Going With The Flow...So, it's close to midnight and I'm following the urging to come downstairs and get the rice chex with blueberries and milk, after thinking about them for the last half hour.
Sitting here contemplating the day...a friend/co-worker is very ill indeed and it took every effort to sit in patience as we went through a work routine that should have taken a minute to produce and took the afternoon, moments of asking, "what do you want to do? Why are you on this section of the program? You want to be..." and I had to keep repeating it. He could not remember. He could not think. Yet he was trying his hardest to maintain his dignity. He wouldn't let me drive him home, so after he left the office I called to alert his wife that he was on his way. I didn't hear otherwise, so I guess he got home okay. Not a lengthy drive, about 2 miles, but still...
And then there was my son. My son, my son. He was so grumpy. It seems like if life isn't going perfectly his way, he's grumpy. I worry about him, worry that his grumpiness will have an effect on his s.o., his little daughter, who is so full of life and bubbles. And I wonder if I haven't done enough. Yet, I cannot succomb to his desires for me or I will lose identity and there will be not even a reflection as I pass by the mirror.
I thought of the house I left so many years ago. Memories haunt me. The striving to be happy, only to see it fall and crumble. And my son is cleaning up the mess that I left and his father abandons. And I cannot help, I am not wanted, they choose times when it is impossible for me to help them.
And my baby granddaughter, she is oh so grand! I wanted to keep her with me today, but they both looked so tired, so grumpy. She was in a beautiful little white eyelet dress, they were going to get their picture taken and the photographer didn't keep their appointment. I offered to at least take one outdoors, and that little girl would not stop, she ran and ran all over the field like a maniac woman, shrieking and chasing the cats, the dog, and taking off over wide open spaces in her little bare feet!
All these thoughts are keeping me up tonight.
And until tomorrow, I finished my cereal and will try to sleep again.
Thanks for reading...
deleted 26-30 1 Jun 25, 2012