family, it cuts like a knife through one's heart. It is unnecessary and selfish and has life long repercussions.

Hopefully things will eventually turn around. Perhaps common sense will be realized in the end? Good friends sometimes come to mean more than family. We go through life thinking that things are a certain way and then, when we make decisions for our own happiness, we are reviled as wrong doers. Become people that are easy to cast off. Family become strangers and friends become family. Efforts mean nothing and years of doing the right thing are wiped out. Such are life lessons for some of us. Gaining wisdom is painful in times like these. Judgement is in God's hands. Hurt lives in our hearts. We go on and do the best that we can.

 

dartist dartist
56-60, F
5 Responses Feb 19, 2010

As now my daughter has joined my son in cutting me out of her life after my husband and I dropped everything and drove 2000 miles round trip to offer her support in her time of need, we are done with our mutual and adult children. We have been shown nothing but contempt and distain after trying to contact them in the past and are finished. Life is much more peaceful for us both without living with false hope. Nothing excuses their actions. When we needed support and understanding they shut us out in the cruelest ways possible so they can live with their actions. Even any approach from any of them will be viewed now with suspicion and not a genuine offer of love and respect. This is what they chose to sow and they will reap the consequences. We have made peace with their actions and no longer care. They have proven themselves strangers. We are at peace with who we are and our refused attempts for some reconciliation. Peace,D

My son's father was killed in a work related accident when my son was twelve years old. My daughter's father has abandoned her. We have no idea if he is living or where he is at this time. I had to be the primary parent out of necessity. Not my choice for my children but this is life for us. I wish it had been different for them. I know this has affected them greatly. I have tried my best to fill the void in their lives but I cannot make up for this loss.

diane, I "am touched" by YOUR desire "to see Genetic Families UNITED by love". That is a noble intention.<br />
Having said that, YOU "too" MUST realize There ARE "many components" INVOLVED in having SUCH Unity.<br />
ONE (Probably VERY IMPORTANT!! to your son) IS having NOT Just The Presence Of A MOTHER....but ALSO 'A Dad'. TOO MANY!!! females- it seems TO ME- are CHOOSING "to EXCLUDE the 'male' presence FROM The Family. Choosing "instead" TO RAISE THEIR CHILD/CHILDREN "As a Single Parent". THAT (Intentional OR Not) CREATES "GREAT" Resentment "In the Child/Children". (THEY "don't" UNDERSTAND "why" Daddy ISN'T there....ONLY that HE ISN'T.)<br />
Try "to SEE your son" Through THESE eyes....<br />
...and 'perhaps' YOU will "understand" HIM better ??

Thank you tasmin. Making changes in life brings out some realities that are unpleasant but we will get through this time and remain strong for each other. It is hard when someone that you love is hurt like this. Hopefully things will be resolved in time. I appreciate your words. They help. Peace,D

I am sorry you are going through all this dartist. I think you and your man must have both changed in order to break free and be planning a life together. Maybe family members dont like those changes.<br />
But they will just have to accept them and I feel sure all will be ok eventually as you both want happy family relationships.<br />
I do think that so often it is friends that you can truly be yourself with and not feel under any resentful obligation.