FORGIVING CAN BE HARD, BUT FORGETTING CAN BE IMPOSSIBLE. (PART 2)

My life had more or less hit rock bottom. But when you're at the bottom, you have only two choices, climb up or stay there. I realized that it took courage to climb up, but God had a hand in my climbing, he gave me a companion who cared enough to climb with me.

The very day I returned to school after my suspension, I was sitting at a corner table in the school cafeteria, away from everyone else in the cafeteria. I was bitter, sulking and didn't want anyone to bother me, not that anyone wanted to, or so I thought.

I sat there alone. staring at my lunch that I had no appetite for. Just then, this girl, food tray in hand came up to me and asked me if she could sit at my table. I thought to myself, why would anyone want to sit with me? There were a lot of other tables to sit at and there were a lot more people out there more pleasant to sit with. Yet, here was this very pretty girl, with long blond hair, green eyes and a big smile asking to sit with me. I eventually said; "it's a free country, go ahead."

Her name is Katie Matthews, and on that day began a relationship that would change both of our lives forever. Katie recalled, years later that when we met I was, in her words, "... a nasty little bi*ch who hated the whole world." Thinking back, I have to say that that described me to a tee. It took a week before I would even talk with her, by the end of that school year, we became good friends.

Neither one of us were looking forward to a long boring summer. Katie came up with a good excuse to get together during the summer. Katie's Church had a Youth group meeting every Wednesday night at 7:30 and Katie wanted me to join in the fun. Now, I'd never been what you would consider to be religious. but fun sounded great. Katie also said that I will meet other kids our age who would be nice to me. The idea of making new friends was quite appealing, I told her I'd come.

However, the first time I went to the youth group it nearly ended in disaster. My dad dropped me off at the Church, where Katie met me at the door. The first thing Katie did was to introduce me to the other's there, starting with "Pastor Marty," the Youth Minister. Then Katie began to introduce me to everyone else. But then, we walked toward a boy whose back was turned. When he turned around, I was horrified. My blood turned cold and that old hatred returned. It was PAUL. He tried to pretend that he didn't know me, but I knew him all too well.

"Don't you remember Me?..." I yelled out, "...Don't you remember what you did to me? I HATE YOU!" I then picked up a book and through it at him. I then ran into the Ladies' room, Katie chased after me.

"What happened in there?" Katie asked me?" "Why did you do that?"

"Remember the boy I told you about, the one who grabbed me..." I cried out, "...Paul was that boy, I never want to see him again!" Then crying, I ran out of the Church and I didn't stop running until I got home.

For three days, Katie tried to call me, but I refused to pick up the phone. On the fourth day, My dad picked up the phone, it was Pastor Marty. A half an hour later, Pastor Marty was at our front door, along with Katie. Katie and I were told to go into the den and close the door behind us while dad and Pastor Marty talked in the kitchen. Katie tried to talk to me, but I just told her to shut up, I wasn't in the mood for conversation.

After what seemed like forever, Dad and Pastor Marty came to the den to talk to me. "It seems that this boy wants to come clean with you Emma, .." Dad told me, "..perhaps you should give him the chance."

"Paul can go to hell,..." I replied angrily, "... It's not going to change a thing. Leave Me alone!" Once again I started to cry.

Pastor Marty then told Me how he came to know Paul. Paul pleaded guilty to a lesser charge of Simple Assault and Malicious Mischief. After the trial, Paul was sentenced to one year's probation and community service. He was also expelled from middle school and had to repeat the 7th grade. For his Community Service Paul had to work at the Church, as a part time groundskeeper and janitor. While there, Pastor Marty took Paul under his wing, so to speak and counselled him. His life started to come around. Paul even accepted Christ and was Baptized.

"Emma, Paul never expected to see you ever again...." Said Pastor Marty, "... but now that he has, he wants to set things straight. I can well imagine just how hard this must be for you. But, perhaps, If you two talk things out, you two can put this all behind you and you both can go on with the rest of your lives."

"Emma please,..." My dad said, "...Your mom and I have watched you suffer long enough. It's time for you to move on. One minute of your time lost to hatred is a minute lost forever. It's time to put the past in the past and move on."

"OK dad..."I said, "...I'll talk with him. But don't leave me alone in that room with him."

"Your Mom and I will be with you all the time..." Said dad, "You can count on that. Believe me, you wont be the only one on that room mad at him."

To be continued.

EmmaSylvester EmmaSylvester
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 22, 2014

EmmaS, I am so sorry this happened to you. How are you doing now?
The scars & all it's ugly memories will remain with you forever unfortunately. But you have a choice. Do you let it consume your entire being or do you try & work thru it and move on? Kids can be very cruel. Bullying is on the rise & #1 reason for teenage suicide. I wish I had a simple answer. Something needs to be done to protect our children and young adults.
Forgetting the past is somewhat impossible. It takes a special kind of person to forgive. And I see that in you. Never forget that. You are special and you matter. I hope the therapy has helped. I wish and hope that you are surrounded by loving and caring people in your life. Stay strong. My thoughts are with you.

My life is good! It's been nearly 12 years since that event took place. Paul is now a Youth Pastor in up state New York and Katie and I are more than best friends. Read some of my other stories and see why.