My Intercultural Marriage

It is very simple...I am in one. It is my first.

When I was younger, when most guys of my age marry, I had had several experiences that basically turned me off to women. Not that I was turned on to guys, mind you, I was simply concerned about living day to day.

Later in life, when medical conditions improved and I had 'gotten over' the past, I tried dating. It was difficult, to say the least, because I was one of the very few men 'out there' that had never been married amongst a sea of divorcees and widows. I made my share of mistakes, but I learned. One thing I did know; I knew exactly what I wanted in a mate and, having lived a while, I had learned that race was not a barrier.

One of the ways that I was looking was through some very careful internet dating. I had signed on a service, and I was confident that they would at least find some women that I could relate to, and perhaps, one that might become my wife. To make a long story short, they did, and I did.

Yes, there are difficulties with different cultures, but then again, there are always the differences between the sexes. There are misunderstandings, sure there are. We went though premarital counselling with her pastor; he introduced me to her culture very well. He ended up marrying us.

Now, maybe there are cultures that should not marry just as there are people that should not marry even if they are from the same culture. There are some that can, though, and do. My wife is Chinese; I am Dutch/English. And it works just fine.

ThinkingGuy ThinkingGuy
51-55, M
9 Responses Dec 1, 2008

good !congratulation!

It's kind of odd really. My wife id Chinese and I never thought of it as an interacial relationship. It was just her and me with interesting contacts around the world. She is smart, educated and a delight with an amazingly alive response to change and innovation. A sheer delight and naughty, funny not to mention lovely.

Kjb2010, you are so right when you say it should be interpreted at "inter-cultural differences and not inter-racial differences. Very good point and those two words can change the outlook in a conversation drastically. Thank you for your input. <br />

I think there are so many different variations on this with their own unique issues that it is impossible to generalize or even discuss. I am personally one who thinks that the notion that there are "races" of men is a ridiculous concept that the geneticists are finding cannot be confirmed with facts. Judging from your post, I gather that you think those from China are a different "race" from those from Holland or England. Here in America, we see huge cultural differences between the Old Dutch and the English, and yet they are classified as the same "race" for some reason. I think inter-cultural marriage might be the better way to discuss this. There is definitely a difference between the English, Dutch, and Chinese cultures. In America, we blend cultures all of the time so it isn't a big deal. It makes life more interesting. May you have a long and happy life.

Thank you Mr. Thinkingguy,<br />
<br />
I can document as much as I want and I will, however because of politics and the corruption in the world I don't think anything will be done unless one of us have been physically harm. For example, how many times does a battered spouse call 911 and then drops charges, however the state never steps in until someone seriously gets hurt or dies. My community has not harmed us other then making our life difficult and uncomfortable. They may try run me out of town but I won't move.

Nikitarose:<br />
If he is the perfect man for you, then he is the perfect man for you regardless of what neighbors may say. Certainly they may disagree with you, but it is your marriage and not theirs. As far as being harassment, there is one thing that you can do but you may need to steel youself before doing it. Go to a member of your community that you trust will give you a straight answer and ask if they have a problem with your marriage. You may get a simple 'yes' or 'no', but you also might get a tirade condemning you. In any case, I would document thoroughly what is happening (ie, times, names (such as the names of police that come to the door), places, specifics), and I dont mean in a diary but in a separate document.<br />
As for my case, I was asked once why I married a chinese girl. Being dutch myself, I simply said 'Because I couldnt find any good dutch women that was even remotely interested!'. It helps to be the guy in such a situation. Now, my wife has never been questioned; as a matter of fact, her friends and family really like me.

I am recently married to a Jamaican man and I am an Native American Indian. Our relationship is solid. He is like the perfect the mate for me. However, I feel on the outer circle (our community) is trying to challenge that. I had never had any issues with my neighbors until I got married to my Jamaican husband. I keep to myself, however they come at me complaining about the simplest of things, such as my friends car parked on the side of the road near my home, which is on a dead end street and I live at the end of that street. I also had the police come to my home claiming my car was seen racing around town with a black man driving. My car had not left my yard for two weeks and my husband does not drive my car. Though the police officer said he was sure it was not my husband. There are so many other issues we have ran into, but I think you got the idea. I just want to know what are the classic signs of harassment when it comes to my interracial marriage? How do I know they are attacking me because of my interracial marriage?

Well, sex is a part of it, but as age creeps in, it tends to go away. Perhaps the biggest point, though, is understanding each other and where each other is coming from.

I like the line from "A Bronx Tale" When you are under the covers, alone color doesn't matter, its how you feel. I think that applies to inside the bedroom as well as out. How you two feel about each other. I'm not trying to turn this into a sexy thing but I hope you know where I'm coming from.