The Story of My Life

I am a religious person. I have always had strong faith in God. I pray regularly. In fact, you could say, I have personal conversations with "Him" more often than I recite actual formal prayers. I believe that our lives have a purpose and that "He" has a plan for all of us. Although, that plan is not always what we might want, or expect: There is comfort in knowing that, though it is little.

With that being said, I often find myself wondering, "What in the hell is He thinking?" 

Just when everything seems clear and things are going as they should, my train gets derailed and I am left to pick up the pieces, only to start over again. For example, I get a big promotion at work, only to be released three weeks later and without cause. My team makes the play-offs but during the game, I blow out my knee. I adopt the perfect pet from the Humane Society and then it runs away. 

A while back, I met the women of my dreams but I let her get away because I was already married. I steered her interest in me, away to someone else, by introducing them. They are happily married now, with two beautiful kids. As it turns out, my wife had been screwing around with a friend of mine, behind my back. Now, I look back at that missed opportunity and I want to kick myself.

It's not just me, either. Perfectly good, innocent, people have terrible things happen to them, all of the time. Storms come out of nowhere and wipe out whole villages. People are starving, while somewhere in the world, a tyrant sits on a toilet seat of gold. I know of a man who quit smoking to improve his health, only to develop cancer of a different sort years later. Now, that’s some luck!

We are not supposed to question God but I am trying really hard not to do just that. With my luck, I’m afraid I'll continue to struggle with a righteous life, only to die and discover it was all just a sham.

God has a strange sense of humor, no doubt. If you need proof just take a look at the ostrich, or the platypus and tell me life's not funny. Mankind must be the joke of the universe.

Sometimes, I think God just does these things to remind us that "He" can do whatever “He” wants. This is "His" creation and "He" is in charge, not us. I’m starting to feel like a puppy that winces whenever I hear a loud noise.

Do you ever find your self asking, “Why me God?” 

I do it all of the time. 

I try to take everything in stride. I don’t feel angry or bitter, for my problems. I own up to my own mistakes in life. I try my best to learn from them and evolve into a better person.

I certainly don’t hold a grudge against God. About all anyone really can do, is to try and see the irony of it all. Many can’t. Then people wonder why a perfectly "nice" boy goes on a shooting spree.

"He was so quiet, and polite. He always kept to himself."  

No one ever sees it coming..... That's the irony.


Shinigami69 Shinigami69
36-40, M
2 Responses Aug 9, 2009

You have noo idea how much I can relate to you!

Alot of what I feel is what you said. So I know how you feel. :( Hope it all gets better for the both of us.