Something About Love And Forever.

I am in love. More than that, I love a man, a boy, with all my heart, with every bone, every cell, every muscle every atom of my body. We're both 20, we're both so young and i don't know if it means anything, being young. "Yes, you're in love but you're both so young". Does it make it any less real?
It makes me wonder how other people see their relationship from the inside. Is it the same way for everyone? I feel like it's me against the world, being so unbelievably happy and complete and feeling like no one can even begin to understand the extent of it all. Of waking up next to someone that loves you from the very moment they open their eyes to the moment they fall asleep the next night. Someone that loves you even in your sleep. Someone that smiles every morning waking up, when your eyes first meet. Has anyone ever felt as loved and cherished as when he holds me in his arms?
I know i'm young and this is the first boy I've ever loved but is it wrong to believe that I could wake up next to him every morning for the rest of my life and always feel the same pure, undefinable happiness as I do now? I want to marry this man, I like to picture myself with a white dress, I like to imagine him staring at me with that looks he has when I put on a nice dress to go to the restaurant. That same look he sometimes has when I take my make up off before going to bed and he says I'm just as pretty without make up. Is it bad to think that?
Then tell me, mom, why is it that you feel the need to remind me that "maybe there are better things out there for me", "you're too young to think about those things", "maybe you won't be together 10 years from now".. i'm sorry that you went through a divorce, i'm sorry than half the people that get married get a divorce, but why couldn't i be part of the other half? What if i'm old school, what if i think that he's my soulmate and that we'll be together forever and become old with children and cats and dogs and i'll still be blown away by his beautiful smile and he'll still think i'm pretty even with my wrinkles.
Why is it that bad to believe that love lasts forever? Nothing lasts forever nowadays, i just need one thing i can hold on to. I don't believe in many things but i believe that when you find someone that makes you happy and that makes every day worth it, just getting out of bed, smiling at yourself in the mirror, feeling beautiful and loved, than you should hold on to it. I've kissed other boys, i've liked other boys even, let them hold me, let them touch me but it wasn't this. This feels like home, it feels like everything and nothing really. It just feels right I guess.
I just wish we still believed in "forever", like little kids. Like friends. Why can't love be "forever".
Pennyhearts Pennyhearts
22-25, F
Jan 11, 2013