Born Out, Reborn In, Walked Away

As a child I knew nothing of religion there was nothing at all that I believed that could point to a higher being, well except for maybe Santa. As I grew older my father joined the Catholic Church and my brother and I first learned about God. We started out in a huge modern group than moved to novus ordo(the modern mass in Latin). Both of these were simple and beautiful- and I was really into it. I wanted to become a nun; I watched the concecration through the glass of my rosery beads, the same beads I would get in trouble for praying on in class at my school. "Not the time or place" they would say. Then I grew older and so did my father. We moved on to the 1964 version of traditional Latin mass. It was all so deep and honestly it was impossible practically to get into heaven. Everything was a sin, being awake this late was a sin. :P I grew to lothe my faith- when I lost the love for the church I became very emotional- much like a girl going through a breakup. I was suicidal for a while... Not the best days. To this day I refuse to want to have children simply because I don't want to cause them suffering. I don't want to expose them to hell. Anyway, I left and now I'm wandering. I believe in god, but a merciful god who punishes those who deserve punishment and saves those who have done their best to be good. I believe in a beautiful god who loves us all and hopes that we all come to see him eventually! But I don't go to church... My church is with me wherever I go. I don't go to confession. My wrongs are just between me and him. I don't waste time listening to another man gripe about how having a boyfriend and holding his hand is a mortal sin that could send you to hell. That kissing him is a sin, that hugging him is a sin, that having romantic feelings is a sin. No- that is not true. Love is what makes up god- so why would be be opposed to love when it is when we feel closest to him.
Serenasong Serenasong
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 7, 2013

I believe in God who Has provided a gift of forgivness avaliable for all mankind and all they need do is believe jesus and accept His atonement for their sins.

I was a former catholic myself. Glad i got out of that religion.