Why Bother..?

I tried.

I really tried.

Did everything I could.

Answered phone calls anytime... Went over to comfort them whenever I could... Sat with them when none of our other friends would... Tried to understand... Listened to every DAMN *****, moan and teary rant...

And what did I get in return?

A chance to voice my opinion about Their topic of choice... Told I didn't listen correctly (really there's a right way to listen?)... Dinghyed for the next best friend... Left in the dark... Made out to be the bad guy when I'm clearly not... Lied to right to my face... Never listened to... Undervalued, underappreciated and forgotten about...

Every friend I've had has treated me this way so now I ask...

Is friendship even worth it anymore? To complicate my life futher with it? Put all my trust in this person to have it thrown back in my face? Allow someone to make me cry more that they make me laugh? Never sure if I can reveal the real me to them without the loss of friendship? Never getting the chance to reveal me at all?

I want... I want a "real" friend.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'll never have a friend, never mind a best friend.

To be honest, I don't know why I bother anymore.

I give up.
TurningBackTime11 TurningBackTime11
18-21, F
3 Responses Jul 18, 2010

dont give up. i know how you feel. its hard to make a friendship work sometimes. but you will find that one friend who cares for you.

All these people seemed to care in the beginning but in the end they obviously didn't (anymore)... I don't think I've ever given up on that niave notion of finding "a best friend" though I have to say these experience have deeply affected me and I'm not sure I could ever trust anyone that far ever again. Thanks for the encouragement and maybe one day I will find a friend :)

welcome, if you need to talk im here

Thanks, you too...

@somnium - So you're saying that the reason why all these friendships "failed" in my eyes is because of them and me?<br />
<br />
And you're right, I have caused my fair share of drama and problems like they have. I apoligized for any hurt I caused plus I tried to fix things as much as I could possibly do. And most of the time the reason we have broken apart is because by the end I'm just done trying when they're obviously not. However I can honestly say that I put everything I had into each and every friendship I went into. I felt that they didn't do the same through evidence of their actions or no actions in most cases.

You know there is always a friend for everyone. Salut to you!