I believe if there's any kind of God it wouldn't be in any of us, not you or me but just this little space in between. If there's any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt-CELINE
The above lines are from my favorite movie- before sunset.
This line has given me a lot of food for thought.
Being close to someone, to be able to express opinions without worrying about dispute, or even enjoying dispute for that matter, lowering all the walls that you built around you to protect yourself from the vulnerabilities..is according to me the toughest thing to do. It's attractive and easy at first but after the initial adrenaline wears off, you realize how vulnerable you have become and slowly insecurities start to creep in..this is the basic problem we all face in any kind of relationship. But then , after you've been burnt one time too many.. you refrain from human contact, you try not to put yourself in that position once again.. and basically dwell in the past and judge people based on your pre conceived notions and sometimes become jealous of others' happiness.
"The answer must lie in the attempt"- how many times should one attempt before completely losing hope? There's no number.. but sometimes even a single experience can be so excruciating, that it breaks one down completely. we all are humans and allowed to make mistakes. I have always been a hard learner. I seldom can learn from other people's mistakes. But that fear has manifested now as a berlin wall which refuses to break down.
I have become cautious.. and irresponsible as far as friendships are concerned.. i wasn't like this at all.. what it has led to is other people paying for someone else's fault. I desire the love of someone who probably doesn't even think about me, or even if he does he refuses to act upon it and I am simply waiting for his guts to swell up.. and for his irresistible desire to be with me to creep up.. it's exhausting!