The 5 Faces Of Love

My dad was a weak, sniveling servant of evil with no confidence, no self-love, and very little compassion for anyone, especially himself. I spent most of my life the same way - hell, I had either a narcissist or a sociopath in every area of my life precisely because I *wanted* someone to tell me what to do so that I didn't have to think for myself.

Children learn how people are "supposed" to be by watching their parents. Boys are supposed to be like dad, and girls are supposed to be like mom. On some unconcious level I learned that men are supposed to be insecure, unconfident, servile, and have no compassion for themselves. It was because of this secret belief that I spent most of my life connecting with people who had been raised by the sorts of evil parents who constantly knocked them into line, or the sorts of people who had been raised by the sorts of twisted-but-not-evil parents who had made their children into the sorts of evil people who constantly knocked others into line. Masters and slaves.

The trick is that confidence, clarity of sight, self-love, compassion and acceptance of people (especially ourselves) are good and healthy things, and by nurturing these qualities in ourselves we can rid our lives of evil and at the same time make the world a tiny bit better.

Keep in mind that confidence and "self-love" doesn't mean being arrogant or acting narcissistically. it doesn't mean becoming undisiplined, and it doesn't mean doing whatever we want and never questioning our actions. You can't love yourself if your actions move toward evil and destructiveness. The hardest part of loving ourselves is the life and soul transformations that are necessary before that love can be legitimate. Live a life that you're proud of and slowly let go of the parts of yourself that you're not proud of. We don't have to be perfect, or even decent, to love ourselves completely. We don't have to live a good life - we just have to be moving in the right direction. If you're actively working to improve your life, then you've got every reason to love yourself. Maybe you don't have the strength to actively improve your life yet. If that's the case then ask yourself "am I working toward having the strength to actively improve my life?" If you are, then you've got every reason to love yourself.

We all have an "inner critic" that beats us up when we make a mistake. For people who had healthy childhoods, that critic is a whisper. For people who had less than ideal childhoods, that critic is a bellowing beast. We don't need to silence the critic to love ourselves completely - we just need to be moving in the direction (or moving in the direction of moving in the direction) of living a life that ignores the limiting call of it's hateful howl.

It's ironic that something that sounds so simple is actually one of the hardest challenges anyone ever faces. If it were easy then we would all be confident, clearsighted, loving and compassionate people who accepted eachother and lived in peace. Obviously it's not so easy. We learn the wrong lessons when we're young, some of us more than others, and then we teach those lessons to our children because we don't know any better. It's what my grandparents did to my parents, and it's what my parents did to me. It's the oldest story in the world - a tale older than teeth. The trick is - we write our own stories, no one else writes our story. Our time in this life is the flicker of a candle, but it's also as long as a lifetime. We have plenty of time to write whatever story we want with our lives. We always have a choice. Even evil people have the power to change their story... they simply choose not to. They've fallen so low that they've given up their free will and become slaves to selfishness and greed. They make the wrong choice every time, and they always will.

Have you ever committed a selfless act without recognition or reward? If so, then you're not evil. If you haven't, then go commit one now. Okay, you're not evil - this means that you have the power to choose the direction your life leans. Each and every choice we make pushes us one way or the other - toward good or evil, creation or destruction, forgiveness or hate, acceptance or biggotry, hope or despair. Our choices slowly define our lives and our hearts - and the beautiful thing is that every good choice negates a hundred bad ones. Every kind thought or action gives birth to a hundred more somewhere down the line. Every act of love spreads and multiplies - erasing hate every time. Love and hate both multiply and weaken eachother, yes, but there's a key difference between the two.

When love turns into hate, we feel bad inside and want to feel better. We don't always realize that our hate is what's making us feel bad, but it is. Maybe we're angry because someone we loved died or left us. Maybe we go to a therapist and get some medication to try and feel better - or maybe we rebound with the first warm body that crosses our path. I've done both of these things, so I get it. When love turns to anger and hate, we want to turn it back into love. We don't always go about it in the best way, but that's the general direction of our desires.

On the other hand, When hate turns into love we have no desire to turn it back into hate. When we make a loving choice, that choice "sticks" far better than a hateful choice. Don't get me wrong, hate multiplies just as readily as love, and it can be sticky as all hell. Just look at gang violence - that's the cycle of ever-muliplying hate taken to the extreme. Those kids have learned hate, usually at a very young age - but take a kid from one of those gangs and teach him love, and he'll never go back. That's the beauty of love, that's what separates it from hate. Love and hate both endure, they both multiply, and they both cycle through the generations - but once you live in love you can never be content to live in hate.

confidence, clarity of sight, self-love, compassion and acceptance - these are all manifestations of love. A confident person accepts the possibility of making mistakes. The confident heart says "if I make a mistake, then I'm still a good person. If I make a mistake, I'm still worthy of love." A person with clear sight accepts the imperfections of the world around them. A clearsighted heart says "If I look clearly at the world around me, I'll see beauty. If I see people clearly, flaws and all, then I'll still love them." A person who loves themselves will say "no matter what I do, no matter what mistakes I make, I'll still love myself." A compassionate, accepting person will say "Your path is legitimate. Even if you do things I don't agree with, I'll still love you."

All of these things are love, and a person who's heart has lived in love can never be content to live in hate. A day will come when all people are confident, clearsighted, loving, compassionate and accepting. These people will be rich in love, and therefore unable to live in hate. When that day comes evil will lose it’s servants and be revealed as the powerless thing it is.
MovingForward28 MovingForward28
26-30, M
2 Responses Jul 25, 2010

Nice, thank you for reminding :-)

This is a wonderful positing.Something or someone has led you to see the truth and I wish you well for the future.Spread the love.:)