I Clapped In Church

i was just looking around this site.i was looking at popular experiences today.i came to a story where a person expressed their personal revelation that brought them to believe in the LORD.i was touched by their story.right away i wanted to share my experience,my revelation.then i read a comment that made me come here to share.the comment said this experience is i don't believe in GOD.here is what made me think there was no GOD and then what made me believe HE is real.when i was young because of abuse i said GOD,if your real,take my life,end my suffering.i must add it wasn't just the abuse,it was the crazy **** in my head,the dreams,the visions.deaths i saw.lots of suffering that i wanted to end.neither did but the biggest doubt was because HE didn't take me.so one sunday at church,o yes,our mother took my 3 oldest sisters,my brother and i to church every sunday.so one sunday i talk my brother(11 months older)that this,these sermons were just a good story.that after the priest told one of these sermons that it was just a good story and that we should clap loudly after each one which we started to do. our mother,embarrassed of course,stop taking us to church.my dreams got more frequent and intense.i started having them more and more in the day.when my father got me drunk when i was 6 yrs old.i passed out and woke up swimming in my own puke.but i was happy cause i had no dreams that night.by the time i was 9 i wasn't puking no more after this sunday ritual that happened at pop-pops.the visions in the day got stronger and so did my consumption of alcohol and drugs.i stayed drunk or high 24/7 to not see things no more.because of it i had the worst license in my state in the 80's and 90's.i ended in jail eventually.after a suicide attempt while incarcerated i ended up strapped down.i still tried while restraint to end my life.GOD came to me in a dream holding a child.he said he loved me but had to make me experience life on my own so i would come to believe in HIM after all HE showed me every day.after i would test HIM daily by always picking the wrong decision in most situations daily.i knew what price i would pay for those decisions before i made them.then HE told me what i had to do to prove my faith,then tell everyone why.why i i'm so against drugs and alcohol.they stop so many from experiencing HIS love.to spread love instead of hate.this past saturday my good friend who i took in because he was homeless,died in my house.i called 911.on the police scanner a few heard that barry d just had a heart attack and is dead.its nice to be loved by the LORD and know HE is real.you fear nothing.you want nothing but only to share HIS love with everyone.GOD changed me,one of the worst of the worst.my friend went to the hospital march 29th.when i went to visit him the elevator died on me when leaving.i became hysterical because i told said friend what was now in my heart that GOD speaks to us thru dreams,visions and coincidences.i need to end my all hate in my mind to experience the future that the LORD showed me would be mine.don't make this life hell.it is heaven if you believe.

barryd31 barryd31
46-50, M
Apr 22, 2010