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Should I Hold On?

Through the years, my bf and i love each other so much. Inspite all the ups and downs we've been through, we're still together. I know he is faithful and sincere. It just came to me lately when i felt like something is missing which i cant figure out exactly what it is. Apparently, we've been busy with our work and spent less time together this past few months. When we see each other after work, at times, i somehow dont felt like he miss me.. I hug him tight then he hug me too.. But that the same as before, not enough to make me feel he missed me as much as i do. I know i should not think that way.. But i think the intimacy and affection is missing. I'm thinking maybe he is just tired or im asking too much. Hmm.. We often fight due to jealousy. He's upset everytime one of my friend get close to me. I sometimes felt like his jealousy is too much, but what can i do? It's the only reason behind all our fights. He thinks i dont seem to care on how he feels by allowing other guys touch me. I dont know.. Those we're just friendly touches or physical contact but then its already a big deal for hid. I dont know who's really having a problem. Is it him who is too jealous and possessive or me who is just so nice to people? In my heart, he is the only one. And i dont think i deserve to be doubted and be hurt. After all the fights we had, i think my heart grew tired of the pain and of being hurt. It complicate when i had a secret attachment to a married man. That's why its harder for me to explain. They say girls cheat when there is something wrong in a relationship, is it true or is it just an excuse of girls who cheat? I fell in love with someone else but if our relationship is working, i think i wouldnt be into this. Eversince, i know i love him so much.. I believe we are meant to be..and its him that i want to share the rest of my life with. Then why am i now inlove with someone else? Im feeling so guilty. Im now trying to forget the other guy. I still love my bf so much, though not as much as before..i know i can't afford to lose him. Its just that everytime i try to show him my love, something is still missing.. But since i believe in us forever, im still holding on for our love. Though im not sure if i am happy.. I dont want to let go and regret it in the end. In time, i hope we'l be better..
Hope4dbest Hope4dbest 22-25, F Apr 25, 2010

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