The Dark Night Of The Soul & My Mother

In some "new age" books,  it's believed that every soul goes through a "Dark Night of the Soul."  (Read Carolyn Myss) I went through my dark night of the soul about 9 or 10 years ago.  I was going through alot of pain the list is endless but to name a few:  a rape, a sexual assault, a molestation, my father's death, my divorce from my first husband, getting remarried, and having my new husband cheat on me, living in a sexless marriage.  At the end of this window of time that began with the seperation of myself and my first husband and ended with a sexless marriage.  I have done a lot of soul searching and I tried a number of things to feel better and get myself in a place of feeling alive again. 

When the Dark Night of the Sould begins it feels like you hit rock bottom and there is no lower you can feel.  Wrong, you sink deeper but if you survive this and in the process begin to release the pain, and forgive the people who have wronged you, it will feel like you have the key to the world.  You feel like nothing could shake you in your faith, there is nothing you could not handle because you've already been through the pits.  So I believe these experiences all taught me life lessons which I can now write about and share with others.  It made a stronger person and a much more compassionate person then I would have otherwise been. 

There is just one more person who I found hard to forgive and that was my mother who used to beat me and emotionally abuse me.  She once asked me for forgiveness but I said no because I wasn't in the place I am now.  Then she got into an accident and the chance passed me by.  I saw her recently and without thinking she had a brief moment of awareness and I at that time told her that I forgave her.  Now I said it in anger so I don't know how true that was but I love my mom, she is after all my mom.  I want to make it a mission to forgive her for real. 

That's my story but I want to add that the life lessons are the real treasures here, the depth of character we get and therefore help others because of the openess we now have for others in need.  It's a beautiful thing to see someone who can open up their hearts to someone who hurt them so bad.

Thanks for letting me share.

IntuitiveOne IntuitiveOne
41-45, F
1 Response Jul 19, 2010

Thanx for sharing..This story teach me a lot...