What Is Missing Today?

I hear and read so many different stories and accounts of guys only wanting one thing. SEX. Even from single friends who my wife and I know complain that young guys today only want to do what they want and all they want is sex.  They just say what they think the girl wants to hear to get her into bed.  Why is that?  In my opinion it is the quick fix approach that today's society is based upon.  The guy wants to have sex.  He doesn't really care how or how good it is as long as he gets it.  He is only worried about the end result, the product, getting off and not by his own hand.  He is not thinking about how the girl feels about it or him or what having sex with him might or might not mean to her.  He needs to realize the girl is not just a wet hole laying on the bed.  She is a person who wants to feel just as good as you do.
So guys, what do you think she wants?  Most girls are more emotional than guys so guys what does that also mean to you?  It means that she doesn't want to just give you sex.  She wants a very intimate encounter with you only if you are worth it.  If you want to be worth it to her to give herself to you in the most personal of ways than BE WORTH IT!  Its not that difficult to be a nice guy.  Treat her well.  Compliment her.  Open doors for her.  Make her sit in the car while you walk around to her door to open if for her.  Listen to her.  Don't just stare at her boobs, drooling, yessing her to death.  Pay Attention because you want to know what she has to say.  If she felt it was important enough to say it to you than it should be important enough for you to listen and take mental notes.  You never know when an obscure scrap of information about her will come up and remembering it will make her feel incredibly special.  She wants to know that she is truly desired and someone special to you even if it is only for a short time.
Guys if you are looking for a quick way to get into a girls pants the above will be a lot of work for you.  But if you are willing to take the time to make being a genuinely good guy a part of your basic character than it will not be any work for you at all.  You will be able to enjoy the uniqueness of each girl you meet and you will love the wonderful feeling it gives you seeing her glowing smile when she looks at you.
Aiyana77 Aiyana77
36-40, T
31 Responses Dec 26, 2012

I have a lot of female friends, here and in the real world, and all say the same thing ... most guys seem to be looking for an easy lay ! I feel sorry for them, they are missing the magic of courtship, of discovering shared interest ... hell, of discovering each other.

I research a lot of what is going on in the world and unfortunately I have discovered that what you say is by design of the elite canals of the world. they are trying to destroy the basic family unit. Nowadays most husbands and wives have to work so kids are left to fend for themselves way too much. The result is that courtship, learning of each other, manners, etc are no longer being taught because there simply isn't enough time in the day to do so. Hence relationships are just not the life long thing they used to be. People are settling for others just because they don't want to be lonely acc later on end up in divorce. Broken families and people are much easier to control than whole families with good values and principles.

" Broken families and people are much easier to control than whole families with good values and principles."
.. very well observed. They just want our future but not us.. as our kids will be more scared of the rules and obey as a habit... and anyway as mortals and being so busy with our own life.. they know that we just desert our kids for to be moulded by them any which way.

That is one of the reasons my wife and I are home schooling one of our daughters

wow!.. one of our twin boys too just didn't want to go school.. and we just let him be.

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nicely stated


very beautiful

I must agree with most of what you said.Your female side has a very mature outlook on life.Sameboat 2

Agree with you on how the current situation is. But not the remedial measures. Males have lost dignity with majority being childish and treating women as special and enslaving themselves in the process. Traits such as Opening car doors, getting on knees to ask "will you marry me" , wedding rings etc. are lousy traits that needs to be discontinued.

Males have been made to beg in the process.

I agree and disagree at the same time. If the opening of doors and stuff is done because it is expected and the girl feels entitled then yes I agree but it is the girl that needs to change that behavior. It needs to be a balance and there are other ways for that to occur.

I want a guy to be confident in himself and to put his best gentlemanly self forward because that's part of who he is and that guy wants me to know that I am special to him.

If those doors are only being opened because you feel obligated or are trying to be someone you aren't then it just comes off as desperate and the special connection is not made. It may take 10or 20 or more matches before the right two people come together to inspire that greatness in each other.

Agree that Guys should be confident and carry themselves well by holding their stature and dignity. But by trying to make a woman feel that she is special, he puts on an special act, by which unknowingly he also stoops down. A man is one who makes the woman falls and not the one who falls for a woman.

Hope you would agree, that Girls are more cohesive and share the way how each other's guy impressed them and this news spreads and makes a newcomer to also try the stunt, without any attachment to it.... and over time this has only lead to the fall of the male dignity and contributed to a kind of female haughtiness.

I agree that change needs to be made on both sides. For a long time and still in many places women are not even remotely treated equally. Here in the U.S. women wanted to break free of that as they should but it went to the entire other extreme. Political correctness is beyond ridiculous right now. Everyone needs to lighten up start seeing each other as equal LOVING BEINGS regardless of who or how they love as long as no else is being hurt by it. and I don't mean the social consequences a parent might imagine they have because a child doesn't fit social norms. I mean true mental or physical pain and abuse. When we as a species grow to the level that we realize love and happiness are most important compared with control and power then we will find the balance again between loving people.

Absolutely agree. Situation calls for a new consensus for the benefit of future, and its time we need to get rid of many old traditions and traits. Governments & Politicians are just not bothered as they know, that people are busy with love, sex, marriage and divorce .. and Money is the new opium which they dump time to time , people don't come up n question them.

Unless we stop the gender war and start understanding and loving one another, things are set to only get worse..

Agree.. guys should respect girls. but first the girls should give them something to respect. we cannot stereotype that all boys think about is sex. i mean my brothers are awkward and probably dont even know what it entails. anyways, some guys have... urges. but dont do anything about it. sometimes its the chicks who are all "loose" and keen to get in with someone. using someone for meaningless pleasure is disrespectful to both the initiator and the recipient. i reckon, only become that close to someone you are planning on marrying or are in a proper relationship with. make it special. just you guys. its supposed to be a beautiful thing and doing it to some random makes it seem ugly and atrocious.
Also oI am a christian, but also believe in accepting people for who they are no matter what sexual orientation. i mean the bible does say its not good, but it also says "Love thy neighbour." love EVERYONE. that is what christians do.

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you need to have a chat with my bf it sounds just like him.i mean seriously how hard is it to open a door.i dont even care if it all the time or once it the thought of it that truely matter. More than likly if he showed to care about me more i would be willing to have sex with him.

I dont always think about sex heck when a girl wants to do it i rather not i like nibbling and making them feel good without my ****** in them but i rather find someone who like to do things i like to do but i am the strange one i guess

Ok, so not all guys want sex. My experiences with women so far is that they will throw me away after the sex more often than... well I've never tried to do that, not once!

I've also had a casual sex relationship that was horribly painful because I wanted more from the beginning and couldn't turn it down because of testosterone - I just can't have sex with someone that many times and not feel something - it began to hurt that she didn't want anyone to know I existed and resisted any kind of real relationship with me.

However, something else I've noticed (I had an interesting convo with a girl in a bar about this a couple of weeks ago asking her why she straightened her hair) is that when girls go out looking for men, they actually dress and act in a way selects for the guys that want sex more than guys who want a relationship.

High heels, low cut tops, make-up? These say 'I want sex' - 'look at how good my features are for having sex with'. I hear all the arguments about style and fashion - it doesn't matter. Whatever your intent when you put your hand in a fire you will get burned all the same.

Most women also target the same small group of guys most of the time (the top 3% or something) and they select these guys almost exclusively by appearance alone. These guys are spoiled for choices with women - there is no reason for them to want anything other than sex in the short term until they feel that they want a relationship - once they get in a relationship it will likely last, because they are so desirable and have a good chance to find a very good woman for themselves.

Put this altogether and it is no wonder that women come to this conclusion.

Try approaching a guy - preferably from the 97% that women usually treat like dirt. You will be surprised.

And what about th 97 % of women that don't dress up like that or that dont even bother with the bar. Or how about the huge numbe of pervs on here. Yes there are some good ones that I talk to all the time. But they are the exception not the rule.

You make a very good point. Meeting women in the supermarket, on the street or in your friends circle is completely different... but this is, in my experience, typically not what either men or women do when they are actively looking for a relationship.

Sorry, as you can probably tell, I am a little bitter from a lifetime of rejection and being treated like some sex object. Which is kind of the stereotype for women and not men....

I am sure there are a lot of pervs on here too - sorry about that. :(

The best relationship you will have is the one you aren't looking for because when you are looking you are basically looking for a mate and scanning the crowd. Who is going to notice the girl standing in the corner in jeans, tshirt, and sneakers because her friends dragged her out somewhere she hates going when the girl in the mini and heels is front and center at the bar.

Actually this is exactly the girl I go for. I always try to open with normal conversation as if they were just a guy. and my hope is to find a friend because I hear that is a good way to meet even more women in the right way. If it turns into more that's great... :)

It rarely works out for me. :/

Aww. Having never met you and not knowing you at all why I can't even begin to guess why you are having such bad luck with them.

Its fine. I'm just not pretty enough (I have a beer belly). I have no problem helping out my buddies who are medium-to-attractive looking and enough girls have said outright that its the beer belly.

Don't worry about it. I just hope you manage to find someone who doesn't just want to f * ck you and throw you away. I know how that can hurt. :/

I am married for 6 years and together for 10 with my wife. I met her at a party at a mutual friends house

Amen. i admit id probs be the skinny jeans, vans type. bars are not the best places to meet guys anyways. they're either drunk or are going to be.

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I agree the only thing the guys want on here is sex it gets me so mad

We men think about sex every 5 seconds. Some of us need emotional attachements before the physical part (Lucky, more woman response to that). Some of us just wants physical part (sad).

Are you married to anyone??
Like someone who doesn't just care about the sex??

As a matter of fact yes I am. I have two children and my wife is in very poor health so sex doesn't happen very often. If we are both very lucky she is up for once or twice a month. When we were dating and before her health declined we were having sex consistently 3-4 times a week.

And we will be together 10 years this Jan.

Congrats!! Xoxo

Falling in love is far more important than trying to bed someone. Love offers a long term relationship and not a short term solution to spend ones emotions.

YEEEEW! *claps*

im 44 and more wary i cant be used ive been cheated on and cheated and im no happier men can make u feel good for 5mins ive never met a good man ive never been on my own since 15 ive had different boyfriends 3 long term and sex to them is important a few nice words is all it takes as you get older your more wiser so i would say men take it if u give it women can be just as bad but we get hurt more.

Hello Aiyana77 ! My name is Santosha Gopal. I am 20 n am from Karnataka India. i have lots of friends, know lots of girls but i always felt like ppl getting in to an relationship is only to have SEX.once i had a crush on girl, she used to write romantic stories for our collage news paper.after some time we become close we got engaged had that SEX thing, i respected her feeling, I only dont know when ma crush become Love, but something wrong happend with our relationship, here friends told some lies about me, they were her close friends, but stll i dont understood why she just walked away without even giving me a chane to Explain. Look it happend 2 years ago, she is engaged to someone alse, but me still thinking what went wrong. Really feeling alone so i helplessly tyed "I Wat a Friend" in google., this social network popedup, i saw what you posted, ur comments & replies, I m not trying to trap you to just to have SEX, i have already had it, thats not ma intention, all i m asking you & ppl reading this is I need a friend whom i can talk with and share my joy and sorrow and listen their story also. Dont know what else to say :-( . My cell no. is +91 8147652701 i am waiting for a friend. The one whome i can trust.

We must come from completely different worlds then because that has not been what I've experienced.

I don't claim this story to be true for everyone. What is your experience?

that sometimes I just wanted sex. That I married a man who was my friend for seven years and has shown me nothing but loyalty. that I have known men to be loyal in a relationship and the woman cheat. I have known man ho's too, but they are typically obvious if you get to know the person first. Sometimes sex for me was just down right fun, and I liked 'playing the game' so to speak, listening to the right words, etc.

well at least i have always made sure the woman needs are meant before i make my wants known only way to treat a woman

Being the "good guy" does nothing for you. She tells you how sweet you are but nothing ever comes of it. The way to a relationship with most women is to be a moderate *******. Treat her like a lady and you become her friend, treat you like a complete *** and you end up getting laid without the relationship. I am not saying men are worse or better than women, I am just saying don't expect for men to act in ways that don't get a response... if it worked, more guys would act that way.

Fine and dandy for you but you won't get into my panties that way.

I don't disagree with you; I am just saying that most "good guys" wont be able to truly love a woman after they are 25ish. You can only get beat down so many times, cheated on so many times, or passed over so many times before you become jaded and resentful.

It's a fine line between that great confident guy and the one that is trying too hard and looks pathetic and desperate. One being a nice guy is just part of his basic character and the other appears to be doing the same thing but doesn't pull it off due to lack of confidence.

Do you want to talk confidence or respect? They are two different subject. I am saying that you should not expect a man who has been respectful and had not results to stay respectful.

Then he is only thinking about getting laid and will henceforth get kicked to the curb. Human pair bonding is much more complicated than simply showing respect

Cause and effect; men and women have meaningless sex and diminishes the "pair bonding". It also causes you to desire that which helped form the original bonding. Drunken parties lead to a desire for drunken sex - even when you mentally don't want it, your body does. Early "thrill" sex leads to an unsatisfying emotional, loving sex life later in life. Your pair bonding is only a causality of the lack of demanding respect.

Can't say that I agree with that at all.

Ok, but you're not disagreeing with me, here is just the tip of what science is now proving what most religions preach:



What happened to you in kind of my point. Good men get broken down. I hope my daughter is able to find a good man, and that we have taught her to be strong enough not to settle for less than she deserves.

Religion to me is just another way to control the masses. The only preacher I wouls even begin to listen to is Joel osteen because he is all about love, respect, and being your best. Plus I dont trust main stream media to report anything worthwhile or true. They only report whatever the person paying the bill says t report.

I am learning it is fine line between treating somewell well and with respect and being a lap dog. (please excuse my description. It is meant in a general sense). One doesn't have to do everything for her to treat her well. She needs to be worth it too. For example when you take her out on a date open the doors for her, compliment her, etc. Then look for the cues because I would be really surprised if she didn't want tht kiss the end of the night. Whi knows maybe she will want more maybe she wont. But either way make her pick up her own dry cleaning the next day. If you are out and she is cold loan her your jacket for the night but dont keep a spare one in the car or buy her a me one the next day. You know what I mean. She needs to earn you too. I just wasnt addressing that aspect of the problem in this story. Though i probably should have.

"Nice" doesn't mean "I'm respectful toward you, so you HAVE to like me now!" Nice means you are respectful to a person because you respect him or her. Insisting that someone accept your sexual advances just because you treat a person with respect is absurd and incredibly assholey, certainly not "nice". Maybe that's why you're alone-- You expect a woman to fall in love with you simply because you're treating her with minimal respect.

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I don't think it's 'these days' .... I think it has always, and will always be this way. For heaven's sakes, look at the way women are treated in Afghanistan, Pakistan etc. They are treated as no more than possessions and objects to be used and abused so I think we have a long way to go in this world before we will see genuine equality of the sexes.

There are also plenty of women out there who are just as bad. One of the worst cheaters I ever had the uncomfortable displeasure of working with at my old job was a married, 50 year old mother of 2 who had the most selfless, devoted husband ! She told me she loved her husband but he didn't make her "sing" whatever the hell that meant. She even tried to convince me that her regular cheating 'saved' her marriage !

My husband and I became friends with a guy from my work and his wife, and I genuinely believed we could be buddies until he confessed the 'thump in his chest' that he had for me, tried to aggressively plant one on me one evening after my husband had gone to bed and then proceeded to tell me point blank that he wanted 'just one moment' with me .... needless to say I ended the 'friendship' then and there and have completely lost all faith in ever having a genuine, platonic friendship with a male ever again.

My husband and I were platonic friends for 8 years before we were a couple, and I know he would have remained my friend for a lifetime had I not chosen to date him eventually but I think he represents a very small percentage of men. Most men would ditch uou as a friend once they realised there was no sex in it for them.

The feminine priciple has long been lost and suppressed.

There is a certain 'male dominated' religion (I won't name it for sake of offending many readers) in this world who set about removing the Pagan reverence of women and replacing it with an organized religion that repressed women, made them second class citizens and kept them pregnant. We have hundreds of years of damage to undo, but how I do not know.

It started out like this 4500 years ago when society started becoming gery patriarchal. Women are just as much a spark of our Divine Creators the God and Goddess and should be treated as such. There are fundamentally different ways that women think and feel from men. We have to embrace this difference instead of guys getting pissy with women because we don't want to give it to them because they are acting like cavemen.

our stories are similar. My husband and I were friends for seven years before we got together. I agree with your perspectives that you mentioned on this topic

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Of course we think with our dicks!
It's written into our DNA, for Christ's sake. We think with our dicks because, back when we were all naked and hairy, thinking with your **** resulted in passing on your genes. Scientific reasoning aside, even the "nice guys who treat their woman like a princess" are thinking about getting between her legs, it's just they have the willpower (and cunning) not to act upon it.

Yeah I am sure they are but they still know how and take the time to make sure she feels really special. And i would imagine those same guys get laid a hell of a lot more than those that dont bother. Even a girl that is going to have a one night stand with you doesn't want to feel like a piece of meat you are dropping your load into. She still wants to know you aren't going to be a regret at the end of the night.

I'm not naiive, and sometimes, as a female, I like to have sex just as much as a male would. We have instincts too ya know. I will 'play the game' as long as the male is willing. If he can say the right words, and smile at me a certain way, if he offers me a glass of wine and can make me laugh, if when he touches me it is gentle and just right...ok, so who looses in this scenario?? lol. I don't agree that women have more emotions than men, or that sex is meaningless to him. I had male friends for years with or without sex. I do agree a girl doesn't want to regret it at the end of the night cuz the guy is a sociopath, but generally speaking, if a man is connected in the kiss, then connected in bed, then it can all be worthwhile. I'm married now, but I remember the single times. There were lots of good times, but I eventually settled for something more secure with someone looking for the same.

I want to like that comment but there's no button! I'll have to state my agreement instead :P

Well as a fem tg I see both sides of it yes I agree Aiyana most guys just want to get off and they don't have orwant to spend the time to romance a girl and treat her right. All of them should know that the sex will be better if they take that time, and you may even get it again. Even us (tv cg tg ts) gurls love to feel worth it and respected . but as a **** sissy I do some times like to be used as a sex toy, no talk no gifts just **** me and go away.

There's an old saying that still holds true ... treat others as you would like them to treat you ...

i t0tally agree here. guys just want sex thats true. n0

A bit of a generalization ...
There are many guys who don't think with their penises

In which case they already fall under the WORTH IT catergory.

i know, its true... But i am scared from real love...

Why is that?

because real love is pain...

With all of these wonderful replys, there is little more to say- a great post- exactly my thoughts, and always has been.
Thank you for posting some more of your great words and thoughts.
I'm happily married, but sometimes, as you say, just a little thought, a little action, a little something, goes a long, long way.

Speak soon my friend- back to work today- some Xmas holiday that was!!!
Mark xx

Meet people, they got a mind with the body...sex is good but ..only sex..aw..no way ;)

hi, can you add me please for chat here? thanx...

Thanks! How right you are!

It is true and women wants to be loved and cherished

And when she truly feels that way she'll give you everything back, heart, body, mind, and soul.

Yes but have to be careful as I have given women my heart and had her use me and also cheat on me

No doubt there are girls out there just as bad as the boys.


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Wow I just wrote you something about love and peace yes I agree because I can love a person without sex like you honey. Friendship is all I ask and an open ear at times as I would do the very same for you. Love From Pink

Lovely story and so true. Young men think only of sex while older men know how to love their women

I suspect part of it though is raging hormones, inexperience, poor example at home to follow, and people just don't get together and know what they want until they are a little bit older.

Hello Aiyana77

The pull of the testosterone is very strong.
Then how did they see their dad treat their mother.

If their dad showed affection to their mothers in front of them, then they will likely be a man to show respect and consideration.

It’s the dads of this world to show the way of true love.

I agree. The world needs to remember the feminine principle again.

I reject that argument completely. You can blame it on parents and television all you want, but the reality is that men (boys, males, whatever) act in ways that get results. Women see a guy who shows respect and consideration and say how wonderful it would be to have a boyfriend like that, and then they go home to a man who treats them like this or that. Why do so many people cheat? Because they don't get what they want (sex, affection, love), but don't settle for what they have. Be an adult and don't settle, but until the masses change men will not change.

Men are just as much part of the masses.

Not in this respect. You are telling men "Look, I know being an *** hole works but please stop. You should treat women like ladies." Wont work. Give a man a chance, great. If he does not treat you like a lady, then dip out. Women don't do that. They say I can change him or there is no one better, or some other excuse. There is no incentive, and, the truth is that no one changes without incentive.

I will concede that men can still be part of the solution. I wish a ************ would miss treat my daughter! I also treat her mother in a way that I would want her to look for in a man.

My interpretation of what you are saying here is that the guys is still just worried about sex and not the relationship with the person. The girl is emotionally attached and just wants the guy to treat her well but doesnt because she is so goddamned frustrated with whats out there she has no choice but to try to get the person she likes and loves to treat her well. Why should she start over with someone new who is going to do the same thing to her. It's a downward spiral that will require effort on everyone's part to correct.

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