But I Don't Know What To Do Anymore.....

Let me start out by saying that I am probably completely confused spiritually. I used to think I had a grip on what I actually believed....nowadays I am not so confident anymore. Years ago I used to attend a Southern Baptist church here where I live. I was pretty naive and I hadn't really experienced life and all of it's ups and downs. I read the Bible often. I went to church when services were held and did all the things that Christians ( and churchgoers,etc) do. Then, about 6 years ago, I got married and it wasnt good. I pretty much quit going to church. My wife also considered herself a "Christian" and we would attend church usually once in awhile....usually next to never. My marriage fell apart. I got divorced. I got an apartment alone. I tried to put God somewhere in my life but being on my own for the first time led me to "try" things.....I drank some....and had a few flings with women. Then I began to be curious about the occult. I got books on Wicca...and The Golden Dawn and Aliester Crowley. I bought a copy of "The Satanic Bible" and read it. I considered becoming a Wiccan. I considered becoming a Satanist. While "The Satanic Bible" was not what I thought it would be...it started me to think about the possibility that maybe God didn't really exist. I read some things by Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins. I saw things online that said that God was a myth and that theists (people who believe in a God) are basically idiots. I began to think that I might be an atheist. I even claimed to be an atheist on FB and in other places. But,at the same time, considered joining the Catholic Church and even went so far as to email a local Catholic priest for information. I bought some Catholic books. I bought some evangelical Christian apologetic books. Right now I believe that there is no way that this Universe happened by some cosmic "accident"....and so I DO believe that there is (Or was,etc) a "God" or a "Creator". Sometimes I just wish I had that same simple faith I had years ago....you know?
backslider1966 backslider1966
46-50, M
8 Responses Jan 8, 2013

Jesus said that He is THE WAY, the Truth, and the Life (John 14:6). And He went on from that to say, No one comes to the Father except by Me. Seek Jesus wholeheartedly. Read your Bible, the gospels (Mathew, Mark, Luke and John). Become "reacquainted" with who Jesus is and how He was treated. Be transformed in your thinking... Romans 12:1-2). If you haven't already done it, be SURE to give up/give away/quit any occult, etc. stuff. Good input = transformed mind/life = good fruit, etc. God bless you! This is worth any and every effort you invest. Settle that in your heart even today if you haven't already. There is NO OTHER answer. The words of St. Augustine, "Our Hearts are Restless Until They Rest in You". Let me know if I can be of help in your progress. If you have a minute, take time to read my story, on my profile page, titled "God's Protective Hands". He's proven Himself to me. He wants to do the same for you!

This comment inspires many thank you

And 'thank you' for the encouragement.

Oh and also...there are many religions including catholicism that beleives in ghosts and demans and all that. Just because they exist doesnt mean God cant. There is always a balance.

Hey, I can relate to the questioning, the confusion...I was the opposite in some ways though. From a very young age I decided I didnt believe in a God...well Id never curse Him ..just in case...or when people in my life passed I prayed. But none of it made any sense and I was easily an atheist. But then all these strange things were happening. You ever have the most bizarre coincidence happen? Anyway, there was always weird little things like that but then a couple years agoand recently I have witnessed two things that canbe none other than miricles . Ill save the details, it wouldnt be believed anyway . Anyway long story short there is not one tiny doubt in my mind there is a God ...or a force much greater than our own. I think it may jus be the thing that all diffedent religions call by their different names. Anyway, its safe to say Im still just as doubtful in some ways, its funny. And i struggle with...whats the word...surrendering. I think we have a spiritual side and a human side, and its that human side that makes this such a struggle. :)

Your reopening your heart to Jesus. He never left you...he let you go so you can come back stronger. You have a gift of faith. That is truly what's bringing you back. It's easy to blame God on our choices even though He has given us the ability to make choices.
God is amazing, he take all our wrongs and bring good out of it. May God's Blessing be alway with you. I am Catholic

It really is simple, I think people want it to be more complicated than it is. I Believe! That's it for me! Doesn't make my life perfect but it gives me hope, assurance, comfort, peace...... I could go on and on. The Almighty God is not the author of confusion, that is the enemy.

First i want to give you my own testimony: I to had questioned about spirituality,wheather therewas a God or not. See when i was a little girl,my stepfather had pointed a shotgun to my head and pulled the trigger. The Riffle Jammed-this happened when i was four years old not only that but physical & emotional abuse. My mother gave me up for adoption,to my grandparents. However i did not remember it fully. Bit's and pieces/Nightmares living itin my head over and over(not realizing the dreams i had were reality)thing's that actuallyhad happened to me. But thought i was diffrent-and held it all in. It was not tell i was around10yrs old that my grandfather had me do some files for his rentals,and i found a file withmy name on it. I opened it up and looked at it: It stated i was adopted,the name of my mother and dad. Needless to say-not such a good feeling. My Grandparent's had sheltered me-I was not allowed to be like other kids. I could not do after school sports,they had to pick me up from school,i was not allowed to have kids stay over or go to there house. I never had birthday parties and so forth. I had to call my mom my Aunt,My Aunt my sister,My Uncle my brother. My Grandparent's were not the most affectionate of people.I felt rejected,angry,lied to,and no one i could talk to. As i got older i become defiant -Would not listed to them,Sometimes take a razor to my wrist,just wanting to slit them-dueto the hurt i felt inside-I just wanted to die-but something always held me back from followingthrough with it. I did not feel loved,looked all the wrong places for that,and turned to drugsand alcohol-to in a since numb my pain and try to forget all i had been through,was raped.Anyhow took me alongtime to realize,I was only hurting myself that doing drugs and alcohol was not changing the fact that the following day,those problems were still there-i just creating more problems for myself. But i went through a hate faze,non trusting anyone,,would'nt listen. I went through alot of garbage. I at the time could not understand why all this bad stuff happened to me. I also have had 3 bad marriages. I to questioned is there a God,how could a loving God let this happen. I started researching diffrent churches-going to diffrent ones-after i had read the KJV Bible. I felt the need to go to church-however none of the churches i attended-fit that i which i was reading(all had difrent thought's and teachings) Then i realized-these were man-made religions-ba<x>sed of traditions and teachings. That they pic and choose what sc<x>riptures they want or someone's made up there own story-religion. So I come to really studying the KJV Bible(which is ba<x>sed on the Hebrew and Greek. After studying it for several years-I found out God is not a Religion-He is are Creator,he made everything litterally,all he wanted to do was share with us-give freely,all he asked in return was for man to follow his Laws and Love him and say thank you. He first made a covenatwith certain men-that obeyed his Laws. And then made promises to there sons(12 tribes)Who then kept the Tabernacle/Sactuary/Temple. They were given spesific rules tofollow(Heave offering,meat offerings,peace offerings,passover)ect. However some ofthese tribes(Like Dan) disobeyed and went to other nations-and partook ofthere sin by-building false idols and gods(and burning there children and sacraficing themto there gods and partook in there laws. They forgot all about God there creator and did not follow his Laws. God punished them for there wickedness-and many Nations were destroyed-The Kings of there nations,Like Tyrus. But they new they were sins-and they had been warned by Gods prophets a forehand. God also told them and set up further Laws-10 commandments,to keep the sabbath,Passover and so on. Now the men(Priest)over there houses/families: had to repent of there sins once a year. However man couldnever fully be rid of those sins/they were in there remberance. Anyway Jesus when died on the cross(-for are healing were by his stripes & shed his blood for are sins.-and Placea new covenant: He filled what man could not-because he had no sin in him. So those who believe in him-his sins are washed away when they repent(ask for forgiveness) see thosemen-priest and tribes never had the chance for there sins to truely be forgiven of themtell Jesus came on the seen. See when you except Jesus as Lord and Savior of your life:He states your sin will i remember no more. That means your past & future are forgiven.He's your covering. Nothing can harm you. Does not mean the Devil wont try and point outyour past or say you aint worth a crap and so on. But he was a Liar from the beginningand always will be. It's hard to exsplain it all: The only way you can begin to understandis for you: To search for the truth-Study the Bible/Seek and you shall find-note that itjust dont happen over night/you have to study-learn and have the want. I am a believerwhere before i wouldnt listen to anyone who would push there therioes on me/I found outfor myself. Just remember this(the people of the world seek out to find theroy otherthan God for existance. That's why God say's: The People of the World know the things ofthe World. And Those People who follow after God do not follow the things of this world,but seek Jesus and they hear his voice(by Following gods Words the bible which isliving and breathing(his words)Laws. Hope this helps some :)

I would just like to say that although I have been a believer as long as I can remember, I did not know what a wonderful gift the love and grace of God really was, until through some very hard times, I came to a point where I realized how much I needed my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. It is the most amazing feeling when you finally give Him control of your life, the freedom and peace is overwhelming. I become a blubbering idiot at times, especially when I hear certain Christian songs, and it's wonderful because I feel Him. I LOVE IT, and my life has not been easy, but I am grateful for it all because it has taught me so much about Gods grace and pure love!

Your faith is truly a blessing. An example to follow

When you where a "southern baptists" Did you believe in the Atonement of Jesus for the forgivness of your sins and eternal existance with God?

What was it about the Christianity you where introduced to that caused you to have problems with it?

Just trying to find out more about your thoughts. Trying to find out where you have come from.

All Praise The Ancient Of Days

You are about the same point in your life when i started to ask questions as to why are we here, where did we come from and where are we going.
You had some background with religion i had none, i studied with the JWs and the Mormons but they couldn't get me to commit, i eventually met a Southern Baptist Pastor in Australia on Missionary service, we became friends, and i heard the gospel for the first time, tried to put it into the too hard basket at first, but did commit to repenting of my sins and throwing myself on Gods mercy through Jesus, this was a lifechanging experience that continues in my old age, if you want to talk contact via PM i am in Australia and on a different timezone.