Love That Has No Ending Chapter.

YES! Marriage for sure takes work, YES! It is extremely hard,and sometimes you feel like giving up. I know what it feel's like.
My Husband would never touch me, he would be tired of me after being together for 20 min. He would not hug me when I cried, and not ever try to be sensitive to my feelings, he would say things like "I need a woman that can love me for me." and every time I heard those words come out of his mouth, I was crushed. We never had sex, we never cuddled, and I was constantly begging him to spend time with me, I was dying inside. Till one morning I woke up to text from him. He had already gotten up that morning and left for work and didn't tell me goodbye, and I wondered why till I opened my phone and read his message: "I'm leaving you." I suddenly had a million feelings flood into my heart all at once. I was scared to death, I was was confused, I was lost, I was alone, and I felt as if someone had just ripped my heart right out of my chest. I called him instantly, asking him why, begging him to stay with me, asking him why he didn't want me, and what I did. He was just angry, he cussed me out, he told me I wasn't worth anything to him anymore, and he wanted to find someone else. "Please be with me!" I begged him "Please want me!" I cried so hard, pleading with him, telling him whatever it was I did, or was doing I would change. But the next thing I heard was silence as he hung up the phone without a response.
The next few days were painful, and hard, I prayed earnestly to God, I fasted, and cried, I begged God to save my marriage. I told God How much I loved my husband, I told Him how important my Husband was to me, and that I wanted him in my life. My Husband ignored all my calls, never replied to any of my texts. I felt so abandoned and alone.
I moved back in with my parents, and cried myself to sleep every night. I stopped calling my husband, I stopped texting him asking if he still wanted to be with me or not, but during all of it, I kept my ring on, I never took it off, I never even put it on the night stand next to the bed at night while I slept. And every night I stared at a picture of he and I together, as I prayed that God would bring my husband back to me, and to change his heart, and how he was treating me.
Then one day he called me. I was terrified, his voice timid, and chocking. He told me he missed me, and that he wanted me back. But by that time I was so angry, I was hurt and very biter. I agreed to see him that night but the night with him was awkward and uncomfortable. He spilled his heart out to me, explaining himself, telling me he was a terrible husband, and asked for my forgivness. I stared him in the face without saying a word all night. We went back to his place and had sex, but it felt meaningless to me, I felt shut down, and thought it would be for good....But thats when God started to changed ME. He showed me how to forgive my husband for abandoning me, He showed me how to grow, and how to continue to love my Husband, even though he hurt me, and tore me down, each day was harder, but I looked to God for support, and support me He did! He reminded me that I was not perfect but saw me as if I was, because me made me, He also reminded me how many times He had to forgive me for the things I wronged my Heavenly Father for.
Since then, things have been so much better between my Husband and I. Sometimes it gets rough, but God shows me how to love my Husband, the way God loves me,He teaches me that Forgiveness is a daily action, not a one time deal, and that love is a choice not a feeling, even though we may like it to be...ITS NOT! But when we choice to love and forgive someone over and over again thats UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
If you have a Bible at home. Look up 1 Corinthians 13:1-8. And then ask God to show you how to love the way He has loved you.
kitty8989 kitty8989
22-25, F
2 Responses Sep 12, 2012

What a beautiful story young lady. At first, I wasn't sure where it was going and it seemed so very sad. However, to hear someone your age know and understand the biblical teaching of forgiveness and love is very, very encouraging. Unconditional love is exactly what we are to strive for, but it's nearly impossible isn't it? I believe your husband will learn much from you and your attitude. We are all flawed but in our own unique ways and I will pray that he isn't flawed in a way that will make him incapable of learning what you have learned and loving you unconditionally. Even so, you appear to understand that you don't "need" him to return a "feeling" or an "action". although it might be nice, it isn't a need, because you are created to "need" only one thing.. your relationshiip with the Lord. It's wonderful to be in a loving relationship with unconditional love and I have been blessed with my wife of 30 years and we love each other far more now then when we first met primarily because we have both learned what you have learned that love truly is taken action daily to make her life happier and to allow her to be more fulfilled whether that includes my "wants" being addressed or not. your story has encouraged me tonight and I am proud of you.

I know the feeling of being not wanted and loved but i am happy that you could work things out, hope it all goes well for you in the future.