What Would You Do With This Out Of Control Cop Mom?Alright. My mom is a cop, of course. Unfortunately, though I find some cops rather reasonable who do not use the uniform to up their status and be jerks, my mom is kinda that typical cop person... and though she's not like that so much at work, she takes this out on her child. She's always bringing work home, and she's slightly paranoid, calling the house whenever she hears something over the radio while doing job checks around town that sounds like it could be her dog or one of the kids at the house in trouble, hurt, etc. Yes. She uses and abuses her influence in order to have cops come to the house constantly in order to remedy what I believe should be dealt with at home - like his friends outside smoking cigarettes, his friend coming over when she asked him not to, and reporting my brother as a runaway, citing her reasons as 'these delinquents were smoking outside my home that's illegal,' 'his friend was trespassing because I asked him not to come over, illegal' and now, since her son has been gone for the past day and a half (I probably would be too if she called the cops on me for everything....), she has reported him as a runaway. 3 times the law was involved in our family this past week. 3 times.... there's something wrong here.
Now. This isn't to say that my younger brother's behavior and the way he and his friends feel about and act towards my mom is not bad, either. What I'm saying, is that she is dealing with these things in the worst way possible - scarring her son forevermore and completely tearing the walls down for any chance for a meaningful relationship with him. This is not how family should be, as they are constantly at war with one another...
He could be considered out of control... but she's way out of hand with her behavior too. She's the parent; she should have the peaceful and honest open relationships going in the household and yet, she does not. She does many, many things to work against that. She's just... outta touch. Because she is constantly creating this drama with the next situation where there is 'nothing else' she can do, according to her. Now. I've told her. This is something that can change. This is something that she can remedy. But no. Her constant I'm-the-victim-and-can't-do-anything-else-there-is-no-way outlook alternating with her I'm-gonna-get-my-way-even-if-it-means-stomping-all-over-others is really, really complicating every single family situation. She, as a matter of fact, immaturely deals with my brother by teasing, arguing (like kids argue......) and randomly trying to spoil and baby him and then turning on him and staining his young life by causing him all this pain in dealing with the law, over minimal things. It's really sad, because he confides in me, even though he can be a little bit of a jerk. If I was his mom, he'd know better because we weren't irresponsible, secretly weak control freaks that abused our kids' delicate egos in order to feel better about ourselves, which is something my mother did my entire young life. I'm a little upset about that, yeah. But I've mostly let it go, recognizing that she must feel pretty weak to have to do that to other people. Moving on...
What do you think about this? I've tried telling her a few things, like, 'I would not choose to deal with it that way first,' or, 'it's a choice to feel like there is nothing else you can do about it; there are many other ways to deal with this,' or, 'you don't think it's likely that you are driving your son away by your actions? And that is why he is away from the house right now?'
Now, she's tried to fight with me a little, so I stopped it earlier and said, 'I have no comment.'
So, she's pretty much a destroyer of sorts. She lives a really messed up life. And there's just no way to get close to this woman without having conflict with her, even if you're a reasonably intelligent or put together person that wouldn't think of having a relationship like that with someone. It's just freakin sad.
She doesn't take out the cop stuff on her youngest adopted child, but she is constantly abusive verbally towards him (but not physically, because marks would show. However, that doesn't stop the kid from freaking out and backing up out of his chair if you walk too fast towards him.) I wake up to her yelling at him. They come home and she's yelling at him again.
For now, I've got a good enough plan - avoid, speak lightly, do what I need to do, don't really get close to her. This is a bit of a dark time in my life. Because I have no where else to go for a little while as my baby, my husband and I get on our feet and he gets in school. I know that might sound terrible and not reflect well on me, but situations lead to situations, and I'm hoping to learn the most and enable myself better in the near future so that we can properly get on our feet as a family. I'm not trashy. And I'm not unitelligent. I just want to be capable and strong in this world. I have to start somewhere. And I have to stay here, or at a shelter. Either one really couldn't be better or worse right now. It breaks my heart a little, but it's true as true can be.