Being Forgiving Does Not Mean Be A Doormat

I think Forgiving someone does not automatically exclude you from saying No, I am done. Saying no and saying you are forgiven can go hand in hand. It simply says, yes i will forgive you, but i will not allow you to hurt me again.

I think that forgiving someone, and allowing them a second chance is fine, but when it is now a second, third and more chances, then they have abused my good will. Being taken advantage of, time and again, and forgiving them again and again, does make you a pretty well used door mat. And so that cycle needs to be put to an end.
neuilly neuilly
61-65, F
8 Responses Dec 3, 2012

Preach! Forgivness is a necessary thing... but people use it to jusitfy weak behavior. Forgive to free your mind walk away because you value yourself.

Yes, because until you do forgive, it really is going to be bubbling up every time you run into this person, or think of them.

I absolutely agree. A lot of people think that to forgive someone, you need to wipe your slate completely clean, as if nothing bad had ever happened. But that's not forgiveness; that's refusing to learn. Forgiveness is simply letting go of your anger and resentment toward someone.

Forgiveness is extremely important, but the decision to give someone a second chance is extremely personal. You don't owe it to someone a favor just because you don't resent them.

I needed to hear this right now. Thank you for posting it.

So true. I think people misunderstand this. There is a word, "reconciliation" that is not the same as forgiving.

Forgiving is letting go of your sense of wanting personally to exact revenge. It doesn't mean pretending.

Some times it precedes a renewed relationship. Some times, it precedes people going separate way in peace. If someone had shown no attempt to make amends, letting them continue to act badly, is not loving.

Of course, each situation is different. Praying about it helps to gain wisdom about each relationship.

Everyone needs forgiveness. We all makes mistakes. True forgiveness is about being honest. Good post. Helpful reminder.

God wants us to forgive and allow Him to work inside the other person. He knows that bitterness, resentments and unforgiving attitudes hurt us.

well said. thank you so much. and also, after so many times it starts to become more like co-dependency.

Very good point to make Neui. Forgiveness is more for your own sake I think. As you rightly point out, it is not a licence for the other person to go on hurting you.

When you forgive, you allow yourself to recognise the humanity of the other person, DESPITE the hurt they have inflicted. And that is healing for YOU. They may not know or care that they are forgiven, but your heart is now free to go on living a healthy emotional life.

But you are right when you say "i will not allow you to hurt me again." Forgiveness does not entitle anyone to go on repeating their damaging behaviour. And it certainly should not be you yourself allowing that damaging behaviour to continue. Very well said, Neui.

Thank you. I just think writing all this stuff down, helps keep my head straight. We tend to accumulate a lot of bad habits in life, and so because I am now starting over, there is a lot of resorting,re-thinking that I need to do.I need to re- think about what is appropriate behavior, good behavior,expected behavior, harmful behavior, because, for the moment, all of that is jumbled.

great post

Thank you

Maybe we should join Doormats Anonymous? ;-)

yes... that's probabaly not a bad idea.