I believe in forgiving people because it can ease a bit of your stress. It has for me. I do not believe in forgetting the wrong they did to you because they are capable of doing it again. So once you see their true colors, you can forgive them from afar.
A friend of mine a few years back was dating the brother of my boyfriend. Her boyfriend told her his brother was cheating on me. She didn't share this info with me until 2 months after I had already broken up with him. I told her everything she wanted to know about her boyfriend but she withheld info about mine from me. Not fair. I forgave her, but I am no longer a close friend of hers. I forgave her and my ex which helped ease the pain but that doesn't mean I had to keep them in my life. There were other things she did, but that was the last straw.
Forgave them from afar, get it?
guideme2truth guideme2truth
26-30, F
4 Responses Aug 20, 2014

For most thing but not all. It's rare but some thing are unforgivable.

I guess I can see your point there. What would you say is unforgivable?

I have a story posted about the only thing I, personally will never be able to forgive.

Forgive but don't forget.

i agree

But, isn't forgiving the act of moving past it? You haven't truly forgiven them because you still let what they did play a factor between you and them. Can't blame you of course.

This is just what I think though.

No, I disagree. If you forgive a rapist, would you leave him alone with your child? No, you wouldn't. You probably wouldn't even want them living in your neighborhood. So, did you really forgive them?

Of course you wouldn't. That's my point. You don't forgive them as long as what they did/do still plays a factor between you and them. In my opinion, if you forgive someone, what they did no longer plays a factor between you and them.

Take this rapist in your example for example. If you forgive him for raping, then the raping will no longer be a factor between you two. If you "forgive" them by accepting it happened, but still let the raping be a factor between you two, I don't call that forgiving, but simply accepting.

Hmmmmmm interesting way of thinking about it. I still disagree. Thank you for the interesting conversation :-)

No problem.

Can you give a more detailed explanation of how you would truly forgive someone who raped you? Would it be to act as if nothing happened? Have dinner with them occasionally? I'm just curious what your thoughts are, thanks :-)

Well, no. Personally I would never be able to forgive someone who raped me. I would eventually accept it and move on, but I could never forgive that person.

Raping me is simply something I could never forgive someone for. I would eventually accept it, meaning I can think about it without invoking (much) emotion and such.

However, if I COULD forgive a rapist, I'd no longer let the rape play a factor, thus treating him like I would treat a regular person so to speak.

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