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Recipe For Magical Love

The fact is (well, really the opinion, but don't worry about that) most people are not in healthy relationships.

I'm not saying most married people, I'm saying most people in relationships, dating, co-habiting, married, whatever.

There is no magic to this: getting two random people that have no linkage to each other, genetic or otherwise, to get along perpetually is HARD. Sure, it can be eased by various things, such as lust/chemistry, intellectual stimulation, and so on, but at the bottom of it all there must be altruism attached.

Let me explain a bit more clearly-- You must love someone with all of your heart-- irrespective of how they love you. We've all been in situations like that where we seem to be putting more into the relationship than the other party, or in other words, "I love YOU more." In its extreme, that is known as unrequited love. But that of willingly loving someone infinitely, without regard to how they love you, is necessary but not sufficient for a true love.

The magical part happens IF AND ONLY IF your partner feels this same sort of love towards you. So simple. And then you're on the mountain High. Otherwise, you will still experience some of the grandeur of love, but it will ultimately drain you as your effort is not matched.
iTuner iTuner M 40 Responses Feb 12, 2006

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Wow, awesome story and I totally agree. I think the difficulties associated with relationships increase with starting new (due to divorce) at an older age because you are dealing with many new variables...past experiences of both people that have shaped their perceptions, values (or lack of) that have developed over time creating a "set in my ways" mentality, etc.

Wow. Nicely put. I am in agreement. I think this is rare though. And this is your only story? Do post more. I would like to hear more of your words. Thank you. For saying this now. :)

Ahhh - yes unconditional love. The ONLY true love. Very, very true. I learned this myself after many heartbreaking experiences. Thank you for sharing.

I have never climbed that mountain. now I shall...thank you for this truth. powerful. :)

True.
I know what love was when deeply shared. A thing of two.
And later knew what another one called love.
I don't regret, but no more like that last time.

I think our current media hype on "true love" and "soul mates" has created a generation of people seeking this ultimate thang that doesn't nor never has existed. I think if there is mutual respect and enjoyment of each other's company is as good as it gets...quit looking if you've achieved this, cause that's pretty damn great if you've got that....period.

When you go ''looking'' for love, you find it...in all the wrong places.

so true my friend.

so true, unfortunately nowadays you dont see real genuine relationships. There is always one thning or another that does not make you happy anymore. But you have to be content with yourself before being able to meet someone who can give and receive the same thing you are looking for.

I agree. I was with someone, i resisted, he said he was in love with me, it seemed like he was totally and utterly in love with me. I let myself fall in love with him, and i love with every fibre of my being, maybe it was too much for him.<br />
<br />
He ended it with me when things got tough and now tells me he has always been in love with someone else.. So how does that happen, how can you tell someone that they are the only person they want, how can you get upset at the thought of losing this person and then when it gets tough, just leave..?<br />
<br />
My thoughts are, he never loved me in the first place, he lied to me back then or is lying to me now... <br />
<br />
Either way, I will find it very hard to trust that a man ever is truly in love with me, I was promised so much and left hanging..

Wow. My husband died 2 yrs ago this Sept. 16. What you have written is so true for me. I loved him unconditionally, but have come to realize that I adjusted and accepted not being loved as I needed. And, honestly, I don't really know if I loved him the way he needed to be loved - we were both flying blind in the marriage I think. <br />
<br />
At the end, he pored out his heart to me and said some wonderful things that could have made me so happy had he said them before. At some level I don't think he trusted me not to take advantage of his deep feelings for me until he was on his deathbed and had to let it out. He regretted so much that he hadn't expressed his love for me in words before. I always knew he loved me, but we didn't tell each other how we needed to be loved. <br />
<br />
I won't make that mistake again.

Wow, i never really thought of it that way... My last relationship, he told me he loved me so much so he would get upset at the thought of losing me, but when it got tough he left me.. now he tells me he was in love with someone else.. see above comment for the details.. but reading that.. maybe men just dont open their hearts like women do..

I agree. My husband died two yrs ago and I knew all along that I gave more and trusted more than he could. I loved him unconditionally. He loved me the way he could. Now I hope I can find someone to love me the same way. What a joy that would be.

I have never read truer words in a very long time,wow!well put.

"

Very well said.

I totally agree I am or have been in love with someone who just never quite felt the same as much as I hoped they would see the value in me, this was never realized.. Its a painful process letting go, I am not sure how or IF that will happen. all I know is they never saw in me what I know to be true of us. inflames and I shame I held my own head for months now. sentance served.

I think that anyone who seeks to be in a relationship with someone 'because they make me happy' is in that relationship for the wrong reason. To saddle another person with the responsibility of your happiness is a horribly co-dependent way to live. No one can 'make' us happy; that completely externalizes a basic component of your birthright as a human being. Sure, we love people who do nice things for us, but we need to cultivate love for WHO they are and what they reveal about ourselves to us, not who they can be. Once you choose to enter into a relationship with grand expectations, you're already creating the ingredients for a painful downfall where at some point you're going to hate that person because they didn't live up to your expectations. That's why the divorce rate is so high: 'you disappointed me so I'm going to put the screws to you'. Is that really the kind of world we want to create or live in?<br />
Being in love with someone (in its most traditional form) is more drug-like than anything else. People should come together with the agreement of helping one another grow and transform and share as much fun as possible in the process, always making sure there is space for growth and transformation to happen. And NO "it aint always pirdy". Anything less makes the other person we are in relationship out to be simply a commodity to exploit for very selfish reasons. Intimacy, as a friend put it to me so well a few years ago, is 'into me see': it helps reflect back to ourselves our own beauty and awesomeness which we are often blind to. Behind the facade that we need to create in this messed up society of ours there is SO much more to relating with others. Genuine intimacy scares the dickens out of a lot of people. But we can learn a TON about ourselves from letting our guard down well enough to let love move us towards a better, stronger, more expansive, more compassionate, and more resilient sense of self. When this happens, both people recognize the strength that comes from this kind of love. Magic can happen when people enter into a relationship with the knowledge that they enter into the relationship as spiritual catalysts for one another. Could last a few days, could last a lifetime. We're meant to trust the process, and they don't call it 'falling in love' for nuthin'... <br />
Love is potent stuff; in its purest form it truly is unconditional. This is what we all need to strive for in all of our relationships...

Very very true and nice comment! Cheers ;)

I agree with you.

I completely agree with you! That is the only way!

I am very happy when I see very old couples holding hands. They have the secret to making it last. It gives us a glimpse of what could be. But so many variables come into play. It's a crap shoot. I used to play that game like a slot machine hoping to hit that jackpot. I became more realistic with time and keep what little I have for those true loves in your life. You know the ones I mean. Friends who never judge, friends who pick you up when you fall, Friends who invite you to a picnic, send you a card on your birthday. Those are the only Slots that have a payout. They are worth your investment of what's left after the high stakes machines have nearly wiped you out.

So LOVE what U all here have said! : ) To me the bottom line is, "after the thrill of that first encounter, you'd better enjoy what each other has to say."

I really enjoyed reading this and all the comments, I could identify with them all in different ways for sure. Even in phychology they identify love as having many facets. We all strive to find it, we all want it, some of us have it and dont know it, some of us have never known it, some have only had it for a very short time. And the really lucky ones have had it for a long time, know it and appreciate it and gives the rest of the world hope to see such beauty. So the search goes on. There is so much depth and meaning to the simple phrase we all know and heard. "It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all" Loving people, our relationships with them, our families, friends. When we leave this world we all leave a legacy of memories. The greatest legacy is one of love. All our worldy possessions, money, society ranks, all of that means nothing without love.

totally agree thank you for sharing

i understand and agree with all that you have said its very true.<br />
however,to be able to be loved by someone else, you need to love yourself first.

I just want to be with the person that I am actually capable of loving forever. I have high hopes, and I dont plan on settling for less than real, true love. The soul mate thing. I know it seems pretty unrealistic to have such high standards, but I would way rather be on my own than with someone I dont truly love.. <br />
At BuriedTreasure - if you stay in an unhealthy relationship you have a snowballs chance in hell of finding someone decent to share your life with. Get out while you can!

agreed ..dont settle..find someone you love wholly and who loves you the same..then treat that love with all the care and tenderness you would a baby..respect,admire,accept,and communicate..it does exsist and it can last x

I agree with you 100%

I'm married, and love my husband too much but at the moment, he's cheating on me and i'm desperate to feel ok! sometime's i just don't know how to react on this matter. i need help and inspiration!!!

I KNOW!!

I agree of course with this. Ive dated a guy on and off for 3 years and i can love him as much as i want but it doesnt feel like it is ever how he feels. I have given him so many chances but I am not sure when enough will be enough for me. I deserve to have someone feel the same for me as I feel for them.

Thank you (and those that commented here) for your wise words! I'm currently in love and it's one of the best feelings in the world. I'm not eloquent enough to put this experience into words but I'll try, it's just so wonderful to have someone that adores you for everything you are despite your flaws and bad habits. We have that magic and at times it becomes so overwhelming I find myself crying happy tears. It;s like "WOW I can't believe I'm so blessed to have this wonderful person in life!" It almost seems too good to be real.

Unrequited love is the pits. I'm currently in the process of attempting to see if perhaps a man I truly care for (I won't call it love at this point) is willing to make the effort with me. The concept is very simple but the doing of it is complicated because not everyone realizes that love is both an emotion and decision we make to work with.

the truly sadest thing about unhealthy relationships ultimately is the amount of your life you spend on them since nothing can bring back that time.