Double Standards

Much of the inequality I feel is down to the way I am perceived and viewed by others, and the expectations by society to live and act to a certain standard, which differs from that of a man.

Think about this. If a young man keeps a very untidy and messy apartment, he is not judged, in fact his friends and family will laugh and joke about his 'bachelor pad', but if it is a young woman keeping a very messy apartment, her friends and family will assume she is lazy and unclean, and most likely discuss her untidiness behind her back.

If a single dad takes his son to school in an un-ironed uniform, everyone thinks wow, he's doing really well to be doing it on his own, but if a single mother does the same? Well you can only guess what is being said about her parenting abilities.

Why is a man a great dad if he takes his kids out on the weekends and pays child support, and a mother can look after her children well 24/7 and one little discretion, or raise of her voice and she is a 'bad mom'.

When a man with kids wants to go away with the boys for a weekend it's considered normal, but if a mother wants a weekend to let loose it's "shouldn't she be home with her children?"

It irritates me that if there is a social gathering or dinner party, the norm is for the women to help or at least offer to help clean up afterwards, and if there is one woman who doesn't, she is shunned and considered lazy even though the men did nothing but sit and drink beer.

NEWS FLASH! Domestic duties is not something women enjoy. It does not excite us or bring joy! Its just something that needs to be done.

If a female wishes to hang out and participate in the same activities as the men, she is branded a 's**t' by other women, and becomes a source of gossip and jealous bickering.

Quite often, men with kids assume that because we are women, we will be interested in looking after and entertaining their children for them. WE AREN'T.

I get so sick and tired of the disappointed reaction I receive from others when I don't seem to be doing exactly as a good woman should, or when I put myself before others. I'm too damn young, headstrong and selfish to conform to these feminine expectations!

We all need to give women a break!

Sheridan1988 Sheridan1988
22-25, F
20 Responses Apr 27, 2012

There are some really assinine comments from men on this page. They kinda prove your point, that men get praised for doing half the things that women get criticized for doing. And they are afraid of being held to equal standards, hence the rage and name-calling when you point it out. Especially that guy who said single mothers SHOULD be held to more judgement then single fathers. wtf??

You are speaking the truth. Haters are speaking from fear of your truth.

I think it is much harder to be a man.

Try being a woman for a week then you will run back to your mama.

Well obviously not. With the exception of child birth of course, women have life very easy. For the most part anyway, but I can’t talk for everyone though, because I am just one person and not any other.

Ps my mum is dead.

young, and strong headed.... I agree, that women need to be stronger today. But, men have a lot more pressures, we have to take responsibility for our families, children, and ourselves. Men, need to men, we can't be unmanly. So what has more of an aggressive overtone. <br />
However, when a married women gets drunk with her friends. I do wonder if she has kids, and what's she doing getting drunk. Instead of being, a responsible parent. If she "goes out" at times yes, that is okay, but all time is not okay. There needs to be a line. However, some parents cross that line on a constant basis. Those parents are very selfish, and probably wonder why their kids are messing up in school.... hmm...

Typical "female" equality, the only double standards that should apply to you are the ones you gain advantages from.<br />
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Try passing yourself as a man for a week, you would be shocked how people treat you.

Infantilization AND a derogatory penis reference? Something must have happened to you to make you like this ... I'm sure it was not pretty.

I wish I had a friend like you...someone that actually understands...
Love the comment!

The above comment was @ Tigersbreath.

You cannot determine from a personal experience what is typical! My wife left us, and I had to take care of four children myself. For many years I was barely able to pay the bills, but I demand everything neat and orderly, because without that things are more damaged and lost. Strictness for rules is not cruel, it is essential to avoid destruction.

This woman wants to do everything a man does and she chooses to leave the house dirty and never washing the dishes as a good starting point.

And the society is right to view a single mother worse than a single father, just like it's right to consider a mother abandoning her children a much bigger crime than a man doing the same.

I agree with you one hundred percent! No I am not disputing that there are some men out there that do their share of the housework, nor am I saying that women always get a bad deal but all the men who have bashed you for posting this are trying to use a very small minority to justify their arguments. Some men simply do not understand that attitudes like "stop complaining because there's no problem" ARE as sexist and mysogynistic as "women belong in the kitchen" because both demean the concerns of women.

Ye not feeling good, can empathise with that, but ye so wrong! I am a man an a single parent of five children their older now, have always worked, my kids have never went to school with creased uniforms an never lived in dirt, I have never wanted pity of anyone, my kids are my kids I love them and there my responsibility, am not perfect but done and still trying to do my best! have come across lot woman whom for some unknown reason take offense that I cope beinging a single parent ! You need to reassess ye outlook, good look


I agree with you. Even though most women work, statistics show that we still do the lion's share of the housework and child-rearing. This is just statistically true, though I do hear of men who do housework. I feel embarrassed when people come over and the house is messy, my husband doesn't care a bit. I don't know that this is the norm, but most of my friends do complain that they do more than their male partners. It's hard juggling work, housework, child-raising, that's all there is to it.

Double standards do indeed exist, but you don't have to let them get you down! Stick up for yourself with tact and avoid people whose attitude is contrary to your principles. When I go out to dinner at friends', I announce upfront that I want to sit back and enjoy myself. I do, however, let them know that when they come to my place, I will encourage THEM to sit back and enjoy themselves. My husband helps out a lot with housework. We divide up the chores pretty equally, but we don't make a big deal out of it. We both work, but as independent entrepreneurs, our time is pretty flexible, which is a boon when divvying up the work (grocery shopping, chauffeuring our son, etc.). I think it's a matter of your own mindset, rather than what other people think.<br />
About motherhood, I like to joke that I've finally gotten over my fear of being a bad mother. Now I'm certain of it. So that's settled! But more seriously speaking, we all doubt ourselves as parents, especially moms. Society does seem to set very high standards for mothers. My son whines and grumbles, but I tell him, "I'm doing the best I can. No one promised you a rose garden." That's the pure and simple truth. Perfection does not exist. No one can really be in another person's shoes and understand what is going on with them. So we must all be very careful about passing judgment. And we have to be our own best friend and boost our own morale when others pass judgment on us.

I don't know which world judges you that way, but it's not true in the world where I live. My father did most of the domestic duties, and I have done my share for more than 50 years. The women in my life (mother, wife 1, wife 2) have never been domestic slaves. Of course, the first two were pschophatic abusers too. . . but hey, it's all about equality. I've been told that men are never victims of domestic abuse, but I know better.

Sounds to me you have some growing up to do. If ayone had a messy room I would think the same thing, and it would be true. Lazy and slow! Pick your stuff up and put it in its place. You may need to get to it in an emerging situation. Male or female. My wife and I have been Maried for a long time. We have our own way of doing things. I am very dominant in everything I do. But where my life's love comes in, it is a team effort. I roll out the red carpet and or lay my coat over the perverbial puddle for her. And she would burden for me without question. If it needs fux'n one or the other fixes it. I do the outside of the house and we share the inside. She cooks barefooted. ; ) because she enjoys it. You don't mind doing for the other if you love them. We both work about 50 hrs a week. It is not about having a different standard. But when females start fighting against their natural role. And when men are weak....well that can't be good. It is what it is. You are in your mid twenties correct? So why are you so bogged down with such things? You sound like you know what you want. But are unsure how to get it. Find people that flow with you. If I don't agree with someone they aren't around me for long. I taught my daughter, who is a little younger than you, and every bit as eager and head strong as you sound. But drops it all for the family in a heartbeat. Do something bigger than yourself. Serve a public organization. Learn that you have it good. Get out of this feminist mind set and enjoy yourself. Find someone that turns your key, and do for them not just yourself.

I think that while it is good to do for others I disagree heartily about the "females fighting against their natural role " line. It is not a natural role to be the handmaiden of all the men in the family. Yes, we have it better in this country than women have it in other countries. You bet we do. Years ago women pushed hard politically for it. Equality means to respect. It is not respectfull for men to expect women to play handmaiden after them as it is not respectful for women to expect men to magically fix things or automatically take care of the car or outside the home.

Simple solution: if you stop caring and complaining about "certain standards" they won't exist any more.

Tell that to the opposite sex.

Well When dads are appreciated tobring the child to school they are being compared to other dads not moms... <br />
I hear you on untiedieness well it's only certain people who pass remarks it all depends on who you hang out with? to me aunties are problem but I don't really give a **** ... I have told them off many times and made them leave my room ... I don't care if they ***** about me... I think that's what they live for ... You just need to tell these women or men who tell you, how you should live in your bedroom to fu** off...<br />
Don't try to please anyone you never can anyway... You know what you did right and what you deserve if you are a good mom you don't need a certificate from anyone else... The love of your children will tell you... Even though we live in advance society we have long way to go when it comes to equality between men and women... Just like you've said I feel one of the biggest reasons of that is that women herself give priviledge to men ,... both men and women tend to promote men over women and appreciate the work of men over women... Therefore, there is inequality ... All I can advise is keep fighting we need more women like you to win this fight of inequality... And don't be bothered with what others say I'm sure you are a good mother or you keep your room tide whenever it's needed :) its totally your life you are the who will decide if you are good or bad... Those people who pinpoint you can never know you the way you know yourself so don't wait for them to appreciate you... Appreciate your good deeds yourself

This attitude comes from the old adage"Housework and Caring for the Children is woman's work." Men are to take care of providing for the home by bringing in the money, and working outside AROUND the home.<br />
I happen to be a male who DOES NOT have these feelings. I would put my housekeeping abilities against ANY womans. My wife has what is called Fibromyalgia, and I can TOTALLY take care of things in her place. I have been cooking, washing clothes, cleaning toilets, whatever is needed around the house sinse I was 12 years old. Of course when she was able, My wife carried her part of whatever was needed to be done as well. We BOTH had our jobs away from home, however, we BOTH had our jobs here at the house also. When I was single and lived alone, I STILL kept a clean house/ apartment.<br />
Zerich (70 Yrs. Old)

My brothers are like you and I and their wives appreciate and are proud of them. Capable is the word for a man who can do anything in the home for anyone in the home. Men like you are like gold.

Amen to that!!!<br />
This should be put in the evening news on tv!

And printed in all the newspapers around the world. Women can do more than watch kids and clean the house. We like to go out sometime without having to take the kids every time like our male counterparts that just pick up and leave when they want to and have "no worries". Sure I love my kids but I want a life besides housework and babysitting.

If you're being labeled a certain way it makes me wonder How you came to be seperated from your husband ? Just asking. Not pointing fingers.

Not one of the stereotypes you put up there mad cany sense to me ma'm. They all read as : "psychotic stepford wives do this, but I don't think it's okay"<br />
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If anyone were to treat a woman I know like that, they would get a little bit more than just a stern talking-to..<br />
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Sounds like you need to pick your friends a little better...<br />
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. You seem to want a soapbox, but none of your topics merit argument. They are all agreeable.<br />
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Equality is not what you want anyway... Society has protected the mother and the woman figure for two centuries, and now you want all those benefits but none of the drawbacks?<br />
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It cuts both ways, ma'am. You dont get to be considered special, but just like everyone else at the same time. There will always be a gulf between masculinity and femininty. That is what our society creates. Its what perpetuates the race. Without the differences, there would be no attraction. <br />
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It is simply nature being interpreted.

Disliked doesn't even begin to describe this response. You get stuck in the same situation ten see how you feel.

It goes the other way too. There are many occasions where women get more benefits with family support if she is single with children. Often if not all fathers who split from a relationship has to pay family support to help the mother and children to survive and most divorce settlements which are dealt by court are split where the woman gets most of the share.<br />
As for clothing look around you. How many clothing stores are for women and men? What about the styles of clothing, the colours available for males compared to women? Women have huge choices over men and still not content with what they wear. They are supported by positive comments to what they wear but do men ever get positive comments? As for styles of fashion we see women showing off dresses on catwalks and various shows. Men can only wear tuxedos either wearing bow ties or conventional ties. Women can wear pants, jeans and any male-type clothing including footwear but can men wear a plain blue or black skirt or dress? Now you would remark with a negative comment.<br />
We have complaints about women wanting equal pay. I'm all for that but why give equal prizemoney in tennis when the males play the best of 5 yet the women play the best of 3. I would like to see equality when both men and women finally see common sense and not just target one sex but not the other.

You create them (children) then you pay for them. True about clothes: many more styles and colors for women. By the way, women are expected to wear a suited skirt or dress for anything eventful just men wear a suit. Some events indicate heels whether you like them or not. At least men do not have to wear torture devices on their feet. Yes, women should have equal pay in everything.

Well said.