For a number of years I have been involved at a place where it seems that I get tested a large number of times with my ability to forgive people over and over. I get to hear excuses over and over about things instead of hearing an apology about things done to me and/or others, but that rarely happens. I get to hear about how things are more important for others to get what they want over the things that I desire. Then with some things that I do they get upset and angry with me and tell me how wrong I am and expect for me to apologize. I have spent hours and days working on things only to see the credit be given to others, and when I have said something, instead of hearing “I'm sorry”, I hear excuses. I have gone out into the larger community and have had to listen to complaints about people within the place, and even people within the place come to me with their complaints. Having to deal with the stuff that has gone on has gotten to my health, and I have gone to bed crying over the way that I get treated. But the funny thing is that they feel that I am one of the few people that they can rely on. Yes I should leave, and in fact had planned to several years ago but had been asked by those who knew that I was planning over leaving to stay, as they like the fact that I will apologize and/or ask for forgiveness with things when I have been clearly wrong.
It took me a while to be able to forgive those who just seem to want to use, abuse and hurt me by their actions of the past and now, but I know that in the end the only people that they are really hurting is themselves. I realize that they really need to deal with their own hurts from the past and hopefully one day will learn to not only forgive those that have hurt them in the past, but might one day ask for forgiveness from those that they hurt without giving excuses.
But most importantly I am learning how to forgive myself for the wrongs that I have done and am even laughing inside at those who treat me wrong for they are in reality only hurting themselves.