A week ago, I was in one of the worst positions of my life. Well, thats how I felt. My back was up against the wall, and I needed help. So finally I went to get it. But after confessing and owning up to my actions, I felt so ashamed. See, I would've rather have just kept them secret. After I told, I felt so judged, and I thought "was it worth it?".

"Was it worth it"? Really? At the time it felt like the only escape, like things were just so bad there was no other way.
Now I'm thinking "was. it. worth. it" Was it worth it to get the help I so desperately needed? Obviously it was, if I came to the conclusion to tell. However, sometimes when God sees you so close to the help you need, but for some reason you just won't nudge, he'll give you the push you need. He'll put a little pressure on you. He will literally make you feel like the walls are closing in on you if it means getting you to finally open the door.

I was so concerned about my image that I regretted getting...help. I was afraid to let someone come in and change me. If I was afraid to let a human know my problems, how would I be able to let God come in and change my life. If I could barely tell myself the truth, how on earth was I expected to lay it before God?

Not only was I going through a "problem" but it involved someone else. I was afraid that the person I told, would "rat" me out to them. Not "rat" but kind of out me. And then I thought,"who is it that I am really protecting?" God? Them? or myself? My own image?

God? If I truly loved God, I would open my heart to Him entirely. Let him in to the parts I didn't want Him to see. I would allow him to change me and purify me.

Them? If I truly loved them, I would tell someone about what was really going on. It's not called "ratting" it's called "saving". Bringing some dirty, damaging things to light.

Myself? Yes, that's who I was protecting. I didn't want my own image to be destroyed. But if I truly loved myself, or the other person, I would let God do His work in us both.

Now, a week later, I am in a completely different place. The person I told, decided to take my problem completely in their hands and pray and try to find a solution. They...really love me. That's what that tells me. I feel so loved. And complete. This secret, this ugly dark secret, has been brought to light. God sees it, He sees the effort I made to get help. Sometimes, that's just what "confessing" means. God already knows, but to confess is to boldly make a statement to God, that we trust Him. We recognize we have a problem.

I ask you today, if you are going through a problem, Please get the help you need. You are not in this alone. That's cliché. I know. But I also know how you feel. Shameful, weak, powerless, and alone. I'm telling you, there's a way to get that burden off of your shoulders. God LOVES you. And he's willing to handle your problem for you. Your life might feel dark now, but it can all change in the blink of an eye. In the confession of a conversation. Recognize your problem, confess your problem, and trust that GOD can and will deliver you from it.

I love you. Because you are me. We're not that different. You are real, and you feel, and think, and cry, just like I do. So please, never feel alone, or weird or different. You are worth saving.
lavalife lavalife
22-25, F
4 Responses Aug 20, 2014

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great post

Thank you(:

This was beautiful, thanks so much for sharing.

Means so much, thank you

wow, i know how you feel, i lost my faith in God and think to myself "im fine on my own", "i dont need anyone" and just keep everything inside me. In the end i was wrong during my confirmation retreat i found out that i couldn't keep everything in and that i need someone to talk to without being judge so i turn to God, who i have ignore for 5-6 years of my life, i realized that the only way to free myself from everything was to let him carries it for me, his son died for us so we can live without sins and so i let it go, after that retreat i feel so much better and i feel like im living a better life without all the craps from the past to hold me back.

Thats absolutely amazing! God bless you