A Different Way

I've heard it so much lately. I've heard it from my friends, my family, even here on EP: "You can still love her, just in a different way".

I have to say, though, that most of my family would prefer for me to hate, be resentful and bitter, even seek vengeance. I know, and they know, that it will never be that way.

I love her.

I have to appease those who expect me to move on by agreeing that it's different. But is it? Not so much.

I miss the intimacy - the deeply emotional intimacy. I miss the romance, I miss buying gifts and cards for no reason. I miss smiles, across a crowded room, that speak volumes. I miss the warmth of being held and holding her. I miss the scent: the warm, sweet, sunshine scent of her skin and her hair. I miss her breath on my neck at night. I miss saying "I love you" ten, twenty, a hundred times a day. I miss hearing it, especially. I miss the feeling that nothing I experience is real until I share it with her.

The love is not different, the circumstances are different. I will forever hold on to the most beautiful memories of true love...but I will also have to move on.

So, how do I speak of love in a different way? How do explain my feelings, now unrequited, from my past? How do I show that I am not a prisoner of my pain, but a graduate of a blessing that is now relegated to the realm of experience?

I'll move on. I will love again - completely and honestly. But, she will always be a part of who I've decided to be. The love is never going to be different, but the pain will be forgotten. And I will, if I'm so blessed again, love as much, as hard, as exclusively, and as deeply...because that's the only way to know it's real.
BozoBuckets BozoBuckets
51-55, M
3 Responses Jan 19, 2013

Just remember. You can love her and no one can stop that. Not her or your family. You own that. That belongs to you. You can still love someone but move on. I think its better to leave with peace in your heart than pain.

Thank you. I agree.

Wow. Yeah, it is difficult for me to move forward because my Ex did cut me deep, you know?

But that Love... ah, man, that Love was so there. At least, I know it was for me. It really was beautiful.

Moving on with Peace and Enlightenment in your Heart. Not feeling like a victim, but an Experience r of Emotion.

If you got any more tips and advice, let me know :) You are a good dude. Mind like yours, a woman should be lining herself up for you real soon :)

Thank you...a very supportive and open comment. The pain you are dealing with may make you cautious, but be careful not to let it overshadow your obviously good and caring heart. If nothing else, you learn about who you are in the process...your next love will benefit from your positive attitude, and so will you.

Thanks :) It's good to be told that every once in a while :) You've got my support, buddy.

Would your family REALLY wish for you to harbor hatred? It would be so hard on you. You are not that way, it is not your truth.

They are like that, sad to say. They've watched her hurt me badly, and they are very angry. They harbor resentment and vindictive thoughts too easily. They don't get me at all...they think I'm an idiot because I won't participate or tolerate that. They don't forgive...ever. That's why I'm the family freak!

I should say you are! We love our families and cut them a lot of slack for that very reason, but, you have moved beyond them grasshopper.

I never fit in with them...I was always the soft, squishy one. Thank you, Master (actually, mistress is the proper term, but...well...you know), your wisdom guides me.

You don't need me, everything you need to know already exists inside you. So that leaves us being friends! <3

Thanks...humbled again by your wisdom and kindness.

Bozo, I can understand your family maybe feeling angry for all you have gone through but I dont understand why they cannot forgive, that is so sad .. for everyone :(

It really is sad. They deserve the happiness and freedom that forgiveness and understanding bring. I don't think they understand that they just hurt themselves by hanging on to venom.

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