Taking A Different Approach

The question that has been tearing me up inside for the past couple of weeks is, what makes me tick? I presume that in the past I have focused so much on the negatives that I left no room to make effective changes to what matters most.

Perhaps I have come to the realization that what has happened, has happened, no more or no less. Simply put, it is what it is. It is such a great feeling, knowing that I have control of my own destiny and somehow I lost that way of thinking somewhere along the way.
I rely so much on other people to make me happy, how did I let myself get to be such a pushover? By allowing myself to bend over backwards for others, it essentially strips me of a personality.

On another note, you could say I had a pretty good weekend, I ended up going out on Saturday for another Soldier’s birthday. While my intentions were to only have one or two beers, I ended up having too many too count. Something good came out of me actually getting out and socializing though, I started talking to my ex who I dated about 8 months ago. The funny part about the break up is that I broke up with him due to my out of control drinking. I felt that I was losing control over my life and I didn’t want to take someone else down with me.

He is the most considerate guy I have met in quite some time. While he is younger than me, the feeling of being wanted and needed for who I am, not just the physical aspect, feels quite amazing. So I suppose this time around I just need to relax, focus on not drinking so much and see where things go. I need to wake up in the morning telling myself that I am truly beautiful inside and out, and there’s no reason that I can’t be loved by someone.

wadddadang wadddadang
26-30, F
1 Response Feb 6, 2012

May i ask why you drink so much? is there memories or feelings that you don't want to remember or feel?

If you read that post it pretty much sums up all of the reasons that I drink. I am currently trying to resolve these underlying issues and in time, perhaps, I can manage to be social without alcohol. In the mean time the only thing I can do is talk about my issues in the open and accept who I am without always pointing out my faults. If you have any advice, it is more than welcome.