On my way to meet a friend, the Voice within said: "I KNOW you. I KNOW everything about you. I KNOW you inside out."

It got me thinking of intimacy.

I used to think intimacy was the kind of relationship I have with someone I'm very close to where we share what's in our hearts and our deepest desires.

While I can be there for someone I love I can never experience what they're feeling. Even if that person is feeling joyful, I can only share in their joy but I can't feel what joy is like for them. While I can sympathise or even empathise with their pain, I can never feel nor would I want to feel their pain. All I can do is simply be there for them, love them, and wish them well.

There is only one who knows all my deepest desires, fears, and secrets, my I AM or God Presence. By knowing I mean God is not just there as a force giving me impersonal love like the sun sending its rays indiscriminately on all, God is having and feeling the experience as me. That's why God knows me inside out because God is having the experience. Even the experiences that haven't gone so well, God was actually present. The idea is to surrender everything and let God experience everything as me and it will be transformed into good. That, for me, is intimacy.

For instance, I don't like experiencing periods which I see as messy and pointless. I can understand why that programme is in place though. When I feel God in the period, it's a totally different experience. I can just relax and let it flow in a way that's right for me.

Later, when I met up with my friend who is a music producer, we listened to what he'd been working on. To me, what he'd created sounded perfect but he said there was a particular note he wasn't happy with. He was back on his computer tweaking it until the note was just right. In a way, my friend was demonstrating my idea of intimacy in motion. The reason why my friend knows all the notes and arrangements so well because he'd created them. He knew what works and what doesn't. Even when he works on songs he hasn't written, he takes the notes apart and gets to know each note so intimately that he can shift the notes around in order to create new sounds.

While I was working on this piece in the library, one friend approached and said she'd bought some doughnuts and had received an extra bag for free. She wanted me to have one. She even gave me a choice between jam and custard. I opted for jam. God knows I LOVE jam doughnuts. Another friend had brought me some chocolates she'd received as a gift. As she's not into chocolate she remembered how much I love chocolate. They were delicious! This is what I mean by God knowing me so well that He brings exactly what I love.

I believe intimacy is letting God be me in every moment.

(c) E Joseph

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51-55, F
Dec 8, 2012