Taking A Different ApproachThe question that has been tearing me up inside for the past couple of weeks is, what makes me tick? I presume that in the past I have focused so much on the negatives that I left no room to make effective changes to what matters most.
Perhaps I have come to the realization that what has happened, has happened, no more or no less. Simply put, it is what it is. It is such a great feeling, knowing that I have control of my own destiny and somehow I lost that way of thinking somewhere along the way.
I rely so much on other people to make me happy, how did I let myself get to be such a pushover? By allowing myself to bend over backwards for others, it essentially strips me of a personality.
On another note, you could say I had a pretty good weekend, I ended up going out on Saturday for another Soldier’s birthday. While my intentions were to only have one or two beers, I ended up having too many too count. Something good came out of me actually getting out and socializing though, I started talking to my ex who I dated about 8 months ago. The funny part about the break up is that I broke up with him due to my out of control drinking. I felt that I was losing control over my life and I didn’t want to take someone else down with me.
He is the most considerate guy I have met in quite some time. While he is younger than me, the feeling of being wanted and needed for who I am, not just the physical aspect, feels quite amazing. So I suppose this time around I just need to relax, focus on not drinking so much and see where things go. I need to wake up in the morning telling myself that I am truly beautiful inside and out, and there’s no reason that I can’t be loved by someone.