My God

W hen I was growing up,I went to church with my grandma who was a very spiritual Christian lady.I don't recall ever missing sunday school or bible school.Church to me was always very scary with our preacher always talking about hell, fire and brimstone.I knew many verses from the bible and was raised to live by the ten commandments.When I would stay at her house,which was most of the time,she would always read the bible at bedtime.Many of those nights,I would have her read it to me and I would ask questions, to which she always answered.I don't remember once when she would preach to anyone about her religion.I do know that she was very well loved by everyone.

As I got older after she passed away,I always tried to remember at all times the things that she believed in when it came to God.I wanted to be so much like her and to have in my heart what she had in hers.

When my life became a nighmare and a living hell,I was so angry and in so much pain that I started to question what I believed in all my life.I couldn't understand why God had abandoned me and would allow me to have this much pain.Nobody ever explained to me this side of it.The only things I could remember are...God never gives us more than we can handle...When God closes one door,he opens another.
Well,I was positive that I could handle no more pain and I couldn't find any new opened doors.

I guess you could say,I then quit believing in him.

When I started my twelve step progarm,I was told that I had to believe but I just couldn't believe in anything.A friend asked me if I believed that there was a power greater than myself.I thought about it and finally realized that yes, there was a power greater than myself.I decided that to remind myself of it,I was going to use an item that I could see and feel.As time passed and I started to heal,I began to realize what that higher power was to me.I had found the God of my understanding.

I saw beautiful sunrises and sunsets,beautiful oceans and mountains.I saw so many beautiful things and I knew that yes,there was something.I choose to call this God's creations and I do believe in Jesus Christ.

I choose to believe that my God is a forgiving God,not a punishing God.I believe that he is the good of people as in love,sharing,kindness and ect.I believe that he is everything that is good.I then realized that no,he didn't turn his back on me,I just didn't listen or see.

This is my choice and I don't try to make anyone else believe what I believe as I don't want others to pawn off on me what they believe.

I have no use for people who judge others for something they believe is wrong,but yet,they have done the same thing or worse.To me,that is hypocritical.I have no use for people who make accusations against others and use the bible to hide behind.By this I mean using quotes from the bible to defend their accusations.

I also have no use for people to tell me that God said to do or not to do this and that,for they are not God.

If you are here to preach to me,again,you are not my God!

If you are here to judge me instead of giving me an opinion,you need to worry about your own judgement day and leave mine to me.