Shaved Bigfoot?

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Darien, KY-- I've seen people wear rugs on their head to hide that bald spot, I've seen people shave their heads to cover up going bald, women suck fat places and put it others, some people have lips that a suckerfish would be jealous of. So why wouldn't the big fellow follow suit.

While investigating sighting of Bigfoot in Kentucky our crew saw something that left us shaking our heads. As in any usual case, we rented our rooms at the local motel and set up our over-night cameras in the surrounding woods. We usually do very little the first night of an investigation. Instead, we leave our cameras to do the heavy lifting so we can get some idea to the movements of the area. Every wooded area has different animals to look for, different hunting trails and locals that have very sensitive and particular spots they use to hide and hunt. So we just let everything sink in as to know when something is out of place.

Well, on this first night it is also a tradition for us to hit the local pubs. No....not just to get lit on the Bloid's coin, we actually dig for local stories. Many times people are hesitant to talk to an outsider thinking we might be there to poke fun. But, put a few shots in someone and they open up pretty quick.

As the night progressed we heard locals talking about how Bigfoot roam around the woods at all hours, steal food from dumpsters and are a general bother to the town. To be honest, the townspeople seemed to think every town has their Bigfoot problems and are just annoyed by the company.

That is when the story took an odd twist. A group of men stumbled in, laughing smiling, they looked like they had already spent most of the night in a bottle. All bald and wearing unkempt, uncoordinated clothing. I commented about the mens particularly high spirits. Thats when a local said, "Those guys are trash. They sit outside all day long eating fermented apples until they get buzzed enough to come in here. They never talk to us. Just hang out pointing and grunting. Hell, I don't even know if this inbreds know how to speak. They don't work."

Now as a Bloid reporter, I know this is where the story is, rednecks that spend most of their day in the woods. They had to know something. I took up my notepad and went to get the scoop. As I approached I noticed a slopped forehead on the first guy, I thought the local hit the nail on the head, inbreeding definately took its toll on this family. Getting closer I noticed all of them had this forehead, A few had noticeable hair behind their ears and spotty patches of hair on thier arms. One, wearing a dress even had hair sticking out the back of the dress. I moved closer. And closer and closer. One smiled at me. Giant canines shone brightly. I jumped back hitting the floor. The group all grunted and ran from the building.

The locals all stood up and saluted, taking a drink in unison and laughing. I looked around wondering what just happened. The townie I was talking to walked up, "See there, it was right under your nose. Damn, city folk, don't even know when their being screwed with. How many humans do you know sit around eating fermented apples? Ya, dip. Those there guys were the bigfoot youngin's. They shave and try to come in here and get served. Everybody knows that."

We left the bar and the town that night.
ricknaub ricknaub
1 Response May 15, 2012

You belive in Sasquatch too?