Can't Sleep

It is raining so why I'm I not asleep? It's after 5 am and I can hear them snoring, but not me. Why are these thoughts racing at me and where are they coming from. I just listed all the names of those boys or men who I slept with from college to now. Maybe this is why Im depress because how many names should a female have in a couse of 26 years. The idea number would be one or two, but life has too many turns and mishaps. My number is irrelevant I guess, but I started late. I didn't experience sex until I was 23, but I noticed a pattern. Loneliness and aging increases your chances of having more unattached sex. I had sex in my youth because I cared or had feelings for the guy which usually ended up in heart breaks, but now I find it difficult to attach. I never would have expected to be the woman I have become because I was the one who loved the idea of being in love. Maybe I'm just being harmonal but I pray my heart doesn't stay hardened. I want to be gullible and belive in the Happy endings.