But I Don't Know What To Do Anymore.....Let me start out by saying that I am probably completely confused spiritually. I used to think I had a grip on what I actually believed....nowadays I am not so confident anymore. Years ago I used to attend a Southern Baptist church here where I live. I was pretty naive and I hadn't really experienced life and all of it's ups and downs. I read the Bible often. I went to church when services were held and did all the things that Christians ( and churchgoers,etc) do. Then, about 6 years ago, I got married and it wasnt good. I pretty much quit going to church. My wife also considered herself a "Christian" and we would attend church usually once in awhile....usually next to never. My marriage fell apart. I got divorced. I got an apartment alone. I tried to put God somewhere in my life but being on my own for the first time led me to "try" things.....I drank some....and had a few flings with women. Then I began to be curious about the occult. I got books on Wicca...and The Golden Dawn and Aliester Crowley. I bought a copy of "The Satanic Bible" and read it. I considered becoming a Wiccan. I considered becoming a Satanist. While "The Satanic Bible" was not what I thought it would be...it started me to think about the possibility that maybe God didn't really exist. I read some things by Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins. I saw things online that said that God was a myth and that theists (people who believe in a God) are basically idiots. I began to think that I might be an atheist. I even claimed to be an atheist on FB and in other places. But,at the same time, considered joining the Catholic Church and even went so far as to email a local Catholic priest for information. I bought some Catholic books. I bought some evangelical Christian apologetic books. Right now I believe that there is no way that this Universe happened by some cosmic "accident"....and so I DO believe that there is (Or was,etc) a "God" or a "Creator". Sometimes I just wish I had that same simple faith I had years ago....you know?
backslider1966 46-50, M 11 Responses 2 Jan 8, 2013