Probability And Predictability.I was born into a harsh environment, often hostile. There's no telling exactly how this effected me, it's context. I developed emotionally and intellectually slower than everyone around me as a result, it's pretty clear this was a defense mechanism. Growing up in my environment wasn't just unpleasant, it was causing my body to intentionally stunt development. But around the end of my teens I developed rapidly, this is where I would begin and do the bulk of my learning, outside school ironically.
In this time I have come to discover a world that is in far more trouble than I am. I have come to know a world even more hostile than my own life. Every single thing I learn about it only raises more questions. And the more questions the harder I analyze. I spend sufficient time understanding my own mistakes, what makes them mistakes, how to do better. The more I discover myself the more I can understand the world around me, and the more I understand the world around me the more I realize that the damage being done is self inflicted.
We have to take responsibility for our environment before we can change it, and this on the whole hasn't even begun to happen yet. As I progress I feel more and more connection to everything around me, like I can see everything happening around me. I see a person and I can imagine where they live, what they do, what they don't. I see structures and imagine them being built, how long it took, how many people it took to build them, how much it cost. I think more than anything I've always wanted the analytical mind, but once you see the world the way I have you can't turn it off.
I can walk into a church and spot who's families have gone there for generations and who's just walked in, just by their clothes and the look on their face. I can see the dry crusted fingertips of doctors at the corner store. Just about everything about our existence on this planet seems patently absurd to me. I'm not a genius, I'm not even that smart, I'm no prophet either. My life has just crafted me into a specialist at seeing the bigger picture, I see what others have been conditioned to overlook. I'm not good at much else.
The point is that our situation is growing desperate, and the human race is growing blissful and arrogant and I know what happens when probability meets predictability. The more information I attain about the human race the less certain I am it has a future. I can see progress when I look into our history, even the most recent, the questions I have are is it going to be enough, and am I not seeing something. Because if you were to ask me as of this moment if the human race will survive the next century, the answer is no.