My Perspective On Equality

Many people claim that they are all for equality.  Unfortunately, that generally means that all is fine, as long as they end up on top and get what they want.  I believe in true equality across the board, not selective equality.

In a relationship, I expect no more of a partner than I am willing to do myself.  I actually enjoy cooking, doing dishes, laundry and even cleaning bathrooms with a partner.  I also like working on outdoor projects together.  When I say equal, I’m not saying that I keep a scorecard and everything must be identical.  I remember digging a trench with my son, when he was younger.  There was no way that he could hold the jackhammer upright, but he did a great job of clearing the rock that I broke up.  We also had quality time together, discussing the variety of subjects that interest him.  I prefer planning and doing projects with a loved one, rather than each having separate chores, limiting the interaction.

Even when it comes to intimacy, I prefer equality.  Women know how special it feels to know one is desired.  Men would get just as much positive from that feeling.  I believe that it is great for both people to feel comfortable freely expressing their desires and responses. I don’t believe in either taking charge, so aggression from either side isn’t what I am seeking.  A team effort has a more positive effect on a relationship.  I do appreciate an assertive partner who is clear with her desires and is an active initiator and participant.

When it comes to finances, I could care less who makes more money, but I’m not into one person giving and the other taking all the time.  If one of the partners is limited in regard to earning money, for whatever reason (layoff, infant children, changes in the economy, etc.) that person still needs to consider the financial stability of the relationship.  Everyone needs to be conscientious when it comes to purchasing wisely and making the most of what is available rather than what that person feels he or she deserves.  I can’t relate to people who choose to live beyond their means.  I’m not a materialistic person, but understand that things can be done much more effectively and efficiently with the proper tools.  I don’t need to have the biggest or the newest or the name brands.  I’ll pay more for quality (not names), if it allows me to get more use for the money spent.

I do not believe that certain people are more deserving than others.  Who are we to deny marriage to certain classes of people?  People claim that they are all for freedom of religion, yet attempt to block the building of mosques, condemning the masses for the fanatical beliefs of the few.  If we don’t support the moderates, aren’t we just giving fuel to fire up the fanaticals, bringing in more recruits to their numbers?

The more comfortable we are with ourselves, the more comfortable we will be with the differences in others.  Self-confident people don’t push their beliefs on others or negatively judge differences in others.  They actually appreciate the differences, as it broadens their perspective and allows them to grow.  When people are pushing themselves on you or critical of others, they are just drawing attention to the big neon sign they wear around their neck that says: “Caution!!! Keep your distance!!! I’m insecure, have low self-esteem and am easily over-reactive.”

Everyone has something of quality to bring to any situation.  I choose to keep my eyes open to see what they have to add to the moment, not focus on obstacles.  Sure, there are people that I don’t choose to associate with, but it isn’t my place to judge them and tell them to change.  They are living the life they choose, and I need to respect that as much as I’d want them to respect the choices I make.  The conflict comes in when we add, “as long as no one is harmed” to these statements.  What one may see as harmful, another may not.  I will do my best to keep people from harm, but what if they choose to do self-destructive behaviors?  We can’t save everyone, so I choose to just be a good role model and be open to sharing my acquired knowledge with anyone who is interested in expanding his or her knowledge.

Equality itself can be seen as a judgmental concept, for what is equal in one person’s eyes may not be in another’s.  That is where compatibility comes in.  I choose to associate with those who share in my perspective of equality.  I’m not saying that my perspective is better than anyone else’s; I’m just saying that this is what works for me, and, like many, I find comfort in sharing similarities with others.
caring1 caring1
56-60, M
25 Responses Aug 13, 2010

Nahdi, thank you for your compliment. I assume that your comment about true love is ba<x>sed on projected fantasies rather than true beliefs. Though people may connect in a few areas, the entire package needs to be compatible for a long-term healthy relationship to thrive. Actually, I turned 62 this year, but chronological age has never been an issue for me. Though I haven't been on this site for quite some time, and my writings aren't current, anyone who wants to get to know me better can read my blog and my other articles, or the responses I gave to other people's articles. The more we know about a person, the better we can determine if compatibility exists. I am always open to interacting with people who feel we connect on some level. Anyone is welcome to send me a private message, and all respectful messages that show thought and depth will get a response from me.<br />
Nahdi, I hope you discover the love you seek.

Your peice on Euality is one of hte best I've run across. You are how old, I sound like the woman you describe in your ideal of a woman.Can it be true love. I'm 67, teehee

It is very hard to see people as they are, when our own insecurities cloud our vision. When people feel insecure, instinctually, they defend themselves before taking time to truly hear the other person.<br />
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I have a couple of suggestions. First off, before you say or do anything, ask yourself 2 questions.<br />
1) Will what I am going to say or do take me in the direction that will help me to achieve my long-term ob<x>jective?<br />
2) Would I truly be appreciative of (not just tolerant of) being on the receiving end of what I am going to say or do?<br />
If you can’t answer yes, honestly, to both questions, come up with another alternative.<br />
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Next, realize that we don’t make decisions that don’t make sense to us, so if you hear something from someone else that doesn’t make sense to you, reach out to seek clarification, rather than be quick to judge or push your opinions on the other person. Let the other person know that you’d like to understand that person’s perspective. Once you understand where he/she is coming from, it will be easier to accept what is being said, even if you don’t choose to adopt it to your own belief. The more secure a person is with his/her own belief, the more comfortable that person will be with others who have different beliefs. We don’t feel threatened by differences when we feel secure with ourselves. We start seeing differences as opportunities to expand our perspective, rather than any type of a threat.<br />
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Best wishes on your journey.

Thanks a lot for this story.<br />
I agree completely and I strive to become like this every day. It's very difficult as I have many obstacles and insecurities of my own to overcome before I can truly appreciate people for who they are but I'm getting there. Even if it's a lifetime goal, it's an extremely important one to me. <br />
I'm very opinionated and brash at times and have to stop myself from assuming; so listening--truly listening--will be my first step to living out this philosophy. The only things I will let myself assume now is that people have interesting things to say and that they are essentially good at heart. I'm no pushover though and I know I don't have to deal with people I don't like, at least for moral reasons.

Thank you. True love is beautiful. Relationships would be so much happier and more fulfilling if people focused on being partners rather than just seeking to get their needs met. If we ask ourselves, "what can I do to help move us in a positive direction" rather than focus on what the other person is supposed to do, we would find stability and growth in relationships rather than the deterioration we see all around us.

Thank you for your supportive comments. I appreciate what you have written. You are right that no one is perfect, but a person can be perfect for you, if you are realistic in your expectations. Too often, people expect others to mold to them rather than seeing a relationship that blends two whole individuals, where everyone gains and no one loses. We have to define what a fault is. If you like blonds and your potential partner is a brunette, would that be a fault? When we are open to expanding beyond that which is familiar to us, we are capable of finding beauty in many places. As long as compatibility exists, the rest is just the icing on the cake.<br />
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You say that whoever gets me as a partner is quite fortunate. I’m not saying that I would be a great catch for all women, but I do believe that I have the ability to nurture a healthy relationship with a quality, compatible partner. Actually, I do believe that I have found this woman, or should I say that she found me. What we have is beautiful. Each of us is very eager to understand and fully address the perspective of the other. We work well as a team. By addressing potential issues, in advance, nothing develops into problems. I believe that we are both quite fortunate and happy.

It was very refreshing and comforting to read your story. You seem very fair-minded; I dare say that whoever gets you for a partner is quite fortunate. I don't think anyone is perfect or without faults, but I ba<x>se this comment on what you have shared here. Count me as a fan! ;-)

Thank you.


You're welcome.<br />
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Helping cultures change in the area of equality can be challenging. People rely on the structure to hold everything together. When the USSR dissolved overnight, it was a shock to the people, and they are still working on stabilizing the new equilibrium.<br />
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I'm not sure that accepting all local laws, rules or regulations is a good thing. Sometimes they need to change in order to move towards equality. Blacks and women didn't always have the right to vote, according to old laws. Sometimes we need to change laws that keep certain parts of the population down and labeled as less deserving.<br />
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I understand that even the people who are discriminated against often prefer to hold onto present guidelines, as it allows them to be able to predict what their lives will be like. The unknown can be frightening, but all growth takes us into the unknown. We can remain with the familiar or take chances at something better. Women can stay with a familiar abusive husband, or they can face their fears and move on to something that may be much better. There are no guarantees in life, but passively staying in our places won't lead to improved societies and happier and more content people.

Thank you for sharing. Coming from Asia with diverse background, culture and religion, we do have 'slight' issue on equality between genders especially in the social, economic, education, work and domestic area. It has becoming more interesting when the west meets the east values equals to create a confusing landscape of society and new generation culture. This can be a thesis topic by itself lol..<br />
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As far as I am concern I am taking equality on a moderate scale, it has to be seen flexible and adaptable for the current needs, development, environment and circumstances. As long as it does not cross any local law rules or regulations is fine by me.

You're welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed my perspective. I wish we could have peace in our lives. People are more similar than different. The differences aren't a threat to us. I only wish that people were open to education so that we could see opportunities rather than threats. Openness and education are the keys, from my perspective.

I Iike your perspective on life .Your healthy,positive approach is something we need to have a peace in our lives.I agree with every word you wrote......Thank you for sharing.

A dance is the most beautiful way to describe this ideal partnership. It flows so smoothly, that no one can tell who is giving or receiving at any particular moment, and no one cares to dissect it to find out. Thank you for your analogy. I couldn't have described it better.

Feel free to discuss the discrepancies. I also love the differences. As I stated, equality isn’t something that is to be balanced on a scale. Everyone has his or her own special talents, and that uniqueness adds to a relationship. I would never get involved with a woman and then expect her to have a penis the same size as mine. That makes no sense. People downplay equality for this reason, saying that you can’t have total equality. This is not what it is all about. Equality is about walking side by side, not with one in front or above.<br />
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Actually, I did hear an interesting story about one walking in front of the other. During the Taliban regime, women were made to walk behind their husbands. Observers questioned the reason that women continued to walk behind their husbands, after they no longer were required to do so. The answer from these women was simple: “landmines.”<br />
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People have difficulty grasping the concept of equality. It is about both people giving their best effort, both people investing, both people eager to hear and understand their partner’s open and honest thoughts and feelings. It is about realizing that our greatest pleasure is sharing in our partner’s pleasure. It is about both people being vulnerable, initiating and showing their partner that he or she is desired, appreciated and loved. The ideal relationship is between two givers, not between a giver and a taker or two takers.<br />
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You know the experience of feeling special and desired by a partner. Your partner would enjoy that feeling just as much. Wouldn’t you want your partner to experience all the wonderful feelings that you feel?<br />
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Girls are taught that men don’t like aggressive women. In general, that is true, but that doesn’t mean that men don’t appreciate assertive women. Be clear, and don’t assume that guys already know what you like. Don’t make them guess. We could all gain from caring, patient and loving teachers. Don’t deny your own feelings and desires, but think about the impact on the other before choosing how to express them. Mutual respect goes a long way.<br />
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True equality won’t cause us to lose anything. It actually adds a new dimension to our experiences. We feel totally safe so don’t fear rocking the boat if we say or do the wrong thing. Yes, celebrate the differences, but everyone is different. That doesn’t mean that one is better than another. We can appreciate the differences and still be equal. I’m not talking about only involving yourself with laboratory grown clones of you. Equality is about our approach, our respect for each other, our desire to invest in all areas we would like our partner to invest, being active, equal participants in creating something very special together. It is the ideal partnership and teamwork.<br />
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I agree that there are more productive causes we can invest our time and energy in than in denying any particular group of people the rights that other groups are free to enjoy. Who are we to judge what is right or wrong for a person? Do you have the right and obligation to tell a left-handed person that he or she is wrong, because you are right-handed? We don’t have the right to mold people into our ideal image, no matter how much it works for us. If we don’t respect them, how can we expect them to respect us? People who are secure in their beliefs don’t feel threatened by differences in others; so don’t need to push their beliefs onto others. The stronger a person comes across, the weaker they feel on the inside. They hide behind their suit of armor, but looking at the strength of the suit only leads them to feel more insecure. The armor doesn’t give them true strength.<br />
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As far as my philosophy goes, I feel that all people, animals, plants and inanimate ob<x>jects deserve respect. If we don’t respect our earth, everything else will die. A good basic philosophy is presented in the Tao Te Ching. It is older than the bible, more basic, is based on mutual respect rather than fear and punishment and no religion could find anything in it that would go against what that religion claims to believe. It is only 81 verses long. The clearest English translation that I have been able to locate is “Tao Te Ching – The Definitive Edition” by Lao Tzu, translation and commentary by Jonathan Star.<br />
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We never know things for sure. Life is all about growing. When you say you’re all grown up, then you no longer have anything to live for. It isn’t that you discover that you were wrong, but open your eyes to a larger perspective. The more encompassing the perspective, the clearer our options become, and the more comfortable we become with our choices.

I like what you wrote and agree with most of it. I need to think more about some of your comments. I've been thinking about equality between the sexes lately. Although overall the result has been positive, I also wonder if we are losing something when we don't celebrate the differences between men and women. Like throwing the baby out with the bathwater as my grandma always says. Vive la difference.I think it's ironic that so many people spend so much time and energy speaking out about the "evils" of homosexuality. Even if people think it is "wrong", why don't they pick a cause that actually could benefit innocent victims? Child abuse, rain forrest destruction, whatever. A little too much protest as Will used to say.It seems as though you have a pretty clearly defined philosophy. I hope to get there one of these days. It seems like just about the time I think I know something for sure, turns out I was wrong about it.BTW, I lived in Japan when I was younger and the drums are cool. :)

Teamwork can be beautiful. It allows us time to connect while we see progress in our project. I enjoy the team effort when I work at Habitat For Humanity. Even when I am supervising individuals who have had no construction experience, we see progress and share a bit of each other along the way. Sharing teamwork with a partner is very helpful at bringing people closer together, as long as we appreciate the effort without expecting a performance above his or her ability. My ideal would be to grow fruits and vegetables with a partner, harvest them together, prepare a meal of them together and savor the results together.<br />
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We can all learn from others. Music is a good example. I'm not saying that everyone will appreciate all types of music, but what is the harm in listening to something you never heard of. <br />
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One day, I was looking at what the concert in the park would be. I read that the group was called Kishin Daiko (, and they played Taiko drums. I had never heard of Taiko before, but asked my son if he wanted to go to the concert, and he said "sure." We were both blown away. If you've never experienced Taiko drumming, check it out. It is amazing. You can look online for Kodo, which is a very popular group from Japan, and see some of their videos.

I really like your thought about sharing projects with a loved one. Time spent together, working toward a common goal (even small goals, like a clean garage, or a delicious meal), is never wasted. Like you, I have found that trying to appreciate differences has allowed me to grow, and to expand my capacity for enjoying life. Take music, for example. If people are listening to and enjoying some genre of music that I am less familiar with, I want to discover why. Often, I find something to like, something that stays with me, and I am able to appreciate life on a wider frequency.

Thank you. We are all in this together. It makes no sense to not work together. By isolating certain individuals or groups, we only create distrust and fear, which escalates conflict.

This is beautiful. I loved your answer to my question and I think you have an extremely healthy perspective on life and working together as humans all experiencing this life together.

Thank you for the positive comments.<br />
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I actually strive to see something I can appreciate when encountering differences, rather than just tolerating them. There is positive available in most every situation. It is our choice what we will focus on. Our focus determines the direction we take. I'd love to see a smile on everyone's face.

Couldn't have said it better myself.<br />
In the past I have been accused of being a "women's liberationist", but in fact, I am a people's liberationist. We must all be set free from society's norms and live with what we feel is right for us.<br />
One of my main precepts in life is to never be intentionally cruel. It is also important to take complete responsibility for your own actions. Of course, tolerance also plays a role in life with equality.<br />
When it all boils down to it, we have to live our lives for ourselves.

Very nice perspective of equality , WTG!!!

Unfortunately, people tend to feel threatened by differences, fearful that they will be judged negatively or limited from doing what they want to do. The more insecure a person is, the more they tend to stick with others who are just like them, making differences in others that much more unknown and frightening. There is no reason for anyone to feel superior to anyone else. Who wants to associate with people we see as inferior to us? We can only grow when we see multiple options. My choosing to live on a farm in the country is not a threat to people who choose to live in the city. Same sex couples are not a threat to opposite sex couples. Someone else's differing beliefs will never erase your beliefs against your will.<br />
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I don't choose to get involved with politics, as I find that most politicians get into the field to push their agenda on others. They don't promote all inclusiveness and respect for all. I don't need to waste my time arguing with closed-minded people, though I have no problem discussing anything with open-minded people.<br />
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My son is going to school in Florida and loves learning all the different perspectives from the students that come from all over the globe. It gives him a clearer understanding of his own country, seeing both its assets and liabilities.

I wish you were running for public office in my neck of the woods. You, my friend, would certainly have my vote.<br />
Equality for all...without exception. It should be (but unfortunately is not) the American way of life.